Post # 1
My wedding is a week away, and yet for the last two weeks it has been the furthest thing from my mind.
my dad unexpectedly suffered two severe strokes caused by a brain haemorrhage and has been in a hospital 80 minutes from where I live. I have been so exhausted mentally and emotionally because I could only take one day off from my two jobs. Seeing my big, manly dad openly weeping because he can’t use his left side is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with, and given that over the past few years I’ve suffered the loss of a brother, a young uncle, an auntie, as well as my mum getting cancer, that’s a pretry big statement. He’s on the up and up, but every day is a battle.
you can imagine my surprise then, when one week after he had these strokes I get offered my absolute dream job, with a non profit charitable organisation which promotes reading for pleasure. My dad was over the moon for me, but I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn’t feel any happiness about it. It’s started setting in a bit more now, but all I can think about is my dad And the sheer physical exhaustion I’m suffering from travelling so far to see him every day, but how much I miss him when I don’t is far worse.
ive just now started thinking about the wedding again. This weekend my mum Nd my best friend threw me a little surprise hen party (planned before my dad’s stroke and he apparently insisted they go ahead with it) and I just wound up sobbing in a state of utter confusion and Gratitude. I feel so incredibly blessed; my dad is still here and is getting better by the day, I have a step into the career I have wanted since during university, and I’m marrying my soulmate. However, every time I start thinking of wedding stuff, my head just completely breaks down; I have lists coming out of my ears and I’ve done nothing on them, I even forgot to pick up my dress from the seamstress until yesterday. I’m excited for the wedding, by so worried that I’m going away for 9 days a Nd leaving my mum and dad all alone.
theyve told me that cancelling is not an option; they told me they want some good news, and deep down I domt want to cancel it. I just wish I could sort my head out but I can’t.
Post # 3
@smealeys: I’m sorry for all you’re going through. My dad is very sick too and I know the exhaustion you feel because I feel it too. We did cancel our Destination Wedding in Jamaica because my dad wouldn’t have been able to travel. My parents said not to do that (and of course they would), but we did anyway.
We also cancelled a trip we were planning in the summer (that we already paid for and lost a fortune on) because I never would have forgiven myself if I left and something happened to my dad. My advice: you will have the rest of your life for trips, and you never know how long you have with your dad. Trips can be rescheduled but you will never get that time back.
It is not easy to see your parents age and to see the strong man you had your first relationship with become weaker. It breaks my heart every single day because I always thought he’d be a constant in my life and I never let myself imagine otherwise. The reality hits you in the face like a punch and it SUCKS. Enjoy the good you can find in your life (which it sounds like you’re doing) and value every moment you have with him.
Post # 4
originally it was a given that I would cancel it, even though we weren’t having family at our Destination Wedding. We originally thought his injuries would be more extensive than they are, but over the past week he has come on in leaps and bounds and his MRI showed signs of the haemorrhage healing itself, leading to increased nerve activity and sensitivity which is amazing.
My dad had a really serious word with me about he wedding and told me he could be home before I even go, but no matter what I just can’t get excited about it. I’m pretending to be, and everyone’s acting like its a given that I should want to go and that I should be excited about my new job, but all I want to do is be with my dad. I really hope your dad is okay my lovely!
Post # 5
@smealeys: ((Hugs)) You are going through so many different situations that on their own carry so much emotion. Having it all happen at once is one hell of a roller coaster ride for your heart. Don’t worry so much about sorting your head out right this instant. Your reactions are completely normal, and honestly I’m so impressed that you’ve been able to keep it together and going through all of it. Let your emotions work their way out, and in a little bit more time, things will settle down naturally on their own.
Post # 6
I’m sorry to hear about your dad but I’m really happy that he’s getting better. Congrats on your new job, and your upcoming wedding! Sometimes it’s hard to get yourself out of a rut like this but just try to be present. Even if you aren’t overwhelmed with joy on the days leading up to your wedding, be present and soak it in. Let yourself be a little bit happy. Enjoying yourself and your wedding won’t make your dad any better or worse so let yourself have this happy time. Best wishes to you.
Post # 7
That is a LOT for anyone to go through. If you feel overwhelmed, that is a NATURAL RESPONSE.
I can’t say I know what you’re going through, all I know is on a smaller scale, when my friend got married, they were going through what they called a lot of stress, nothing to the level you’re going through, and they wanted to postpone the wedding. EVERYONE talked them into sticking with the wedding date and it worked out for the best.
Good to hear your dad is improving, and your deep care and love you demonstrate for him is tribute to what a wonderful wife you will be, and how blessed your soon to be husband is.
Post # 8
thank you guys so much! I just feel guilty about how I’m not handling this very well when everyone around me seems to be. I feel so far from my dad and the amount of work/wedding preparation I have to do just isn’t getting done.
I just keep feeling like the saying ‘it never rains but it pours’ is so apt right now, I’m always looking for ways to shake up my life and give myself a little change of pace and now I can hardly keep up!
Thank you everyone for being so kind, I know it’s a bit ‘first world problems’ aside from my dad being sick but it feels so hard to own up and admit I’m not handling things.
Post # 9
oh i really feel for you. Can you ask your friends/future in laws for some wedding help?
We just found out my Dad has cancer and the prognosis isn’t good, such a shock and really distressing that he’s deteriorating quickly. I am already married, but have a baby on the way, it is hard to seperate the emotions. One one hand you have a beautiful wedding to look forward to, and on the other hand your Dad is unwell, but focus on the positive that he is improving.
Wishing you all the best for your wedding and your dad’s recovery
Post # 10
@smealeys: I am sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. I’m sending positive thoughts and support your way!
Post # 11
Oh my goodness! I looked you up to see if you’d been married yet and found this thread.
Sending you hugs. My dad had a stroke a few years ago, so I can kind of relate (although I wasn’t planning a wedding at the time.)
I’m not sure if you are here yet but I hope you are having an amazing time. Know that your parents do genuinely want this for you. Tell your photographer what happened and ask if s(he) can send you some teaser pictures so that you can share with your parents right away. It really will lift their spirits.
Post # 12
@smealeys: Sending love and hugs. I experienced 2 tragedies within 2 weeks of my wedding (a Bridesmaid or Best Man lost her long-time boyfriend in a car crash and my grandfather died the day before the wedding). It is so hard to feel happy when those around you are so sad.
I will say, the day of the wedding was extra emotional, but also, everyone just wanted a happy event to take their minds off the sadness, if even for a little while.
In terms of planning, put the non-essential things in the “can it” pile and really figure out what NEEDS to be done. No one will notice, or blame you, if programs aren’t made or table numbers aren’t quite a finished product. They will be more focused on you and your energy.
I wish your dad a speedy recovery, he sounds like he’s doing his best to stay positive.