Post # 1
Back in probably November or December I received a STD to a coworkers wedding. This gave me the impression I would be receiving an invitation.
About a week ago I got a Facebook invitation to attend said coworkers wedding reception after like 8pm I believe. This gave me impression that I was now not going to get an invitation and was only invited to join in after dinner. Which then made me decide not to attend because it is not near my home and I would need to get a hotel room to attend.
Today I get an email that was sent out to the entire office. It was inviting everyone and a guest of their choice to their wedding. She said that another member of the office would post the invitation with a pile of RSVP’s for you to pick up if you wish… If you wanted a map or hotel accommidations she would drop those off for you.
Now I’m normally one to go against the grain and accept things that are not always etiquette appropriate but this leave such a bad taste in my mouth. I feel very unwanted as a guest and I also feel like I most definitely wasn’t worth the extra time and effort. I know this girl fairly well and have really tried to help her in her planning but this just makes me really not want to go at all. I know she doesn’t mean for this to be rude and I know that in MN it is becoming more common for people to do invitations to the reception but I just feel like I wasn’t worth a 42 cent stamp.
Would you go if this is how you were invited?
Post # 3
Or am I just being a snob about this?
Post # 4
No, it kinda sounds like they are planning a bbq or something… Like hey pick up an invite on your way out! If you want to go, then go but if you don’t feel like it don’t. Sounds a little odd to me.
Post # 5
I would base my decision NOT on how I was invited, but on whether or not I wanted to attend her wedding.
Clearly the girl is ettiquette challenged, but then again so are many brides, including some of us here on the bee. Brides are also consciously and actively ignoring the traditional rules of etiquette in order to force change and/or modernize the process.
Post # 6
It seems like an odd way to go about it, but I agree with pp about deciding whether to go or not based on if you wish to as opposed to the questionable invite etiquette.
Post # 7
Honestly, to me, it sounds a little like your office was B list. If you’re close with this girl, then go, you’ll have fun. If not, fine, but considering that you’re friends and have tried to help her with planning you may end up damaging your relationship a bit. It’s not the way I would choose to invite people to my wedding, but to each their own I guess.
Post # 8
I guess I just really got the feeling that I wasn’t actually invited when I got the reception invite. In my mind I wouldn’t send a reception invitation to someone I am actually going to invite to the wedding so I can’t shake the feeling I wasn’t meant for an actual invitation to begin with.
Post # 9
If you want to go, go. But I don’t think it’s worth buying a hotel room to attend this woman’s wedding, if you weren’t even worth the effort to send a real invitation.
Post # 10
@blg529: That is how I am feeling.
Post # 11
This sounds very strange. I would probably go if I were good friends with her, but I would still be confused by what the heck was going on!
Post # 12
It sounds a little odd, especially since she sent out Save-The-Date Cards. It could be a B list, or she may have just ended up overwhelmed and got behind on her invitations. You’re not obliged to go, so only go if you feel like it.
Post # 13
This is why I’m old-fashioned and I think etiquette is important. It’s not that anyone wants to stand above people with a ruler and make them follow THE RULES, it’s so you don’t alienate people and make your guests feel unwanted or used (for a gift).
So, no I wouldn’t go. She’s set the tone already — and that tone is “you aren’t important enough to me.”
Post # 14
How many people are at your office? If there are a lot, it seems like a normal situation to me. But I also come from a circle of friends who have tons and tons of people go to their weddings… so some people get formal invites, some people get facebook invites, and some get verbal. Not the most amazing way to go about things, but necessary IMO.
The only thing that would bother me is the invitation sent beforehand that said only to go to the 8pm reception. It seems to me she thought she would have too many people, then changed her mind when she had less RSVPs than planned for, so she added y’all to eat as well. It does suck, but honestly… I kind of did this with +1s. I thought I couldn’t afford to give everyone a +1, and then when I got RSVPs back I realized I was being stupid… went back and told everyone if they want to to bring a guest. Oops. 🙂
Post # 15
I would assume she’s just casually inviting the office. If I wanted to go to it, I still would, but if she’s just an aquaintance I probably wouldn’t.
Post # 16
This is exactly why I didn’t send STD to my coworkers. We were still figuring out the guest list and didn’t want to send Save-The-Date Cards to people that we weren’t 100% figured out what to do with (invite my whole team, what about other people in office, etc)
It definately sounds like the the bride’s coworkers are “b” list and to me, it doesn’t seem like she really cares if you come or not.
Like you said, not worth a 42 cent stamp? It leaves a bad feeling to me too.
If you like her and want to celebrate with her, then go. I would be interested to hear if she follows up with you or any other coworkers to see if they’re coming or not. Doesn’t she need a final headcount at some point?