(Closed) Offensive Save the Date?

posted 7 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do not know anything about the Chinese culture, but I do know that I would find it weird to be asked to fill out a form by a bride.  I think that part of a bride and groom’s job is collecting addresses…call me old fashioned…and I don’t think an email form is a polite way to do so.

You apologized.  They can choose to attend, or not.  I wouldn’t postpone the wedding that is six months away because your grandfather passed away last month. 

Post # 4
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i dont think you would be cursed for not waiting an year… asian bee(korean) here and we have had many elders past in this family and none of us stopped doing what we had orignally planned to do/go through with.. we marked the funeral/memorial then 6 month or year anniversry we mark it again with food coming together. if its not on an big marker- ei exactly 6 or 12 months on the day of either services or the day he died i dont think its rude..


hugs for your loss


Post # 5
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think your fine. Maybe your Aunt isn’t dealing very well with the passing of your grandfather. Filling out an address form on a website takes all of 2 minutes, and perhaps your extended family would like something to take their minds off of the recent death in the family. I dont think it was very nice of your aunt to CC the whole family.

Has anyone else that received the email given you any feedback about it?

I’m very sorry for your loss *hugs* I’m sure your grandfather would be very happy that your getting married.

Post # 6
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@littlebee123:  Death is a part of life. I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Post # 9
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I probably would have waited over a month, but it’s not like you sent it out the next day. Maybe your aunt was fine with the email and then talked to the rest of your family and they complained? Maybe they even complained about her compliments to you since they found the timing offensive? That’s my only guess for her cc’ing everyone on the email, she cootherwise it’s pretty rude and something uld have said to you more privately. It is what it is. It was nice of you to send the apology email. I think you’ve done your part and should continue on with your original wedding plans. Especially if these beliefs or traditions have never been voiced before, how are you supposed to know? You kind of rely on your family to pass on cultural beliefs. Anyway, i think you handled the siation well, I’m sure by the time your wedding rolls around everyone will have forgotten about it =)

Post # 10
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m Chinese and I know my cousin was planning a wedding when a family member unexpectedly died and they had to get married in like a month or else they would have had to wait a year.  I can’t really remember, sorry, but I do recall their being some drama about getting married after a family member died – they had to do it really soon or else wait really long. 

Post # 11
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I think your aunt sounds stranggeee… especially the CCing your family members part.  That was seriously strange… in my family they would just talk behind my back! LOL! However, in my culture we also wait at least a year from the death of any family members (especially the matriarch and patriarch ) to have a wedding. It is just something about the soul needing to find its next host body…and we all have to prety for them to do so (hindu in the house)…that being said.. it is a real delicate balance between our eastern and western cultures… I can understand that you have already set the date and put down deposits.. but we also know that you could just as easily have the vendors just keep your deposits for a nother day 6 months from your prior date. I personally, would change my date…out of respect for my grandfather, mourning relatives and also our union. I wouldn’t want a cloud of sadness and/or gossip surrounding our day. Obviously you have the right to choose what you want to do with your money and your wedding. But as you can imagine…it will be difficult.

Post # 12
228 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry about your grandfather, but I don’t think you did anything wrong.  Life goes on even when people pass on.  I’m also not sure why it’s impolite to use an email form to get addresses; it is faster and more convenient for most people.  The people that don’t use computers can be called for their info.

Also, if you really tried to follow every possible Chinese tradition and superstition when it came to weddings, you would never get married!  Well, that’s an exaggeration, but I understand because I’m also Chinese and have pretty traditional elders.  My grandmother insisted we get married on an auspicious day.  When that became impossible, she compromised by saying that we had to at least sign the official papers on an auspicious day (so that we would actually be legally married on that day), but that no Chinese people could attend our wedding on the inauspicious day (which we ignored).  The rules and regulations just stop making sense after a while.

Post # 15
811 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know anything about your culture I’m afraid but In My Humble Opinion I don’t think you did anything wrong – you hade been planning well in advance, you waited appropriately, I think it’s unfair to say you have to wait a year (as I said, I don’t know anything about your culture, just talking as a Scot here)

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