(Closed) Offer to help pay for ring?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I helped. We combined our money even though we wernt married yet. I had no problem what so ever. It was worth it πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

i think it’s a very nice gesture on your part.  as for whether or not it would offend him, you know him best to gauge how he would take it. even if he doesn’t take the offer (if you do decide to offer), i’m sure he would appreciate it. but if doing this all on his own is really important to him, it might be a good idea to just let him do it his way.

Post # 5
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t see any problems with it.  Just like Jizes, we have combined our money even though we aren’t married yet.  My money is his money & his money is my money.

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it would depend on  your boyfriend.  My boyfriend and I played around with that idea as well (yay for tax refunds!) but he wasn’t all for it and admitted that if we did do it, he would never want to speak about it EVER…I think maybe men think it takes a little bit away from the whole significance of the proposal; he even said that he would feel like a man that couldn’t provide for me if he couldn’t even pay for a ring for me.  So – I guess it would just depend.  The compromise we came up with was when he started saving for the ring (about 8 months ago) I started saving for the wedding; that way, you’re still contributing towards your financial future together and Lord knows, you can never have too much money for your wedding lol

No matter what you decide, congrats on your upcoming engagement and enjoying ring shopping! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

It is definitely ok in this day in age. Or if you don’t want to offend him, just tell him that since he’s paying for the ring, you will put your money towards the wedding expenses. That way you both carry the financial burden equally.

Post # 8
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

my fi and i also lived together and had joint living expenses before he proposed. i offered to help pay for the ring, but my fi is more traditional than i am and didn’t want me to help (he also had an heirloom stone reset, so the cost was significantly less than it could have been if he was starting from scratch–he may have accepted my offer if it wasn’t an heirloom! i didn’t know about the heirloom at the time…). he wasn’t offended–i basically told him that i was happy to be as involved or uninvolved in both the picking out and paying for a ring, and he said he didn’t want me involved. he proposed about 5 months later…

Post # 9
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Even though I think he has tricks up his sleeves, I offered to help pay for the ring.  I mean we share a mortgage, utilities, even dog food expenses, why can’t I help?  He wouldn’t even really discuss the idea, which makes me think either 1) He’s actually being old fashioned about something πŸ˜‰ or 2) He doesn’t really neeeed the help.. Sigh, but still I wait.

Post # 10
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’d say save your refund for the wedding deposits – let him pay for the ring if he already has a savings plan in place and he’ll get there soon enough.  It sounds like he’s comfortable with the idea of paying for this himself.

Unless there was serious hardship, or you wanted a very expensive ring,  I think most guys would want to do this for you on their own.

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Depends on what kind of ring you want.  If you’re planning for a ring that’s a serious stretch then yes why not offer but if you’re happy with a wide range of prices, let him do it.

Post # 12
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If this is something that means a lot to you then talk to him about it.  This is a big step in a man’s life and they can get defensive about it.  Something to think about (or suggest) might be for him to select and purchase a loose diamond (assuming that is what you want///if not then whatever center stone you two want) and then propose to you with that in a temporary setting in whatever way he would want to do it. (they always put a loose stone in a temporary setting when you purchase it) Then after you say YES you can take a trip to the jeweler and pick out a setting together.  You can help pay for the setting, and he will still get to feel like he picked out something on his own and pay for it “like a man should provide”. People don’t need to know how much was spent on it, or who spent money one what.  I think that questions like that fall under the “don’t need to justify with an answer” category.

 

Post # 13
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

*side note: He might not to discuss this or want help purchasing the ring because he 

 

might have already bought it… and is working out a proposal plan

 

πŸ™‚ just a thought

Post # 14
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My opinion would be don’t offer. I think it will put pressure on you both, you because if you give him money you will be expecting a proposal soon. Him, because he may feel a time constraint & the e-ring is his gift to you. I know it may seem like a nice & helpful gesture, but I think it may actually be more stressful. He may already have the ring & want to suprise you. He may be waiting for a reason or for you to not be expecting it. My FI’s excuse was he was saving & hadn’t found the right ring… at first that was the case, but later that changed & he completely suprised me & he didn’t want me to know he even have gotten the ring yet. I mean, EVERY couple is different & maybe you offering will be gladly accepted, but I wouldn’t do that as I loved being suprised as that’s what he really wanted to do. The proposal is on the guy’s terms. All I told my Fiance was I didn’t need or really want a fancy expensive ring because what mattered to me most was who is giving me the ring & we can get fancy wedding rings later on & then didn’t bother him about it after. That way it was out there & he knew I honestly didn’t need a super fancy ring.

Plus, you can use your refund for wedding bands, or something wedding related, as I’m finding out things add up rather fast! Good luck πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - The Glen Manor House

Hold off.

I had thought about offering to contribute at one point in time (aka pre-engagement). Come to find out, he’d be saving for quite some time and had the situation completely under control. Moreover, my Fiance had been making financial comments purely to throw me off.

I agree with @serabell – save it for other wedding expenses, including his ring!

Post # 16
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with serabell.

My Boyfriend or Best Friend is very, “I want to be able to afford to buy you things,” and even though i tell him that “things” aren’t at all a factor, it’s just the fiscal independence that guys want. It’s part of their DNA to want to be able to provide for their woman…that’s certainly all changing lately as we’re all just trying to save a bit of money and relationships have become more fiscally “modern” (splitting bills instead of him paying for everything, etc.), but this is the one part of the wedding that he gets to completely control himself, and he may be really looking forward to that. All your future decisions (as well as your decisions up to this point I’m sure) will be made together, so why not let him control this one?

My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I live together and currently share ALL expenses (it really would be easier if we just had a joint banking account already to be quite honest :), but there are some things he still really wants to pay for, like my future ring for example. I told him (today actually πŸ™‚ that I really would like a moissanite gemstone as a center stone (look at moissaniteco.com for more info–classier than CZ but much cheaper than a diamond) rather than a diamond, which will save him a bunch of money. I would suggest something like that. If you really do still want a diamond, maybe mention that you wouldn’t mind a smaller size (and don’t be afraid to be specific!!) or a more simple setting or something–that will help narrow his search as well as save him money (and save you time!).

Another option may be to make up a fake friend from high school or something and say, “This girl I know just got engaged and actually paid for part of her ring…” and see what he says or thinks about that just to test the waters.

Sorry this is so long! I hope it’s helpful!

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