(Closed) Odd (?) Sleeping Arrangements

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Darling Husband often sleeps on the couch because he doesn’t really like covers and he likes having the TV on. I can’t sleep with the TV on.

I see no problem with it unless it’s hurting your sex life or if it really seriously bothers you. But like you said you tried it together and it doesn’t work. Don’t worry about it.

Lucy and Ricky had separate beds too! ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 4
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Some of the happiest, well-adjusted couples I know sleep in separate bedrooms for some of the same reasons you mentioned. I’m sorry you feel like there’s something wrong with it, because you shouldn’t! My husband’s grandparents lived in separate sides of a duplex for years before they moved into their retirement community and now still live in separate bedrooms – they’ve been married over 50 years and are perfectly happy!

If you’re truly unhappy with the situation, then have a serious talk about it with your SO. If you’re just unhappy because you think it isn’t normal, I wouldn’t try to change what works for you guys as a couple. It’s more normal than you think. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

There’s nothing wrong with you guys. I think a lot of women sometimes even wish their husbands could have their own bed because of snoring and other gross/annoying sleeping habits. I wouldn’t worry about it. As long as you guys know you both want to share a bed down the road (or you both may decide you hate sleeping in the same bed), then it’s all good!

Post # 7
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Haha, goodness no. How long did y’all try to share the same bedroom? It was a few months before we figured it out. Darling Husband goes to bed promptly at 10, and wakes up at 5:30. I usually stay up (if left alone) until 5am, and wake up at 11am. When we got married, I would go to bed with him, and read until I got tired. Then after a little while, I started waking up with him (still sooo hard), which made me tired earlier.

Also, I find I don’t wake up whenever he does, anymore. I used to be such a light sleeper, but now that I share my room, I’m starting to sleep through his moving around in the morning. Until he shakes me to wake up.

It just takes time, and with your different work schedules, there’s not much incentive to change your sleep schedules. You’ll figure it out, but there’s  nothing wrong with what you do now.

Post # 8
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think this is a lot more common than you might think. As long as you’re getting the physical contact time that you need (cuddling, intimacy, etc), sleeping apart is fine. My grandparents sleep in separate bedrooms and it works great for them!

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We have the exact same sleeping issues you do, and here’s what we did:

1. No computers in the bedroom. Those stay in the living/dining area, always.

2. We got a memory foam mattress, and upsized to a king sized bed. There are a ton of great options that are waaaaaay cheaper than Tempurpedic! I can’t feel him moving around at night anymore and it doesn’t wake me up!

3. We sleep with separate blankets – it keeps him from stealing all the covers when he rolls around!

Separate bedrooms may be the answer, but it might be worth trying to banish the computer to the common area, and try the separate blankets. If you think the memory foam mattress would be the last piece of the pussle to get you in the same bedroom, then you could rent out that extra bedroom and save more money!

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh, and we wake and go to bed at totally different times, too, but that has never been an issue as we prep the night before. I lay my clothes out so that I can leave the bedroom to get ready, he lays his cell phone cord, etc out so that he doesn’t have to fumble in the dark after i’ve gone to bed.

Post # 11
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

oh i think it is far more common than you think. As long as there is regular cuddles and, eh, relations, i wouldn’t worry.

 

Post # 12
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Many couples sleep separate their entire lives. Darling Husband and I had separate rooms until we got married. I wouldn’t worry about it. Do what works for you without overanalyzing and thinking that it means anything about your relationship.

Post # 13
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Seriously Darling Husband and I would probably have these same issues except we’re lucky enough to have a king size bed. You said it yourself, once you grow out of this apartment and this stage in your life and you have more room to put things like computers and you have a bigger bed some of what you’re feeling insecure about will probably just dissipate. If he’s a thrasher, you may not feel him if you’re all the way in the other bed. For different reasons than sleep issues, Darling Husband and I have a king size bed frame but actually use two twin XL mattresses in the frame, so we technically have two separate beds so if he’s being really annoying I can crawl over into mine and we don’t really feel each other. Although that’s not why we have this arrangement, it’s an added bonus. I wouldn’t worry about this right now while you’re both students. It may feel “weird” sometimes but your school work is your priority right now and if his sleeping habits, etc. are going to interfere with the rest you need to peform and be successful than I would be grateful that you’re able to still live together, yet have what you need to function, at the same time. 

Post # 14
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There was an article about this in the NY Times a while ago: To Have, Hold and Cherish, Until Bedtime

It’s common enough that some home builders build in dual master bedrooms!

Post # 16
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Me & Fiance had those same issues when we had our apartment in college! Exept we just had one possible bedroom so we had to suck it up. Now that we have a house though, its not a problem. I usually go to bed before him, and he can stay up in another room on his computer or playing video games. We have a larger bed now too, with a memory foam mattress. We never wake each other up anymore ๐Ÿ™‚ There is nothing wrong with you guys! And I totally understand how you feel about having your own place.. I felt the same way too. I was so happy to not have roomates anymore! 

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