(Closed) Officiant decided not to do it, I'm pretty offended…

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would take it with a grain of salt. I say that because it sounds like your uncle has some issues he needs to deal with. Honestly, it is probably goof this happened three months before your wedding instead of three weeks. This gives you time to find someone a little more reliable. But I understand why you’re upset. I just hope you understand that it is not you and your fiance that are the problem. So don’t blame yourself. This is supposed to be a happy time

Post # 4
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with this – @imanw:  BUT I also know that there are a lot of preachers that wont marry couples that are living together if they know about it.  Definitely not that uncommon.

Post # 5
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry that he hurt your feelings but as another christian woman, why are you offended? He has every right to say he doesn’t want to marry you and honestly if he is drinking again, why would you want him to marry you?

God does every thing for a reason and there could be a very good one for this. Try not to let it get to you. Even if he is using prayer as an excuse, it isn’t your job to judge him and assume the worst. For all you know he really did pray about it and God put it on his heart that he shouldn’t marry you two. Not because you’re not good enough but for some other unknown reason.

Try to stay positive and open to what God has planned.

Post # 6
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I get this. My pastor wouldn’t if we lived together either.  It really depends on the individual Pastor. Some see it as still living in sin regardless of sex.  Others may see it as an appearance of sin. Pastors don’t want to hurt their names.  My pastor is known for protecting himself in this regard and says he has to answer to God for his actions and he will do everything in this life that he believes will please God.    Please don’t think I’m being insensitive lol. I just witnessed a very similar happening at my church so I’m just giving a story so you know you’re not alone. Heck, my pastor won’t even marry a person unless they attend my church (really?!) and refused to marry Future Brother-In-Law because he is moving to a differnet church.  

Deep breaths. Maybe it’s for the better. 

Post # 7
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@kris325:  He sounds like he has his own issues so probably best to go with someone reliable anyway.

Yeah, hypocrisy is what I don’t like about lots of Christians. Not saying all, but a lot are like this. EVERYONE sins… that’s why Jesus died, no?

Just move on, be glad that he didn’t pull out right before the wedding.

Also, I don’t know how it works, but surely you don’t have to disclose your sex life to the next person you want to marry you? IMO it’s none of their business whether you live together or not… or if you’re boning or not. I’m not religious (obviously) but isn’t that between you and God? Just saying.

Post # 8
Member
4960 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He may be going through something else himself and just may feel overwhelmed. Even if he is judging you for your choices in life, he’s allowed to not do something he’s uncomfortable with. I would feel hurt, judged and offended too, regardless. The bright side is now you can have someone who is behind your union, ceremony and will perform it honestly and enthusiastically. 

Post # 9
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am sorry that you are going thru this. : (  I wouldn’t take it so personal though. Maybe he decided his walk with G*d is insufficient so he can’t perform in a professional capacity. Maybe he is just depressed and down on marriage. Maybe he think marriage should be reserved for those over 40. Maybe he plans to go to the beach that day. Maybe he thinks your Fiance is cheating on you with the dog. Honestly even if his reason is that you guys live together I wouldn’t worry about it. The Bible tells us not to judge so it is between him and the L*rd.

We each have to answer to G*d for ourselves. We don’t have to answer for anyone else. If everyone just worried about themselves and their own walk the world would be a much better place. I commend you both for your strength of character in abstaining. That is a hard thing to do.

Post # 10
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

It looks like if he had such a big problem with you living together, he would WANT to marry you, seeing as how that cures the whole living in sin thing and makes the relationship leigitmate from a religious standpoint. It’s not like your Fiance doesn’t want to make an “honest woman” out of you….

Post # 12
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m sorry this upset you…but I doubt that it’s even remotely about you.  I understand that he’s family, and he’s a religious sort, and it was a natural assumption that he would perform the ceremony,  but he probably just doesn’t want to do it.  Religious convictions aside. 

I don’t know if I can even explain this….but….I have written and performed several weddings for close friends in the past couple of years, and of course, I offered this service free and used my creative writing and acting skills to create a very special and unique experience for the couple and their loved ones….well, of course all of their friends, who were at the ceremony, well they want to know who I am, if I do weddings, can I do something like this for them,  how much..oh it was free?

You can see where this is going, right?  So, at some point, while your sitting at your desk on a Sunday night trying to find just the right thing to write about a couple you only know as a friend of a friend, and next week you have to sacrifice a whole Friday night for the rehersal and then do the ceremony on Saturday…well, it can wear a person down, and then you just long to be invited as a guest.

I’m not certain that’s what’s going on here, but it’s a possibility that he’s just burnt out on the whole performing weddings thing.

I hope you feel better!

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