(Closed) Officiant upset about contract, did you get a contract?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 18
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t know how to explain it, but the church is definitely a different vibe than all your other vendors. You’re not paying them to provide a service that they then make a profit from – your minister is administering a sacrament that all members if the church should be able to ask for, and is doing it as an instrument of God. And being an instrument of God is really the whole purpose of a Reverend. (At least in my denomination, I’m sorry if that is not the same for you.)

So, I get where he is coming from being put off by being asked to sign a contract, because he is not just some other vendor providing an “extra” for your wedding. Especially if you and he have had issues before. I would personally never dream of asking my officiant for a contract, because he is aan of God. This is just what he is expected to do.

Having said that, it sounds like you really don’t get along with this guy. While I understand where he is coming from with his letter, I also think you deserve to be fully comfortable with whoever actually performs your ceremony, which clearly isn’t him. If I were you, I would take some time to find a new officiant, apologize to your Reverend, thank him for all that he has done thus far, and just let him know that you found someone whose personality meshs a bit better with yours. Part ways gracefully.

**Afterthought: Unless you’re hiring him independently outside if the church, and are paying him directly (as opposed to a donation to the church). Then I would think it’s odd that he hasn’t given you a contract,and his response is definitely a little over the top. In either case you should probably be looking for a new officiant though. 🙂

Post # 20
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Church wedding we did not have a contract, but we are also regular members of the church so we knew him before we went to be married

Post # 21
Member
47 posts
Newbee

View original reply
amandajane4949:  OMG im dyin laughing.

 

I really cant get over this ministers attitude, what the heck is his prob.   

Hes trying hard to be patient?   correct me if Im wrong, but arent they supposed to have the patience of a saint? LOL .   Id say Bye bye felicia to this guy.

Post # 22
Member
3655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Wow. I’d just email him back thanking him for what he’s done and saying you understand his position on the issue, but will be going with someone else who lines up better with what you’re looking for. I wouldn’t want that kind of hostile energy hanging around on my wedding day.

Post # 23
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
candg4ever:  we had a contract but we also found our officiant through a service that connects officiants and couples.  He was amazing.  Our guests have told us many times how great he was. 

You should connect with your officiant.  If you don’t like him he’s not the right person.

Post # 24
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
candg4ever:  I guess I sort of get why he’s offended – mainly because if I had been working with someone for awhile and suddenly they wanted a contract, I’d feel like I had done something to make them not trust me… as opposed to if they had asked for a contract from the beginning, which would be completely normal.

That being said, we had a contract with our officiant. I wouldn’t have gotten one who got so openly offended at the prospect of having one, either. Just with your next one, if you want the security of a contract, bring it up when you begin working with them, not halfway through.

Post # 26
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
candg4ever:  He is way overreacting AND he’s a big jerk. I didn’t have a contract when I got married in the church. Not a very nice response coming from a peron who should be spreading peace and love and all that stuff. Why couldn’t he have just said, “I understand your concern, but we don’t do contracts in churches.” I had a contract when I hired a non religious offiant to show up for my new marriage.

Post # 29
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
candg4ever:  Definitely some problematic tone in that email. Contracts aren’t common for officiants, but if it’s not a pastor of a church you regularly attend, it makes sense to have one to benefit you and your officiant. However, he made a comment about “in case he doesn’t show up,” which suggests either your correspondance or the contract used that language. While that may be your biggest concern, that language is not what you write into a contract. None of your vendors are asked to sign for that reason. I’d be offended too if I was hired to do a job and told that the contract was in case I didn’t show up. For your next (and hopefully less hostile) officiant, try finding a contract online that you can adapt.

Post # 30
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee

Wow he sounds like a complete jerk and like he’s trying to insult your relationship on top of everything. I DID have a contract with our officiant, who I got through an officiant service that matches you up with someone. The service also set the pricing scale and did the contracts, so it was just like any other vendor. Run like the wind girl, you don’t want to remember that guy as being the one who married you!!

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