Post # 1
This is my first post
I am co planning a bachelorette party for one of my friends. We have decided on a three day cruise (we all live in Florida) because it is actually one of the most affordable options for a weekend getaway. We are sailing in January.
Two of the girls invited to the party requested that their SO be included on the cruise…that they would stay in a different cabin away from us.
I told her absolutely not! This is a girls getaway weekend. No kids, No Men. It’s a cruise ship…I mean how much trouble can you really get into on a cruise?
The married guest cited that her husband had just returned from military duty last month. This is August, we are not going until January. If they want to spend time together, shouldn’t they do it on their own watch and not at the bride’s party? I mean it is 6 months away.
The husband in question made a bit of a stink about a bachelorette party we held locally for a friend about three years ago…I figured it was just because they were newly dating and he was a bit insecure. This just seems completely insane.
Am I crazy for thinking she is crazy for even asking? Did I do the right thing by saying absolutely NOT. Let me know if any of you have had something similar happen.
Post # 3
@partyplanner83 If they are paying they can technically do whatever they want. And while it is odd, maybe they can only afford one vacation together? A 3 day cruise can be pretty pricey and while it’s not what I personally would do, maybe they are looking at it like a mini vacation as well.
Post # 4
@partyplanner83 If two girls want to bring their partners, I think that’s another way of them saying “A 3 day bachelorette party is too much”.
I agree they shouldn’t bring their men on a b. party. But let me also say: if the girls aren’t happy with what you’re planning, you need to plan something else. Because you can’t force anyone to go to a b. party. For many people, a 3 day bachelorette party is over the top.
Post # 5
@partyplanner83 If you’ve never been in a military relationship, I don’t think you can judge these women for wanting to spend as much time as possible with their partners.
Post # 6
I agree that it is weird to want their husband’s along, but you can’t really stop them unfortunately.
Honestly, I have a brother in the military, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I still do, and I think a husband would be even harder, even if they did have a few months to be together. It’s apparent that you don’t have a close family member or BF/FI in the military, so it may be hard for you to understand.
I would think a cruise would be expensive and I think 3 days is too much for these girls by the way they are reacting.
Post # 8
@partyplanner83:Have you asked the bride what she thinks? Maybe she won’t care if the guys tag along for the long weekend. You could plan a few ladies only events while on the ship. If the bride doesn’t care if they are on the ship, then there is no need for stress. It’s not like her fiance is coming…most bachelorette parties have some kind of interaction with guys anyway.
Post # 9
I’m not sure if I’d actually invite him along, but I’d certainly not be interested in a 3 day bachelorette party. That’s way too long and would not be fun.
I don’t see the problem with breaking up the time together with SO’s, especially when SO is in the military. I could imagine these couples wanting to spend as much time together as possible when they’re actually able to.
Post # 10
I agree with some other PPs. Fiance and I groan when we’re invited to overnight bachelor/bachelorette parties because it’s too long, let alone a weekend. In my opinion a bachelorette party should be one night, no guys, doing whatever you girls want to do, but more than that is asking too much in my opinion, regardless of how fun you think it will be, people have their own lives they are more interested in.
Post # 11
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I personally don’t think 3 days is too long. I’ve been to bachelorette parties in Las Vegas several times and those trips always last at least 2 nights. I’ve never once seen a girl ask to bring her husband along, that is just bizarre! The whole point is to get away with the girls. Sadly if they think 3 days is too long, you may need to rethink the trip. Sorry and good luck!!
Post # 12
Was she crazy for asking? No. Were you crazy for saying no? No. People just have different oppinions as to what is appropriate for a bach party. I hosted a girls only long weekend bachelorette party for my best friend – because that was, specifically, what she requested. It was fun but long. I could understand why it would be too much for some people. I am also very protective of my PTO, so that is something to consider.
Post # 13
Thanks for the input. I’m only planning what the bride requested. Fun girls weekend. She is not interested in the dinner, limo, club, stripper scene.
For the record, the cost and duration of the trip was crowd sourced among the people that would be invited before planning even really started to see how people felt about the 1.duration 2. budget. Short cruises are poplular in South Florida as we live close to the port and get discounts for being Florida residents. To be honest an overnight trip with dinner and drinking gets pricey in it’s own right and this is definately more bang for our buck to go this route. We are within the budget agreeded upon as “reasonable” by the wedding party (6 bridesmaids) and three or four other women. This wasn’t just planned on a whim.
We had a cost issue with the first location request by the bride, which was Key West. We already had to break it to her that it was too expensive and just not realistic.
Let me also say that these girls are not part of the wedding party but are friends of the bride…and me too! I would never try to force anyone into anything they aren’t comfortable with.
Only one of them has a husband in the military. He got back from boot camp about a month ago and is in the reserves. I’m not minimizing or judging his role in the military. He’s not on his way out of the country anytime soon (that we know of). I am aware that can change at any time. However, she was aware of trip, was asked her opinion about changing from Key West to a cruse and agreeded that this was a good idea about 3 weeks ago. If things have changed and this is somehow a budget thing and she is choosing “between” vacations …well I would pick my SO everytime.
The other girl just said…hey I want to bring my boyfriend! Yeah…I have no time for that.
I guess I should have seen it coming, as this husband had a problem with the last party we did for another mutual friend…which consisted of dinner, party games at my house, and dancing at a local club. No strippers, no overnights involved.
I feel like if I let one husband come, I have to invite all of them. Then this really isn’t a bachelorette party at all…might as well invite the groom too at that point.
The co-planner has contacted me, and is on the same page…her reply text being “maybe I should bring my 4 year old too!” So there is strength in numbers I suppose.
Post # 14
Yeaaaaa I think I would just change the plan to a non overnight bachelorette. Sucks, but you dont want husbands/boyfriends there and if you do go on a 3 day weekend that everyone is paying for themselves then those ladies can bring whoever they want, you cant stop them. The only way to stop them is do a one day party.
Post # 15
I my experience with bparties you can’t try to please everyone. You are not crazy for saying no to this girl and although I agree that I personally wouldn’t want to devote 3 days to the bride, if that’s what the bride has requested and is agreed upon by the girls then go for it.
I say plan whatever the bride would want. Don’t allow the men to come. And if the military wife doesn’t want to be seperated from her hubby for 3 days then she will just have to decline the invite to the bparty. It may sound insensitive, but if you make exceptions for one girl you’ll end up getting all sorts of requests!
Post # 16
If the girls asking to bring their SO’s aren’t part of the bridal party I would just flat out tell them no husbands or boyfriends. If they choose not to come because of that, oh well that’s their choice. Would they have had their men tag along to Key West as well? They already said they were okay with the cost/duration/etc so if they would rather spend money on a vacation with their husbands, then don’t go to the b. party