Post # 1
Well it have done it now! Our Destination Wedding is in 3 1/2 months. It’s for a whole week although some are just coming for 4 or 5 days, so the handful of friends who have kids are mostly bringing them. We sent a personal message to them separately this week saying that we had thought about organising (and paying for) a nanny during the ceremony and reception, who would have the kids on site in my mum’s apartment at the resort, and who had been recommended by the resort. We basically just outlined the idea, told them how many kids would be there and ages, and asked how they felt about the plan.
We had no reply from one couple which I take to be a bad sign. 2 other couples saidthey were fine with it. One of my bridesmaids just replied and said she had thought her little girl was invited, and as they aren’t comfortable leaving her with someone they dont know would be reassessing their plans and canceling her partner and daughter’s tickets.
Eeek! I have messaged her back apologising profusely, saying I was just floating the idea as it was proposed by the resort, and that we ae fine with the kids there but thought it might be something the parents would appreciate so they could have a child-free night. I’m worried she is very mad! I don’t have kids and don’t really know what is appropriate with kid stuff – am I being Bridezilla here??
Post # 3
It was just an idea and you shouldn’t feel bad at all. It sounds like Bridesmaid or Best Man is completely overreacting. You didn’t say that they HAD to use the child-care option, but you are letting them know that it could be made available and you are just gauging interest. Sounds like she’s a drama queen, that one! Don’t feel bad and you are NOT being a Bridezilla! You are being quite kind and thoughtful about your guests.
Post # 4
From the way you phrased it here, it sounds like maybe she was overreacting. If you were just floating an idea out there, she shouldn’t be offened. I think your response back with and apology and clarifying was exactly what you should do and hopefully she’s fine. If she’s still upset after this, I’m not sure why!
Post # 5
OP, you sound very thoughtful and that is a nice gesture. Maybe she didn’t get the feel that kids are OK at the weding, and that this was an optional idea that you were considering. She’s nutty, you’re fine. Congrats and enjoy your DW!!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t feel bad at ALL! People are very sensitive when it comes to their kids, but once she realizes you were just asking for parental thoughts it’ll be fine. I would send all the parents a new message and say ‘I got some mixed thoughts on the Nanny idea, and would hate for anyone to feel uncomfortable so have told the resort ‘Thanks, but no thanks’.
Honestly, I don’t know how I’d feel about a Nanny I’d never met watching my (hypothetical) kids either, especially so far away from home, and (assuming, could be wrong) in another country. It sounds innocent, and probably would be fun for the kids too…but my paranoia would make it so that I couldn’t enjoy the wedding because one of us would always be checking on them.
Post # 7
Nope. You are being a very nice bride. I’m not going to lie, the one time I went for a Destination Wedding, the reception was very annoying because everyone attended it like it was a Disney Cruise (it was in the Bahamas at the Atlantis). There were sooooo many kids and they were so loud! Sorry, but most folks couldn’t hear the MC or the DJ making announcements nor could they hear the toasts. I wish the bride had asked for a nanny for folks…FWIW, most of the kids were in the 3-9 year range. I did have another friend who allowed the kids to join adults during some parts of the dancing but otherwise had them in another room with DVDs and ice cream. Peace!!!
Post # 8
I think it 100% depends on how you worded it. If you made it clear from the get go in the email that it was optional and that the kids were still invited then I think she is overreacting. But if I had paid for a Destination Wedding and then all of a sudden it seemed like kids weren’t welcome I would be a little miffed finding out after everything was booked.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies – hopefully the other parentsdaren’t upset and it’s just the one I need to smooth things over with. I’m feeling pretty paranoid about upsetting people. The wedding is in the same country but away from home, obviously, and being aware that some people might have felt uncomfortable about leaving their kids with a nanny I thought I was careful about wording it as a thoughtful option. Sometimes – actually most of the time – I really, really wish we had just had a regular wedding at home!
Post # 10
I’m just thinking from their POV since it’s a destination wedding they have to bring their child to the resort. Plus, they are spending extra money (and time) to travel. Is there anyway you can ask they don’t come to the ceremony (if you are afraid they’ll be noisy) and just have them at the reception?
If this was an at home wedding I would agree with you about not bringing the kids and getting a babysitter.