(Closed) Offer BM opportunity to quit?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would just ask her if she is still happy being bridesmaid, if she seems unsure then offer her the option of backing out. Let her know that the most important thing to you us that she is part of your big day and you are happy to have her there as a guest if she would rather that than be in the wedding party. 

We have just had a similar conversation with the best man and he has now chosen to attend as a guest. 

Good luck 

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Appraoch it as “You’re such a wonderful person and I asked you to be apart of my wedding because _____________. I’ve noticed you have a lot going on in your life right now and I feel for you. I don’t want my wedding to be any added stress to your life so if you feel like you just can’t be apart of it right now I won’t be offended at all. If it’s not too much for you then all I expect for you to do is _______________.” Be supportive, positive and clear with your expectations.

Post # 5
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s very sweet that you’re concerned about her, but I wouldn’t give her an out.  If you are that good of friends, then she’s probably comfortable enough to step down if things get too much for her or she doesn’t think she can afford to travel to your wedding.

If she is stressing for money, and is telling you so, could you offer to help pay for her dress?  Also, she really only needs to show up the day of the wedding, clean and sober, and in the right dress. be great if she could make it to the rehearsal and help with decorating, but if she can’t make it or help for whatever reason then it’s ok.  You can certainly ask for help and ask that she be there, but if she can’t, then just reassure that it’s ok and that the important thing is that she’s there for the wedding.


Post # 6
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@RunsWithBears:  Agreed with RunsWithBears.  She’s an adult.  She can decide if she can’t handle it.  If she says nothing, I would assume everything is fine for the wedding.  Though I would spend the next while trying to be a good friend by offering to listen if she needs to vent, or offering to babysit so she can have a free night out.

Post # 7
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would maybe have a normal conversation about her that delves into her situation, and just say something like “I hope being in my wedding is a happy escape for your rather than just another obligation.  I’d hate to be a burden to you in any way.”  THEN if she grabs that as an opportunity to bow out, that’s fine, but I wouldn’t want to be the one to put the “you can leave if you want” words on the table.

Side note – I hope she’s negotiating a massive discount on rent for basically living in a show home. 

Post # 8
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Once again, RunswithBears beats me to the punch!  Its great that you’re concerned about your friend’s financial situation, but let her decide for herself.  Giving her the option to step down may very well backfire and could hurt her feelings.


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