Post # 1
I’m very surprised to the response I got by email today by the Rev who was suppose to be my officiant. We met once for a pre-marital counseling session, and I didn’t really like him but I decided to still go with him. So it came to mind I should get a contract, because all the money I’ve spent on this wedding, what if he doesn’t show up. Anyway, I emailed him asking a contract and he was very upset, am I in the wrong for asking a contract? I’m losthere. Here is the email from him below:
I am trying very hard to be patient with you, I want you to know that your asking me to sign a contract is the ultimate insult. I am not just an officiant, I am an ordained minister of the Gospel, an ambassador for Christ. I pastor a church of believers and I have performed more weddings this year alone than you have attended in your lifetime,.
Ministry is something that I do everyday with passion and dedication. I don’t do it for the money, as you may have seen when shopping for and officiant. I have invited you and Chris into my home just to help you with your incompatibly issues. Now you are asking me to sign a contract in case I don’t show up? This is a real slap in the face. As much as I would like to help you and Chris, I have no intention of signing a contract.
I have gone over the ceremony with you via the internet and phone numerous times, now you are suggesting that I have the vows written out on paper. While you have the right to get exactly what you want, when are you going to rely on ME the EXPERT. If you would like to look for another Officiant, you are free to do so. If not, I need for you to have more confident in the minister that you picked to help you and Chris with your wedding.
Please let me know if you and Chris plan on meeting me tomorrow.
Post # 2
If you don’t like him, why are you having him officiate the wedding? With this exchange about the contract, it doesn’t seem like you mesh well. I’d find another officiant.
FWIW, we didn’t have a contract with our pastor officiant, but I don’t think it’s necessarily offensive to get things in writing.
Post # 3
While I think that his response is over the top, it is obvious that he was highly offended by your lack of faith in him.
No, we did not have a contract with the minister.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
We didn’t have a contract with the minister – picked the church and booked our date and that was it. However we liked him immediately, and felt welcomed from the start.
Post # 6
Get another officiant! But no, we didn’t have a contract.
Post # 7
You’re not happy with him, he is insulted. Time to find someone else.
Yes, ours gave us a contract to sign
Post # 8
We had a contract with our officiant, who is technically a non-denominational reverend. We were actually convinced we were going to go with someone else who was great but then we met him and decided he was ever so slightly a better vibe for us.
Please find a new officiant who you actually like!
Post # 9
Well you didnt like him to begin with, and it looks like things might just have gone from bad to worse. I would get a new officiant.
FWIW I do not think that you are out of line to ask for a contract. Its a huge day for you and some peace of mind is nice to have. One would think this would work equally for him, but clearly he does not see it that way. You need someone on your level.
Post # 10
Oh dear, that’s not a very good email at all. There’s clearly a lot more background to this story, but exactly what that is seems sort of irrelevant. Given the nature of your relationship (and this exchange) do you still want to be married by this person? I would hate the thought of having an off vibe potentially impact what is the most important and memorable part of your wedding.
I don’t have any experience with church weddings and contracts so am no help there, sorry, but if it is at all possible to change your arrangements to work with someone else then I think it would be wise in this situation. Good luck!
Post # 11
Yikes. Without knowing the background, I’d send an email apologizing for hurting his feelings. I’d clarify that it wasn’t my intention, and apologize for the result. I’d also agree that looking for another officiant is the way to go.
I would not want to be married by someone who said “I am trying very hard to be patient with you,” “I have performed more weddings this year alone than you have attended in your lifetime,” and “I have invited you and Chris into my home just to help you with your incompatibly issues.” Again, I don’t know the whole story, so I can understand being offended – but I think he should have handled the response with more compassion and grace. He could have explained that he understands that contracts are a part of wedding planning, but that this part is on the spiritual and not the logistical level. He should have assured you that he would fulfil his commitment, and told you how he’d handle an emergency (perhaps he would recommend someone to ‘cover’ for him).
In any case, this is not the dynamic I would want during my wedding ceremony.
Post # 12
Did he really email back that he is trying hard to be patient with you????? I can’t!!! He obviously feels he is doing you a favor and unless he is Jesus it isn’t possible. Your ceremony may be rough/awkward with this guy. I say cut him loose now and find someone else.
Post # 13
yikes!!! I’d get a new officiant. I wouldn’t want this guy marrying me if I were you. He may be a minister but he sounds like a jerk!!
Post # 14
We are not getting married in a church, so we will have a contract with our officiant who is acting as an independent vendor. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting your expectations in writing any time money is exchanged. Now, if he is counted almost as a line item included with your church ceremony, then I can see how he might be surprised, but his reaction is rude. And I would not want to work with anyone who is going to rant at me like that. No, I don’t trust him or want to rely on him if he’s going to throw a tantrum like that. If you already paid a deposit to him, you may be out the money there, but I would walk away. He is incredibly rude. He is clearly taking it very personally, which is silly, but even so, as a professional, his email is entirely out of line.
Post # 15
We had a contract, but we are not getting married in a church and our officiant is nondenominational.
I wouldn’t want this guy to marry me based on his tone, and you even said you didn’t like him, so why settle? There are plenty of people out there who can marry you.
I agree with others that it does sound like there is more to the story…