Post # 1
Our close friend recently became an officiant so he could marry another close couple of ours. During there wedding he was EXTREMELY nervous and it felt like he had missed parts of his prepared speech due to nerves. Me and my fiance had not officially asked him to officiate OUR wedding because we wanted to see how our friends went first but I accidentally mentioned something to him which implied I wanted him to do ours as well. Long story short, he ended up going up to my fiance and saying that I had asked him to do our wedding so of course my fiance officially asked him. I want to know if it is rude to prepare his speech for him myself to make sure the important things are said. My parents are shelling out a huge chunk for a wedding and my Mom really wants to make sure the ceremony goes smoothly. I feel like I could always pull the “my parents are paying for it and want someone else to officate card” but he is such a close friend I’d definitely prefer him to do it… but just want to make sure it runs smoothly. Any advice, comments would help!
Post # 3
Eh….I don’t know…..
Even if you do write out his speech for him do you think his nerves will get the better of him and he’ll still miss chunks? He has one of the most important jobs as the officiant, you need to know if he can be confident, project his voice, be calm, cool and collected and really engage his audience. Will it sound like he is just reading off a piece of paper?
If you do decide you really want him as an officiant I would write out his speech and make him practice it in front of us (the couple), our parents and a few other people just so he can get used to it. The last thing you’ll want is his speech to be fast, quivering voice, quite and having it sound like he is nervous no one wants to sit through that it will make your guests feel uncomfortable.
Maybe you could have him give a heart felt speech to say at the reception or something but honestly I would go with a pro. I say pull out the “my parents are paying for it and want someone else to officate card.”
My Fiance and I are having his best friend (since childhood) officiant our wedding because we know he is professional and will engage our guests and make our ceremony memorable….in a good way. You gotta ask yourself the tough questions and see if you two can live with that forever.
Post # 4
You could always say that you want him there as a guests so he can see you get married and enjoy himself rather than working.
Post # 5
That’s an awkward situation. But no one is holding a gun up to your head to make you use him to officate your wedding. So don’t feel obligated to follow through with this just because you slipped up. Weddings are stressful enough for brides. The last thing you should have to worry about is how well your officiant is going to do when you know you could have hired someone who would have gotten the job done the way you wanted.
I like j_jaye’s suggestion in telling him you’d like him at your wedding as a guest.
Post # 6
@shaunamarslan: As an Officiant with many weddings under my belt. I remember the early days and the nervous tension I used to feel. That being said, I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to prepare the ceremony wording or speech. It comes down to the fact that it is your wedding and he is a vendor at your wedding. Treat it as a business agreement with contract stipulating he will be using your wording/speech and he should sign it and honor it. If he gets upset just say that you want to treat him like all the other vendors so you do not ruffle other vendor’s feathers.
It is a touchy subject but if you really do not want him to do the ceremony then be honest with him. He deserves it and you can feel less nervous having a seasoned professional officiate your ceremony.