(Closed) Officiant upset about contract, did you get a contract?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

If you don’t like him, why are you having him officiate the wedding? With this exchange about the contract, it doesn’t seem like you mesh well. I’d find another officiant. 

FWIW, we didn’t have a contract with our pastor officiant, but I don’t think it’s necessarily offensive to get things in writing. 

Post # 3
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
candg4ever:  While I think that his response is over the top, it is obvious that he was highly offended by your lack of faith in him.

No, we did not have a contract with the minister.

Post # 4
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Giant prick. Run.

Post # 5
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

We didn’t have a contract with the minister – picked the church and booked our date and that was it. However we liked him immediately, and felt welcomed from the start.

Post # 6
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Get another officiant! But no, we didn’t have a contract. 

Post # 7
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You’re not happy with him, he is insulted. Time to find someone else.

Yes, ours gave us a contract to sign

Post # 8
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We had a contract with our officiant, who is technically a non-denominational reverend. We were actually convinced we were going to go with someone else who was great but then we met him and decided he was ever so slightly a better vibe for us.

Please find a new officiant who you actually like!

Post # 9
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Well you didnt like him to begin with, and it looks like things might just have gone from bad to worse. I would get a new officiant. 

FWIW I do not think that you are out of line to ask for a contract. Its a huge day for you and some peace of mind is nice to have. One would think this would work equally for him, but clearly he does not see it that way. You need someone on your level.

Post # 10
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
candg4ever:  Oh dear, that’s not a very good email at all. There’s clearly a lot more background to this story, but exactly what that is seems sort of irrelevant. Given the nature of your relationship (and this exchange) do you still want to be married by this person? I would hate the thought of having an off vibe potentially impact what is the most important and memorable part of your wedding.

I don’t have any experience with church weddings and contracts so am no help there, sorry, but if it is at all possible to change your arrangements to work with someone else then I think it would be wise in this situation. Good luck!

Post # 11
1189 posts
Bumble bee

Yikes. Without knowing the background, I’d send an email apologizing for hurting his feelings. I’d clarify that it wasn’t my intention, and apologize for the result. I’d also agree that looking for another officiant is the way to go.

I would not want to be married by someone who said “I am trying very hard to be patient with you,” “I have performed more weddings this year alone than you have attended in your lifetime,” and “I have invited you and Chris into my home just to help you with your incompatibly issues.” Again, I don’t know the whole story, so I can understand being offended – but I think he should have handled the response with more compassion and grace. He could have explained that he understands that contracts are a part of wedding planning, but that this part is on the spiritual and not the logistical level. He should have assured you that he would fulfil his commitment, and told you how he’d handle an emergency (perhaps he would recommend someone to ‘cover’ for him).

In any case, this is not the dynamic I would want during my wedding ceremony.

Post # 12
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Did he really email back that he is trying hard to be patient with you?????  I can’t!!!  He obviously feels he is doing you a favor and unless he is Jesus it isn’t possible. Your ceremony may be rough/awkward with this guy. I say cut him loose now and find someone else. 

Post # 13
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
candg4ever:  yikes!!! I’d get a new officiant. I wouldn’t want this guy marrying me if I were you. He may be a minister but he sounds like a jerk!!

Post # 14
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
candg4ever:  We are not getting married in a church, so we will have a contract with our officiant who is acting as an independent vendor. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting your expectations in writing any time money is exchanged. Now, if he is counted almost as a line item included with your church ceremony, then I can see how he might be surprised, but his reaction is rude. And I would not want to work with anyone who is going to rant at me like that. No, I don’t trust him or want to rely on him if he’s going to throw a tantrum like that. If you already paid a deposit to him, you may be out the money there, but I would walk away. He is incredibly rude. He is clearly taking it very personally, which is silly, but even so, as a professional, his email is entirely out of line.

Post # 15
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We had a contract, but we are not getting married in a church and our officiant is nondenominational. 

I wouldn’t want this guy to marry me based on his tone, and you even said you didn’t like him, so why settle? There are plenty of people out there who can marry you.

I agree with others that it does sound like there is more to the story…

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