(Closed) Officiant upset about contract, did you get a contract?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 31
496 posts
Helper bee

If you’re getting married in a church, and paying a fee towards that church, it is not typical to have a contract.

But it looks like he is working independently from a church, in which case, a contract would not be amiss. 

However, why have someone you don’t really like perform arguably the most important function of your entire wedding?! Regardless of his response, I’d get a new officiant, one that you like.

Post # 32
306 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
candg4ever:  wow! his whole response is completely an overreaction (what an ego!!) but the part that really bugs me is the “I have invited you and Chris into my home just to help you with your incompatibly issues” line! it’s like he’s throwing your “issues” in your face when you trusted him to be a non-judgemental source of counsel. not cool

this guy does not come across as “preist-ly” at all and could def have the potential to put a damper on your wedding.  good call looking for a new officiant!

Post # 33
925 posts
Busy bee

wow. We have a contract with our officant, but he is not a Rev, he is a Professor Emeritus.

The fact that his first line is- i’m trying to be patient and then brings up you anf FIs ” incompatibly issues”- I say do yourself a favor and find a new officiant. 

Also it will knock him down a few pegs, and it sounds like he needs that, 

Post # 34
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

As other PPs have said… get a new officiant!

We didn’t get married in a church, so we had a contract with our Officiant, and met with her a couple times before signing the contract.

Post # 35
921 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
candg4ever:  he sounds like a patronising twerp who is trying to use his ‘hurt feelings’ to make you feel guilty fot making se fairly reasonable requests. Find someone else

Post # 37
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
candg4ever:  it was local to SW Ontario I think…I’m pretty sure it was called Kettle Creek Weddings – we got a referral through our venue.

Post # 38
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
candg4ever:  OMG what a complete asshole. I’d send an email back telling him his services are no longer needed. 


Post # 39
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Southern Plantation House

We did not have a contract with our pastor. He has been a family friend for many, many years and both DH and I have a personal relationship with him. We did not feel like a contract was necessary.

I do understand why this officiant may have been offended at the contract request, after working with you (it sounds like numerous occasions) already. In retrospect, the idea of a contract should be ideally brought up on the first meeting. Even if you are unsure about going with a vendor’s services, you can word it as, “Should we choose to do business with you, do you have a contract we could look over? If you don’t have one, would you mind if we wrote and signed one to protect both parties?” 

However, his email is clearly over the top and in the wrong. I wouldn’t blame you for having weird feelings about working with him after that! Find a new officiant that you like and take this as a lessoned learned. Sorry you had to go through this OP! What a weird experience. 

Post # 40
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
candg4ever:  this amabassador of Christ isn’t acting Christlike at the moment. 

He is full of pride and thinks too much of himself. I would go with someone you get along with and is more relaxed about things. Your wedding ceremony is personal and this dude will just go through it in the most unpersonal manner….he even insulted your relationship….drop him. 

Post # 41
6296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
candg4ever:  I think the delivery and ton of his email is beyond unprofessional, and uncalled for. I don’t feel he’s acting very Christ-like himself, and that along with the fact you didn’t like him to begin with would make me not use him for the wedding.

That being said, I can see why he is upset (albeit with very poor delivery). As a wedding vendor myself, there are two types of officiants in the wedding industry….those who are affiliated with a church, and those are are simply “wedding officiates” that run a business like every other vendor. I live/work in a huge destination wedding area with a lot of vendors. Almost all of our officiants are just that, wedding officiants, not miniters of a church. Every single one of them has a contract, fee, and takes a retainer. That is very very different from a church minister – who generally only requires a donation to the church. By working with him this long, and then asking for a contract (which I’m sure is something he’s probably never been asked before) he feels incredibly insulted, like you’re questioning his whole being (because let’s face it, being a minister is about being faithful, trustworthy, etc).

I think you might be better suited by someone running an acutal wedding business, rather than finding someone from within a church.

Post # 42
444 posts
Helper bee

I have a contract with our vicar, its just ridiculous not to. We are paying a hefty fee to get married in church ($1500/£900) and its a service/vendor like everything else. 

I would be offended if I wasn’t offered a contract to begin with, which is what happened with us, I have never heard of having to email a contract, he should have offered one as it protects him just as much as you.

I would reply back just saying ‘obviously due to your tone we are not compatiable, we will be looking for another officiant’


Post # 43
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
candg4ever:  No contract, we got married by the head pastor at my parents’ church. I can understand why he’s offended but his response to you was incredibly rude and unnecessary. He could have said the same thing in a totally different way. Good luck with finding a new officiant!

Post # 44
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I feel like some people aren’t reading the updates. OP found this guy on thumbtack! And she has only had one session wth him. I would NEVER hire someone off thumbtack without a contract, “man of God” or not. 

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