Post # 1
My Darling Husband and I have felt since BEFORE we got married that we were in a place where we were ‘ready’ to have children. However, a few things are working against us – I’m about to go back to school to start a new career (currently unemployed), my husband is trying to find a new job (which may pay less money), and we are in credit card debt. I am 30 (as of this week) and he is 31.
The AGE part of me and the DESIRE part of me want to have a baby – but the financial part and the school/new career part of me don’t. If everything stayed the same / on track, I would graduate and begin my new job June 2012 and we could be out of CC debt by August 2012 – which would make me 31 and him 32/33 when we started trying (although I suppose we could TTC before that date?)
I feel like the timing is the only part of the decision I’m scared of – and while no, there is never a ‘right’ time, I feel pretty strongly about getting out of debt (or darn close) by the time we actually have a child. I’m also pretty scared about my age and ability to have kids – but I also can’t help but wonder if by now, that is sort of a moot point (is another 1-2 years going to make a HUGE difference in my fertility?)
Post # 3
I don’ think there is ever a perfect/ right time to have a child. No matter when it happens your whole world will change. As far as age goes, they don’t consider you high risk until 35 years. After 35 you get more ultra sounds and genetic tests.
Post # 4
Just to respond to your worries about your and your husbands age: I am currently pregnant with my first child(ren – it’s twins.) I’m 34, my husband is 42 and we conceived on our 3rd cycle of trying. My mom had (healthy) children in her 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s!
So unless you already have medical problems that might affect TTC, try not to worry about the age part of it. I know it’s hard – I worried ALL THE TIME that I would have trouble conceiving because I was so “old” in fertility years.
Waiting a year or two shouldn’t make much of a difference. Hang in there!
Post # 5
If you’re only having to wait about a year to achieve all those things, I would definitely just wait. I was expecting you to say that you wouldn’t be out of school for 4 years or something – 1 year is not a big deal, fertility-wise. Wait until things have stabilized, then start trying.
Post # 6
@christalynn11: 1-2 years wait will almost certainly not make a huge impact. 3-4 years could, but still not likely. It all depends. Between 30-35 your eggs decrease in quality and number and other risks can go up. But it is a pretty small percentage that are affected. After 35 you are looking at much higher risks and difficulties as your age increases. Don’t be scared about your age, though. 30 is young. I’m 33 and just now trying to have a baby. I have all sorts of issues, but none are necessarily age-based. Women in their 20’s can have problems and many women in their 30’s have NO problem getting pregnant. I would talk to your doctor about it. Of course, this is your decision but if I were you I would wait a few years. I wouldn’t want to have a baby without being financially ready. Yes, people say there is “no perfect time” to have a baby. Well, I’d rather be debt free and have savings and feel financially ready beforehand. That’s just my two cents. I know what it feels like to want a baby, though!! What does your husband think about waiting or trying now?
Post # 7
I’m in a similar place (also 30, also seeing a more financially good life in 1-2 years which is when I expect to get a full time permanent teaching job after ‘waiting’ for 5 years now…. also wanting to TTC now anyways). I was all ready to start, and then I saw Suzy Orman on Oprah telling that single chick who had the 13 kids or whatever that she has been financially irresponsible in her decision to have these kids. I did a 180 and decided to wait. (But I am honestly still justify this to myself and could change my mind before then!)
Post # 8
@Jenn23: This was really a great post – thank you! My husband is not the planner out of the two of us, most of the time he defers to my opinion or recommendation on things. Our debt paydown was a result of my planning and budget ideas; once I showed him where we could be, he was totally on board. Both of us feel very strongly that the number one BIGGEST stressor in our lives is debt/money issues, so solving that as a way of strengthening our marriage is our priority.
School is only a year because I would be going to cosmetology school and becoming a hairdresser! I also have a college degree already but have been laid off twice since 2008 (which began RIGHT after we bought our home, sigh) and can’t seem to find steady work. We were a typically, two household professional income couple prior to now and made a LOT more money than I will doing hair. Going back to school is terrifying me; its so different from the corporate world life we used to have. I have to try hard to remind myself that 1) it wasn’t stable during the recession and 2) I wasn’t happy doing that no matter how much it paid. DH is working on switching jobs for the same reason, so there are a lot of changes going on right now so we can both get to a better place.
Aside from that, we are both pretty baby crazy though – whenever he sees a pregnant woman he points her out and says cute things about women being so pretty with their “little bump” – a new thing he started about 8 months ago 🙂
Post # 9
@cvbee: HA! We are following some Dave Ramsey advice over here. I read a bunch of information on his methods and while we are not following them exclusively, I am using the debt snowball method to paying off our debt. This is absolutely where my concern about having a baby while still in debt comes from. I grew up poor due to the bad decisions my parents made with money – not because they had poverty level incomes. Prior to getting together 5 years ago (and let’s face it, since then too) my Darling Husband and I have made some poor financial choices which lead us to where we are now. In the last 6 months things got really tight and we suddenly found ourselves wanting out of debt in a way we never really considered before. I do a lot of couponing, bargain shopping, meal planning, etc to make the budget work out a little easier.
I also don’t want to add in the stress of being parents to a marriage that would potentially be strained by financial problems.
Post # 10
@Jenn23, you helped me too.
I’m wondering with this ‘age’ thing, if the ‘true age’ (if you watch Dr. Oz) is the age we should be looking at. He talks about how even though you can have the chronological age of x, your lifestyle can make your body ‘older’ or ‘younger’ than that.
Post # 11
I think your plan is smart, getting out of CC debt before you have a baby- especially since you are still pretty young. If you are concerned you could always talk to your OB to see if there is any reason you might want to start sooner. You could also start charting and learning your body in the meantime so when you are ready your chances of getting pregnant sooner will go up!
Post # 12
@christalynn11: That sounds like a great plan to pay down the debt and reduce the money stressors! 🙂
@cvbee: I never saw the Dr. Oz true age thing. I’ll have to check it out. Sounds interesting!