(Closed) Parents offered to help, so how do we pin down an exact amount?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents wanted us to pay for the wedding we could afford and would pay for on our own (to make sure that we weren’t just wasting their money on frivolous stuff we didn’t really want). Then they wrote us a check.

Maybe you can come up with a spending plan and detail it to your parents and ask what they will cover. If they’ve already offered to help, then you can be upfront about it and just ask them for a specific dollar amount.

Post # 4
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’s call around getting rough estimates on various things (rentals, foods, officiant, cakes, flowers, etc), then present the ranges of costs to them and let them determine if they want to take care of all of it, one portion of it, or just give a lump sum and you come up with the rest.  I’d say get some price ranges first and do research though before you talk to them.

Post # 5
Member
45656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Because they offered to help, I do think it’s fine to bring up the subject again.

I would just say” We are so appreciative of your offer of financial help for the wedding. We are however, finding it difficult to make decisions, not knowing the budget we will be working with. We also are not comfortable committing you to funding certain elements without knowing your budget. Would it be possible for you to tell us an amount that you would like to contribute? We commit to staying within that amount and really appreciate the support  that you have offered.”

Post # 6
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I would plan for a wedding that isn’t too much of a stretch if the amounts they plan to give are very small. Do something you could afford and then whatever they give will just be gravy!

Post # 7
Member
4442 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@daybyday:  +1

Post # 8
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@julies1949:  I would also need an idea of how much they plan to offer before committing to any major planning.  Ask them for a basic figure or a minimum figure so you can put together a budget.  I wouldn’t book anything without having an overall budget in place.  Nothing wrong with getting a few quotes from local vendors if they need an idea of what things will cost but generally once you have an actual budget you find ways to make it work.

You could always go for a shock and awe campaign by showing them the $50,000+ weddings in the bridal magazines.  Maybe then they will want you to have a better idea of how much you are actually working with.  Worst case scenario they don’t blink an eye and you get a $50,000+ wedding.

Post # 9
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@julies1949:  This. My parents offered money but were hedgy about an amount (we tend not to discuss finances in my family). We just expressed our thanks and requested they tell us an amount they were comfortable paying so we could be sure not to commit them to more than they wished to contribute.

Post # 12
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re kind of going through the same thing. We started planning and choosing things, and then FFIL offered to help us pay for stuff. There were never any specifics (and I’m not even sure what was said, because it was said to my FI), just that they wanted to help. They paid our venue deposit and want to pay for more, but we have NO idea how to bring it up. We have a set payment schedule for the reception venue (but nothing else–it’s all just pay as you go), and the next payments are quickly approaching, eek.

Post # 14
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When we were offered money, I just flat out asked what our budget was, and received an answer.

Post # 15
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

@Beautiful Bluegrass:  I hear that, but what people CAN spend is not always commensurate with what they DO spend. My in-laws are very wealthy and won’t even pick up the tab at dinner. So I’m just saying, best not to have too high of expectations and to view their contributions as a bonus!

Post # 16
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

i’m actually in the same boat. FMIL & FFIL offered to help and to just let them know but its hard bcause i don’t wanna keep asking. i was thinking that it is easier to do small payments to us rather then big sums. they and my parents cannot ford to cough up thousands at a time and plus that is how me and my FI are paying it off. i would try to see their money situation and look for a way of paying things as you go. so for example, when you pick your venue, they give you a little something to off-set the costs.

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