Oh dear..I've upset the priest who was supposed to marry us!

posted 2 months ago in Christian
  • poll: Do i have a right to be upset at the Pastor too?
    Yes : (28 votes)
    67 %
    No : (9 votes)
    21 %
    Unsure : (5 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 2
    18 posts

    If you want a celebrant, get a celebrant. If you want Pastor X to marry you because YOU want him to marry you then keep trying to work with him. But if you’re only trying to organise him to marry you because it’s what your family/others want, then you’re wasting your time and will no doubt be disappointed. 

    Also from the pastor’s perspective perhaps he needs to prioritise couples who are more involved in the church etc. 

    When is the wedding? 

    Post # 3
    313 posts
    Helper bee

    Hmm. It sounds to me like they’re just busy and disorganized. I don’t think there’s anything offensive about your text message. It sounds like you were trying to be nice and not trying to bug them- at least that’s how I read it. If I were you, I’d probably approach Pastor X one more time face to face and give him a few specific times you’re available to meet with him and try to have him set an appointment right then. If it goes nowhere..I’d look elsewhere for an officiant. Hey, you tried! Sounds frustrating. 

    Post # 5
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I wouldn’t trust that church with your wedding, way too flakey. The pastor’s behavior was very disrespectful. He didn’t communicate with you at all, you just don’t treat people like that! He did it repeatedly, too, showing you are zero priority to him.

    Also, I don’t like that he kept pushing your husband into volunteering instead of having some compassion knowing the guy is exhausted from working 2 jobs. That was really rude, like he just wants to use you.

    You know how at the doctor’s office they push patients thru like cattle? That’s the feeling I get with this pastor. Like he’s trying to get stuff done and it’s all just numbers, you’re not a real person with feelings to him. And that’s not what his job is about, it should be about the human connection and God’s love. I’d be offended and probably look for a new church.

    Post # 6
    3613 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I wouldn’t worry about the text you sent him. I don’t really see anything wrong with it. You’re just following up. So I don’t think you have done anything wrong here. Except I think you should stop getting your mother involved – e.g. she didn’t need to know the exact wording of your message! And your mother talking to them about you was really not ok! 

    It is really irritating that they won’t get back to you though. They do sounds really busy and unorganised. It isn’t very good pastoral care at all. You are attempting to get to know him and he’s just rebuffing you, not a good way for a church to behave!! Trying to get you to volunteer was odd too, I mean over time he could encourage you to do that, but it shouldn’t be forced. I’m not sure what you can do except approach him in person after the services more? Or just give up and find another option, which may be preferable…

    Post # 7
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    You’ve mentioned how important it is to your mom to have Pastor X officiate your wedding, but it it just as important to YOU? If it’s what you want, then maybe keep trying, give them the benefit of the doubt once more,  and hope they get better about taking time commitments seriously in the future. If it isn’t, I would absolutely find someone else with whom you can make real, dependable progress. 

    As for whether or not you can be upset with the Church, I voted yes. I think it’s pretty crummy that they’ve jerked you around like this, and I don’t like that they seem to be pressuring you and your fi into volunteering (even after you’ve explained that he can’t) as part of the deal, before they commit to marry you. It feels very “what’s in it for us?” and that would make me super uncomfortable. I’m not religious, but in your shoes I’d sooner pay a guy, sign a contract and be done with this whole mess than continue to wait for something that may not even work out. When it comes to weddings, the sooner you can get things checked off the list, the less stressful planning gets. 

    Post # 9
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    yupmarried :  I completely agree!

    Post # 10
    1139 posts
    Bumble bee

    it seems like you want to appear more religious than you are for the sake of your family. you don’t want to volunteer with the church,  your fiance doesn’t have the time to spare if he wanted to…and you haven’t been able to pin anything down with anyone in the five months you’ve been trying. i personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with that turnaround time or level of ambiguity. 

    Post # 11
    1872 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Why all the texts to the pastor? It’s so impersonal! If you’re serious about this then you should be calling him, leaving him a voicemail. This isn’t a girlfriend you can shoot a text to once in a while. Would you text a possible employer after an interview? No. You’ve only stated attending this church at Easter time (mar/April 2017), it’s not a long time and the pastor wants to see how committed you are to the church and I see his point. If you and Fiance start volunteering at the church then you won’t have to text him and wait weeks for a reply, you’ll be seeing him weekly.

    Post # 13
    1800 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    When is your wedding scheduled for?

    Post # 14
    114 posts
    Blushing bee

    call him, don’t text. this is official business. Also I don’t appreciate churches that pretty much blackmails you to voulanteer. 

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