(Closed) Odd dilemma

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1035 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If you want a ring, I say go buy yourself a ring. Plus then you get exactly what you want.

Post # 17
1155 posts
Bumble bee

The fact that you can’t buy yourself a piece of cheap jewelry because a man tells you “no” is the most distressing part about this. 

Post # 18
4102 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

I would just tell him that you’re upset you dont have a ring and if he doesnt have anything in the works, you’d like to go shopping this weekend to pick out a new one & ask when would work for his schedule. Obviously he’s not going to do it on his own accord and if that upsets you (which it clearly does) you should have a conversation about it with him. But the actual ring part of this issue is fairly easily solveable. Maybe turn it into a nice date and go for a fancy dinner afterwards!

Post # 19
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

View original reply
megan9669 :  I have a few questions. 

Why on earth would you need his permission to buy yourself a common piece of jewelry? 

How in the hell did he even lose your ering to begin with? If it really was just a “genuine accident,” why would he not be jumping at the chance to replace it? 

Your post really isn’t adding up. I don’t understand why/how he would lose your ring and then all of a sudden become so hellbent about replacing it if you already have everything sorted out for your elopement. 

Post # 20
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Larger issue is you feel he doesn’t really want to get married this should be your focus. 

I would definitely NOT buy myself a ring to replace one he lost if he told me not to even get a cheap ring. Wtf. Mixed signals from him- not cool, esp before you get married. And why doesn’t he think he gets to tell you what to buy- but more importantly why does he not want you to have a ring.

Did he really lose your ring ? Starting to wonder. 

Post # 21
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is his always the only vote allowed when there is a decision to made?

What issues, aside from the ring, lead you to believe he doesn’t want to be married? 

How on earth did he lose your ring? Is it possible he has already acquired a replacement? (And even if he has, why would he care about you picking up a cheap ring on your own for now?)

Post # 22
7266 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree that you should just buy yourself a new one. I wonder if he’s feeling foolish or wasteful having lost a ring already and the entire ring thing leaves a bad taste in his mouth- so it’s not that he doesn’t want to get married, he’s just feeling badly about that first ring and rings in general. Especially if all the other planning has happened and he hasn’t been resistent there.

I’m going to ask- is it actually true that you would be okay with an inexpensive $12 ring, though? or is it that you want a ring on your finger and you’re willing to have that but down the line you’d like to have another “nicer” ring. I think you should be clear about what you want so that you can be clear with him and feel good about whatever happens.

“Hey- I’m going to get myself this stand in ring. I just wanted to give you a heads up.” then buy the ring and wear it.

“Hey- i’m wondering if you’re bummed about the first ring and feeling burned by the whole ring topic right now. I’d still like a ring to represent our intentions and I saw one that I liked. It’s 12 bucks. Would you like to give me 10 on it?” then buy the ring and wear it.

“Hey- I really would like to have a ring to wear so I’m going to pick one up. I’d love for you to gaze into my eyes and say lovely words to me when I get it. At some point, down the line, I’d like another ring from you. If you’re down with that, let me know when the sting of the ring topic decreases for you.” Then buy the ring, hand it to him so he can say lovely words to you, then put it on your hand and wear it.

Post # 23
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

May be he pawned it or sold it. Why can’t you say how it got lost bee?

Post # 24
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Get your own ring and when he wants to replace it with a nicer one, he can. 

Post # 25
8490 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
megan9669 :  Did he lose the ring before he gave it to you or after? Did you actually see the ring? What about wedding rings? Are either or both of you going to wear wedding rings? Do you have those yet?

Post # 26
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Wait, what?

…He doesn’t want to be engaged? And he lost your engagement ring? And he refuses to get another one? Ummm…

I’m confused. Does he want to get married…? I think you have bigger problems that a ring here??

Post # 27
693 posts
Busy bee

Did you guys buy wedding bands yet?

Any chance that he kidnapped your ring to have a special band made for you? Just throwing it out there because his behaviour about it seems quite odd.

Post # 28
645 posts
Busy bee

I would just buy the GBP12 ring and tell him afterwards “Hey, I bought this stand in ring. Let me know when you already buy me a replacement e-ring that you like/plan for me”

Post # 29
6370 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
megan9669 :  “Just adding to my feelings the he doesn’t actually want to be engaged!”

What? Why else do you think this?

Post # 30
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
megan9669 :  

Was the ring not insured?

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