- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
Oh my Bees, I need some help with my DH. I think he’s suffering from some sort of paternal postnatal depression. Our DS is 3 months old now. I suffered from postpartum depression shortly after he was born. I went to the doctor and got on medication. I’m feeling much better.
DH, however, has become increasingly withdrawn. He makes comments that he’s not needed or wanted. He frequently says, “It doesn’t matter” when I ask him what he thinks/feels about certain things. He says that everything turns into an argument. I honestly do not feel like this. What I see as discussions, he sees as arguments. He says that our son “doesn’t love” him and is not bonded with him. I remind him that he took care of DS for his first two weeks due to my difficult recovery from a C-section. Of course DS is bonded with him! I also remind him that I’m his mom. Most babies are more bonded with their mothers in the early stages of development.
When I ask him what I can do to make him feel wanted/needed, he can’t give me examples. I told him that I think he’s depressed. He says he isn’t. I told him that he’s going through an identity crisis because he’s not #1 anymore. He was my everything before we had our son. He still is but in a different capacity now. I’m not as maternal/caring for him as I was before DS. I need him now more than ever. I feel like I can’t talk to him about my struggles because of what he’s going through. I’m the first-time mother of a newborn. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all that comes with that. I just went back to work and my husband is falling apart. I really feel like we’re sinking. I hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but I just can’t deal with him like this. I was in an abusive relationship with a man with mental issues who refused to get help. This is feeling very familiar, and not in a good way…minus the abusive part.
I’m struggling big time with trying to reach out to him. I know it isn’t fair of me, but I just want to ignore all of this half the time and bang my head against a wall the other half. I don’t always have time to check in with him about his feelings anymore. If he’s feeling a certain way, I need him to tell me.
A little bit of more info, which I think has something to do with this, DH dislocated his knee when DS was a month old. So, I had to start doing EVERYTHING with not much help…taking out the trash, all laundry, all baby stuff, and all cleaning/cooking/grocery shopping while I was still recovering from my C-section. So, I’m just used to doing stuff on my own now. I plan on having a discussion with him soon about it. I’m scared to though because I’m feeling so emotional and I hate crying…ugh. I’m hoping we can hash it out and get to a better understanding of each other.
Sorry if this is long and I’m sure it sounds more like rambling than anything. I just needed to vent/ask if anyone else has gone through this. Thanks for listening gals.