- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I can see this topic being taken the wrong way, as I would assume some people hold this close to their heart and could take it personally, but the point of this is not to offend anyone. I promise.
So, with that said, I’ve always wondered about these terms “Officially” and “Unofficially” engaged. It wasn’t until I came to the Bee that I heard these terms. I mean, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Perhaps it is because I look at what being engaged actually means, which is “having formally agreed to be married.” Formal, is by its very own definition, “officially recognized or sanctioned”. Therefore, to me, saying “officially” and “unofficially” engaged is like saying “We are officially officially getting married.” or “We are unofficially officially getting married.” That last one is what blows my mind. How can one unofficially officially have agreed to get married?
I’ve read a lot of threads and posts regarding the subject, and it appears that most people who are “unofficially” engaged are still planning a wedding, many have set a date, but they just don’t have a ring, been formally* proposed to, or haven’t announced their intent to wed. I mean, to me, planning a wedding together means that you’ve agreed to get married – and setting a date is pretty official. But, so many women don’t consider themselves engaged without the ring or formal proposal (*and again, falling back to the definition, a proposal is an offer of marriage). I’m pretty sure that once you’ve started planning a wedding together and have set a date, somewhere along the line the offer of marriage of put out there – but people don’t consider themselves engaged still! I mean, I can understand wanting the ring and a romantic/sweet/etc proposa (nothing wrong with that!)l, but I mean, isn’t the engagement what you really want? (To me, there is no reason why he can’t ask you again, just to make sure you haven’t changed your mind. :D) And I can understand why many women would want to wait until they have the ring and the proposal story to announce their intentions. Some people would jump to the conclusion that you weren’t serious, or wouldn’t actually consider you engaged, or just be snooty about it. There is no rule that you have to tell everyone the moment you’ve agreed to be wed.
But really, I think the question seems to be, do you consider yourself engaged? If yes, then be happy you’re engaged! You’re getting married! Plan your wedding and announce your intentions whenever you’re ready! If you don’t consider yourself engaged, why are you planning a wedding with someone whom you might or might not marry? That just doesn’t make sense to me. And if you know for certain, 100% that you will be marrying him and are planning your wedding together, then why don’t you consider yourself engaged? (I can understand how someone who knows they will marry someone, but are waiting until the right time to be engaged/start planning a wedding would not consider themselves engaged.)
Again, I am not trying to offend anyone. This is just something that does not make sense to me at all! I guess it’s my own version of how some people can’t understand why some people have a wedding once they are already married (this thread is not for that discussion, if you want to discuss it we can make a new thread!) I am also not saying that that you should or shouldn’t do this or that. I can’t understand how people don’t like french fries and ice cream it’s just soooooo good, but I don’t think everyone should eat it my way, just because I don’t get why people wouldn’t want to.
So do you think you can be “officially” or “unofficially” engaged or do you not really get these two “classifications” on being engaged and feel like these terms just reiterate or conflict the definition of being engaged. I think I understand what people mean to say when they use these phrases, it just doesn’t make sense to me to use them, as explained above.
(Again, this is not a personal attack, this is not meant to offend! I am sorry if I do, it was truly not my intent!)