(Closed) Offensive Best Man – Halp.

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If you really are stuck with him then nix the best man’s speech. 

Post # 3
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree that skipping the best man’s speech seems best.

Post # 4
Member
2709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Yep, skip the speech.

Post # 5
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee

Gonna go ahead and say that his disgusting behavior is grounds for asking him to step down from the wedding party even though you already asked him. 

Post # 6
Member
4686 posts
Honey bee

Don’t have speeches.  They aren’t required.  You are the same amount of married with speeches as you are without.

Also, have you asked your fiance why this guy is apparently his best friend?  Because more concerning than a potential speech is that your fiance apparently condones this kind of behavior on the reg and remains in close contact with someone who has this philosophy.  Because it isn’t just jokes- he may claim it is but there is always a kernel of truth when people make jokes like this.  They say birds of a feather flock together and you are known by the company you keep- so why is your fiance condoning this except all of a sudden when it will be in front of your family?

Post # 8
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

sweirdo :  get your fiancé to ask to proof read the speech first, otherwise no speeches. That’s horribly rude and offensive behaviour….

Post # 10
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Nix the speeches.

 

Post # 11
Member
4686 posts
Honey bee

Well, I would highly recommend being more forceful in your disapproval of this type of language instead of just uncomfortably laughing it off as crude humor.  Even if you don’t do speeches, your wedding day is longer than the 5 minutes speeches take.  Do you really think he isn’t going to be making these kinds of “jokes” while mingling and socializing in front of your family and everyone else?  Getting ready, cocktail hour, dinner, socializing and dancing afterwards? 

Post # 12
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, this is exactly the type of behavior that needs to stop. I agree with the PP that said you should ask him to step down. Doesn’t sound like that’s an option. By “laughing it off” and not addressing this harmful behavior, he is going to keep doing this. And, like pp said, even IF you cut the speech, he’s most likely going to say these things all night long. By allowing him to act this way, you are being complicit in this, and to me that isn’t ok. 

I purposely told some family members they couldn’t come based on some of their views, and it wasn’t as outrageous as this. 

Post # 13
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee

And, I would have serious doubts about my Fiance if that was the person he chose to stand up with him out of everyone he knows, and that he doesn’t have any issues with these jokes? This is a big issue to me….I would not be laughing it off.

Post # 14
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee

By not calling out his very offensive comments and actions, you and your Fiance are silently condoning them. You both need to open your mouths and say something. A simple “That is not funny” or “That is offensive” will do. Don’t get into an argument about it – just repeat your statement. If he persists, cut ties.

I have to ask how desperate you are for friends that you and your Fiance would continue associating with this a-hole.

It is NOT too late to take him out of the wedding.

 

Post # 15
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I hear a lot of excuses as to why this person has been and will continue to be allowed to act this way. I wouldn’t trust that he won’t, depsite your best efforts, say something gross at your wedding. You have two options: No speeches or take him out of the wedding. I’d do the latter, but because it doesn’t really sound like anyone has addressed this with him before, it may come as a surprise to him. Not your probelm, but be ready for the fallout.

If you insist on having him there, you need to start stepping up and speaking out about this behavior in every day conversation. I understand it’s difficult, but it’s necessary. We didn’t invite a few family members due to similar behavior. As a PP said, if you don’t address it, you’re condoning it, which makes you part of the problem.

The topic ‘Offensive Best Man – Halp.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors