Post # 1
I’ve been left by my ex-fiance 3 times in the past year. Each time has been more painful and detached than the last. We weren’t even on speaking terms the last time, because I’m just getting tired of his flightyness and disrespect. This has been going on for over a year (the freakouts and breakups).
Do any Bees have true stories of a relationship with a commitment-averse man working out? He’s just been going bonkers every few months in our committed, long-term relationship within the last year (together almost 4 years), including one cancelled wedding and a broken engagement. He’s 26; I’m a few years older.
Currently we’re broken up. I’m not even sure I want to sign myself up for this for a lifetime, at this point. Every breakup just makes me less comfortable and less able to have trust in him. I just wanted to know if anyone has seen this on-off situation work out, where it’s the guy being so flighty and flakey – any stories?
Post # 3
Don’t take him back. Period. He broke off your engagement 3 times? Once is bad enough, but with 3 you are now allowing him to mistreat you. People show you how to treat them, and you are showing him that you are not worth his love and respect. Let him go and find someone that would do anything in the world not to hurt you. I’m sorry girl, but this guy is not the one.
Post # 4
Agreed! He has told you THREE times this year that you’re not the one for him. Believe him!
And, NO, these stories very rarely have happy endings! Only in chick flicks!
Post # 5
Sorry, I haven’t been in this situation as an adult, but from seeing others in this situation, no, it doesn’t ever change. It’s just not worth the pain. You will be happy once you get to the other side after enough time has passed.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
He has issues and you cannot “fix” him. Do yourself a big favor and move on. Give yourself the opportunity to be in a relationship with someone more emotionally mature and reliable.
Post # 8
@incognitobee3: Why do you keep taking him back? This only hurts you. You may have loved him at one time but do you really love him now? Are you sure you want to degrade yourself by taking him back again? Each time you take him back he looses more respect for you. If he loved you he would be married to you right now. Do yourself a big favor and stop this cycle. Free yourself woman!
Post # 9
Love is a Choice, Yes there are those feelings as well but those feelings fade. The fact you’ve broken up 3 times now show’s that he’s chosen not to love you ( sorry its super harsh even to type) BUT you DESERVE better, don’t EVER settle for nothing but the best, you are saying “hey I don’t value myself” everytime you say yes to getting back together. You want a man who know’s what he wants and knows he wants you and chooses to Love you.
Hope it gets better xoxo
Post # 10
You took the words right out of my mouth!
Post # 11
I’m afraid I’ve never heard of a happy ending in these circumstances. Clearly this man is a coward as well as a commitment-phobe and you deserve a great deal better. Let him go. He’s not worth trying to fix.
Post # 12
@incognitobee3: I went through this for 2 years. It didn’t have an happy ending. Well, not in that sense. We are actually having a baby now (surprise!) but we aren’t together. That part is happy- we are both really excited!
Post # 13
Oh man, my last relationship was like this. Just run. I spent two years trying to force a bad relationship to work. All it was was a waste of time. I would try to distance myself from my ex and he would come back just long enough to make me wonder if we could make it work. Once I would start to give in a little, he would disappear again. I finally had to tell him to leave me alone permanently. He knew I meant it and hasn’t tried to contact me since. Ugh. Once you’re over him, you’ll be glad you walked away. Trust me. Relationships like that are toxic.
Post # 14
Ugh. What an immature jerk! Time to find someone worth your time!
Post # 15
My mom went through hell and back with a guy like this. She even married him, and he STILL did this to her. Totally destroyed her for a couple of years. Save yourself the trouble and do NOT get back together with this guy!!
Post # 16
@incognitobee3: I think the only way that this can turn out well is if it is a maturity thing and he grows out of it. However, do you want to bank on this possibility?
As hard as it is I would take this as a sign that you are not meant to be together, certainly not at this moment in your life. I would start moving on.
Men who are commitment-phobes rarely change and even if he did would it erase the hurt you must feel after 3x having the rug pulled out from under you and your heart completely tramped upon?