(Closed) Officiant and gender

posted 9 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Am I discriminating against women acting as officiant?

    Yes

    No

    Traditions are in the past, this is year 2012

  • Post # 17
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    I feel the same way you do. I feel like most leaders in the church are men anyways, so I imagin a man as my officiant. However, it’s one of my least important wedding day peferences, so I really won’t mind either way.

    This is an important and personal time for you and your fiance. If you both feel passionatley about it, go for it. Not everybody’s going to agree with you guys – on everything all the time. Somebody will always have something to say in the face of your decisions.

    How many of you have a gender preference regarding your gyno? I know I do. Not that the other gender couldn’t do the job, maybe better. And I’ve had both genders. I just prefer one over the other. But make your decisions for you are your fiance based on what you both are comfortable with, you won’t be sorry.

    Post # 18
    Member
    11535 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    No. If it were, the many women who choose to go to a woman OB/GYN over a man, or the parents who prefer hiring an older, female  childcare provider would be guilty of discrimination.  It is a preference based on your comfort level, and there is nothing wrong with you having a preference.  If, however, you were a hiring manager in a business, and you refused to give equal considerating to applicants of both genders, you would be discriminating.

    Post # 19
    Member
    962 posts
    Busy bee

    If you wanted a female officiant would that mean you are discriminating against men?

    I don’t think so.  Just go with what feels right for you.

    Post # 20
    Member
    5008 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    View original reply
    @hiheel:  Actually, it would. It’s a personal choice, though.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I feel it is a little discriminatory but in the end, it is your wedding and your choice. I just feel like deciding on somebody’s skills based solely on their sex wrong.

    Post # 23
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think you should pick your officiant not by what gender they are but by who they are as a person. To specify that you would choose based off of gender is descrimination, just like if you were to say you would want a white officiant instead of a black one would be descrimination. Actually, I think that would cause an outright uproar, as it should. 

    Maybe I am just biased though. My best friends mom is a pastor (she is our officiant) and has been like another mother to me my entire life. I wouldnt have anyone else officiate in her place (but then, I am not just choosing her because she is a woman).

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    1847 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    OP, you asked and the Hive answered. It’s clear that most people don’t think you’re discriminating, so it’s nothing to get very upset about. However, I do have to say that if a company executive didn’t promote women or hire minorities because for centuries white men have been in those positions (and that just fits his vision better), we still call that discrimination. That being said, this is just a one-day job for 1 person, so you don’t have to beat yoursef up about it if it’s going to ruin your day. It’s your prerogative. You just asked the question, so that’s why I answered the way I did. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    5008 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I don’t think anyone’s saying you can’t have a male celebrsnt but that technically ruling people out baded on gender alone is discriminating.

    Post # 27
    Hostess
    7547 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    View original reply
    @SpecialSundae:  Agreed. It is discriminatory. What if you went to a doctor’s office and said “All doctors used to be male. Call me old-fashioned but I don’t want a female doctor.” 

    Post # 29
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    There is nothing wrong with sticking to tradition, and that in itself is not descrimination. If you want to bring up tradition and religion, though, I think you will be opening up a whole new can of worms because there are plently of old fashioned things in religion that just wouldn’t fly today. But the fact that you brought it up in the first place…if you want a male pastor then have a male pastor. Why should the gender matter though? I don’t believe you are prejudiced against all women, and think that calling you completely prejudiced in that regard would be irresponsible. However, I do think that by making a point of bringing up a specific gender and saying it is preferrable…well, you asked if you were being descriminatory. Choosing anything to be more preferrable based off of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. is in its own way descrimination. You are not choosing based off of the underyling merit of the person, you are choosing based on what they’ve got going on in their pants. 

    I get where you are coming from. I like tradition too. But I also think that choosing something based off of outward appearances is descriminatory. And you asked for everyones opinions. Agree to disagree I guess?

    Post # 30
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee

    Well, yes, not wanting a female officiant simply because she is female is discrimination. Doesn’t mean you hate women, doesn’t mean you’re mean, doesn’t even mean you shouldn’t go ahead and request a man if that will make you more comfortable at your wedding. But there’s no point pretending that it isn’t discrimination. And just because women have been discriminated against for centuries doesn’t mean it’s not discrimination when it happens today, seriously.

    Post # 31
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    View original reply
    @happyface:  You can have a male if that is what you want! But basing whether you are going to use somebody solely on their gender is wrong to me. Can you do that? Absolutely! I had only male officiants. I am not saying you HAVE to have a female. I just personally feel that chosing or not chosing somebody based entirely on their gender is discrimination and wrong. Also, keep in mind, you asked our opinion on whether we think it is right or wrong.

    The topic ‘Officiant and gender’ is closed to new replies.

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