- 7 years ago
This is my first post! I wish it was on something more pleasant but I wanted to get everyone’s thoughts on this.
I have been engaged since last fall (2011) and am getting married in September 2012 and my family (immediate and extended) have been aware of the date for several months now.
One month ago, my grandfather unexpectedly had to go to the hospital and he ended up passing away very suddenly. It was very sad and sudden and heartbreaking for our family. I was close with my grandfather and although my family lived in California and I live in New York, I visited him every chance I got when I was at home. When I heard he was sick in the hospital last month I took time off work and flew back the very next day. We had the funeral for him the week after in Los Angeles, and there is another funeral ceremony out of the country in Taiwan in my grandfather’s home town scheduled for the end of next month (not many are attending this one since most already attended the funeral in LA – I am the only one from my immediate family) that I am flying out for.
Now, it has been a month since my grandfather passed away and it also is the 6-month mark before the wedding. Many friends had been asking when I was going to send out save the dates, etc., so they could plan ahead, so I figured it might be ok to send out an email with some basic information now.
I sent out an email to friends and family with a link to our wedding website and asking that they fill out a form for addresses to mail out invites in a few months. I got many positive responses from people and even my Aunt who said congratulations and that she would be happy to attend the wedding and the website looks great. She even filled out the form to give me her address for the invite.
Well, the next day the same Aunt sent me an email and cc’d the rest of my family (dad, mom, two uncles) and told me that sending out my wedding announcement and Save the Date was inappropriate and that my uncles are in no mood to think about the wedding as they are preparing for my grandfather’s second funeral service in Taiwan next month. She told me that I had put my uncles and cousins in an awkward situation by asking that they fill out the form in the next couple of weeks before the family was leaving for Taiwan. She went on to say that according to Chinese tradition, I should not get married in the next year out of respect for my grandfather.
Now, I feel really bad because that was certainly not my intention to offend anyone or make them feel uncomfortable. I thought waiting a month would be ok to start sending out a Save the Date and just wanted to be courteous to all friends and family by giving them time to plan in advance which is customary. In any case, I replied to everyone and apologized for making anyone feel uncomfortable and agreed that our Grandfather came first and I understood if people did not have time to fill out a form for my wedding at the moment, but I explained that it was just a customary courtesy email/Save the Date to let folks know.
I am just really confused, and a bit sad and frustrated. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, certainly not the memory of my grandfather (who we are going to honor at the wedding with old photos, etc.), and it’s strange that my Aunt would be so complimentary and then send something so mean to me and CC everyone. I can’t really change the wedding date since we put down deposits for everything, and I feel like my Grandfather would have wanted us to continue with the wedding as planned.
What are your thoughts, hive? Was I dreadfully inappropriate? Am I a disrepectful granddaughter who will be cursed for not waiting a year after the passing of an elder?
Little Bee 123