Post # 1
Member
9 posts
Newbee
I posted on here a while back after I proposed to my partner. As background I proposed full of happiness and hope, he wasn’t as on board as I thought he was, we had a lot of talks and he said, finally, that he wanted to marry me. For the next 9ish months though……nothing. No talking, no sharing, nothing.
The year after my proposal has been the most miserable of our time together:( I’ve lost all confidence in myself , I don’t trust him properly anymore, and my faith in us as a couple and our future has been shaken.
A month ago he took me to a jewellers to see what metals I liked. I should be excited, since he has apparently ordered the ring but I am just…..not. I almost hate him for how bad this year has been for me, and for how little he’s noticed. We always talked about everything before this and now I feel like I can’t go to him as I used to.
The way I feel right now I want to say no:(
How can I get my faith in him back? Someone here will have been through this, i am sure of it.
Post # 3
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
It sounds like his rejection of your proposal hit you hard and that is completely understandable. A year of that strife has to be hard for anyone to handle. It’s great that he’s finally on the same page though. Does he know how his rejection hurt you? I mean… have you let him know what this past year has been like for you?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice on how to get the magic back
Post # 4
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
Blarrrgghhh ~ toxic situation! That is a huge bummer and I can only imagine how you feel.
My best suggestion is that you guys should get some counselling. It might help (a lot) to talk about how you’re feeling out loud, in front of a third party.
Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
@Saeranne: Try thinking of it as a rejection of your methods and not of you. If he wants to marry you now and you still want to marry him just use this as a story to tell your kids. Keep the goal of being with him in mind and use the path to strengthen you not tear you apart.
Post # 6
Member
9 posts
Newbee
It is strange how things work out – when he came home the day I posted that message, he told me he had been to buy the ring that night but the jeweller told him it wasn’t available in the metal we chose?..that they had given him a quote for! They then tried to undermine his choice when he told them it was for an engagement, saying the ring isn’t sturdy enough, you won’t be able to get a wedding band to match the shape, and so on.
So he didn’t get it, and came home to ask me what I thought. So I said that I didn’t think much of the jeweller if they were going to try upselling like that, and reassured him that to me the important thing about the ring was that HE chose it, not what someone else thought he should get based on tradition. I said if he no longer felt comfortable buying from there to either get the same ring somewhere else if it wasn’t unique to wherever he went, or get it made exactly as he wantedit, but most importantly to have faith in his choice. Thanks to this site I was even able to show that you can indeed get wedding rings in any shape!
We even had our first christmas card arrive tonight addressed to Mr and Mrs! Ok it was because the sender forgot my name, but he was all smiley about it. AND he referred to my mother as his future mother in law!
I feel better about everything just seeing that little bit of evidence that he is thinking about things, and that he does want to be married to me…so I am cautiously happy!
Post # 7
Member
39 posts
Newbee
@Saeranne That’s great news! I’m hoping to get some small hints like that from my Boyfriend or Best Friend soon. It seems the hardest when in the past they have talked about wanting to marry you and knowing you are the right person for them but then they still don’t propose. I wish you all the best!
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