(Closed) Should I even go to her wedding after this invitation debacle?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you go to this wedding?
    No : (24 votes)
    50 %
    Yes : (14 votes)
    29 %
    Depends on... : (10 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 4
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    No, it kinda sounds like they are planning a bbq or something… Like hey pick up an invite on your way out! If you want to go, then go but if you don’t feel like it don’t. Sounds a little odd to me.

    Post # 5
    46645 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would base my decision NOT on how I was invited, but on whether or not I wanted to attend her wedding.

    Clearly the girl is ettiquette challenged, but then again so are many brides, including some of us here on the bee. Brides are also consciously and actively ignoring the traditional rules of etiquette in order to force change and/or modernize the process.

    Post # 6
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It seems like an odd way to go about it, but I agree with pp about deciding whether to go or not based on if you wish to as opposed to the questionable invite etiquette.

    Post # 7
    10851 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Honestly, to me, it sounds a little like your office was B list. If you’re close with this girl, then go, you’ll have fun. If not, fine, but considering that you’re friends and have tried to help her with planning you may end up damaging your relationship a bit. It’s not the way I would choose to invite people to my wedding, but to each their own I guess.

    Post # 9
    518 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If you want to go, go. But I don’t think it’s worth buying a hotel room to attend this woman’s wedding, if you weren’t even worth the effort to send a real invitation.

    Post # 11
    1312 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    This sounds very strange. I would probably go if I were good friends with her, but I would still be confused by what the heck was going on!

    Post # 12
    10600 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It sounds a little odd, especially since she sent out Save-The-Date Cards.  It could be a B list, or she may have just ended up overwhelmed and got behind on her invitations.  You’re not obliged to go, so only go if you feel like it.

    Post # 13
    994 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    This is why I’m old-fashioned and I think etiquette is important. It’s not that anyone wants to stand above people with a ruler and make them follow THE RULES, it’s so you don’t alienate people and make your guests feel unwanted  or used (for a gift).

    So, no I wouldn’t go. She’s set the tone already — and that tone is “you aren’t important enough to me.”


    Post # 14
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    How many people are at your office? If there are a lot, it seems like a normal situation to me. But I also come from a circle of friends who have tons and tons of people go to their weddings… so some people get formal invites, some people get facebook invites, and some get verbal. Not the most amazing way to go about things, but necessary IMO.

    The only thing that would bother me is the invitation sent beforehand that said only to go to the 8pm reception. It seems to me she thought she would have too many people, then changed her mind when she had less RSVPs than planned for, so she added y’all to eat as well. It does suck, but honestly… I kind of did this with +1s. I thought I couldn’t afford to give everyone a +1, and then when I got RSVPs back I realized I was being stupid… went back and told everyone if they want to to bring a guest. Oops. 🙂

    Post # 15
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would assume she’s just casually inviting the office. If I wanted to go to it, I still would, but if she’s just an aquaintance I probably wouldn’t.

    Post # 16
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    This is exactly why I didn’t send STD to my coworkers. We were still figuring out the guest list and didn’t want to send Save-The-Date Cards to people that we weren’t 100% figured out what to do with (invite my whole team, what about other people in office, etc)

    It definately sounds like the the bride’s coworkers are “b” list and to me, it doesn’t seem like she really cares if you come or not.

    Like you said, not worth a 42 cent stamp? It leaves a bad feeling to me too.

    If you like her and want to celebrate with her, then go. I would be interested to hear if she follows up with you or any other coworkers to see if they’re coming or not. Doesn’t she need a final headcount at some point?

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