(Closed) Officiant is bringing his wife to our ceremony?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t find it odd at all.  

Post # 3
Member
535 posts
Busy bee

At a big wedding, there would be nothing odd about this. But at a small wedding… it does seem a little awkward. Can you discuss this with the JoP directly? Surely he would understand given the tiny size of the wedding…

Post # 4
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe she is there to help out with random stuff if needed. I don’t think she’ll cause a commotion or be in the pictures or anything. I would be more annoyed if the officiant brought his wife, and then you had to pay for her meal or something.

Generally speaking, unless the spouse has a specific role, I do find it a little odd when the spouse tags along during business situations (i. e. not a hybrid social/business situation). 

Post # 5
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

I think you’ll have to gently tell him that there will only be 6 or 7 guests there, and out of respect to the dozens of guests who you were unable to invite, and would want to be there, the wife will not be able to attend.  

Post # 6
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

She is probably used to being in odd scenarios at weddings.  I doubt she’ll be in the way.  Discuss with your priest that maybe she will be more comfortable in the guest room so that she can relax while he’s working.  Warn the photographer the guests who should be in the photos, in case she wanders in.  I’m sure she’ll find it odd to be on some random people’s photos anyway.  

Post # 8
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Maybe so he always has someone to sign as witness? Could that be why she’s there – as a back-up? 

I never brought along my spouse when I have officiated. It never occurred to me to do that.

Post # 10
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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June15Bride:  I would seat her in the dining room or kitchen with a cup of tea.

Post # 11
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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June15Bride:  I know some Bees are saying it’s not weird, so maybe it’s a regional thing or something because I think it is extremely bizarre. She just comes and sits? And came to the meeting and just sat? Huh?

I don’t feel this is any different than if a photographer or caterer was like “oh my significant other is coming too” – unless they are part of the professional team and helping with the job in some way, it’s super weird to me. 

Post # 12
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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June15Bride:  My friends officiant brought her husband along. But they did actually know him somewhat. He didn’t actually attend the wedding… It was outside and we saw him taking pictures of the ceremony from a great distance in the trees lol it wasn’t weird that he was there, but the whole hiding amongst the bushes taking pictures was strange! 

Im sure your officiant wouldn’t be put off if you asked. Maybe she helps him out? I know our Officiants were a duo, and sometimes would accompany each other to weddings if they werent both booked. They both attended our rehearsal and helped with set up and placing everyone and run through. 

Post # 13
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

Just for the record, i think its weird and I don’t think it would be uncomfortable for you to bring it up now. Just say, “Ive had time to think since our last meeting about your wife coming as well. We are private people which is why we have chosen to have a very small intimate ceremony and are not comfortable with another person in attendance.” you could email him if that works better for you. You could even inquire at this point why she comes as well. They should be upfront about that when you first contacted him, in my opinion. He might have a valid personal reason to bring her like a health issue but you will never know unless you ask. 

We had a very intimate ceremony as well, and our officiant is a friend of ours and his husband was invited too. If we had hired someone, we would not have been comfortable at all with it. 

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

This, to me, is very odd. I am Australian, so perhaps it is an Aerican thing, but it is inappropriate to ‘dictate’ such a thing to the clients (you and groom). If my wedding was that mall and so intimate, there would be no way the wife would be there. I would email him and say “I am sorry but, as we are having such a small and intimate ceremony, and out of respect to the many individuals whom did not receive an invite, your Wife will not be able to attend.” Or something. This is so weird to me.

Post # 15
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

It could be a geographical thing because that to me is incredibly…well…weird. What does she do? Just stand there and smile? I can’t understand any purpose for her to be there for a semi-quick, intimate 10 minute ceremony. Especially considering he knows all of the details and that you have your witnesses already.

Maybe she’s learning to be a JoP herself or she’s just got him on a really tight leash and is controlling…it’s just strange.

For the PPs saying they find it normal, can one of you please explain why? Maybe there’s something obvious I’m missing. 

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