Post # 1
I’m newly engaged and would love your opinions/input.
We’re having a small and intimate wedding. We’re inviting about 75 people to the wedding but expect about 40-50 to attend. Originally, I planned on having four BMs but with a wedding so small I don’t feel it’s necessary and I feel good for having my oldest and closest friend standing up with me as my Maid/Matron of Honor. I feel it’d be silly to have ten people standing up in the wedding party and have about 30 or so guests sitting down. I also feel like since it’s a small wedding I want everyone feel valued and special for coming to celebrate with us.
I know one of my friends is offended and hurt that I’m not having BMs bc she expected to be one. I expressed my thoughts and feeling for not having them but I have a feeling she thinks I’m being unfair or that somehow I’m not “rewarding” her for her friendship.
Can you suggest a way that I can make her feel special on the day of the wedding? My fiance suggested I make a special bouquet or corsage for her to wear to show her how important she is to me. Could you give me any other ideas?
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
There are ways that you can involve in and before your wedding – maybe take her to look at dresses or flowers, if you are thinking about incorporating readings into the ceremony, think about asking her, if she is artistic or has a special talent (i.e. singing) think about ways to incorporate that, ask her to help you plan a bach party or engagement party – if she feels involved, she may not mind not having the title.
Post # 4
I think if you are only having a Maid/Matron of Honor your other friends should understand. I wouldn’t get her a corsage or anything, she is a friend…not a parent or grandparent! Maybe you can ask her to read a poem or something to feel included. I think it’s odd that she is mad about this, you are having an intimate ceremony and it’s not like you asked 5 friends and not her.
Post # 5
I know of other brides that decided to just have one Maid/Matron of Honor and no bridesmaids and their friends were deeply hurt. I had several friends that I wanted to include in my wedding but knew I wouldn’t be able to. One idea I found online said to have your closest friends who you want to stand out at the wedding wear a dress of their choice in your wedding colors. Check out this post on a bride who did this: http://www.isntshelovely.org/2009/03/bridesmaids-without-title-or.html
Also check out these suggestions: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art46419.asp
Post # 6
These are all great suggestions! Thanks so much for your help and for your reassurement.
I think I will go the route of having my friend come to wedding dress shopping and ask her to help plan the bachelorette party. She’s a writer so I may ask her to write something to be read at the wedding.
And I agree with Soon2beMrsM that she’s a friend and I shouldn’t get her a corsage. I think she might just have to learn to be ok with my decision.
Post # 7
You know what I think would be a great idea is to get her to a witness. My friend Courtney had 3 bridesmaids in total but her sister wasnt one of them, so what she did was when they went to sign the register… her sister got up and signed as a witness. It was a great gesture, included her in the wedding, and she felt important.
Just throwing and idea out there.
Looking forward to reading about your wedding!
Post # 8
How about asking her to perform a reading?
I guess as I get closer to my own wedding, I’m becoming totally intolerant of the unnecessary distractions that crop up along the way. This is your wedding. You set the pace, you set the tone. If you don’t want a bridal party, make it known and let that be the end of it. Your friend is probably just feeling insecure. She’ll get over it when you recruit her to help you out and to perform whatever special task you entrust her with.
I promise… you’re going to want to have as few things on your plate as possible. Just reassure her that you love her and get focused. She’ll get over it.