Oh dear..I've upset the priest who was supposed to marry us!

posted 3 years ago in Christian
  • poll: Do i have a right to be upset at the Pastor too?

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  • Post # 31
    Member
    8367 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t put up with ANY wedding vendor treating me this way or bein so flaky. Imagine if your photographer kept blowing you off?? You’d find another more reliable one! This guy doesn’t sound trustworthy and I’d probably move on.

    Post # 32
    Member
    9124 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    shadows9x :  “I’m not even asking this Pastor to allow me to have the wedding at his church. He just needs to do the ceremony.” — This is not doing him a favor and might be working against you. Most pastors spend most of their Sunday at the church. There are usually at least 2 services on Sundays. A lot of pastors even live on church grounds in a parsonage or other housing provided by the church specifically so that the pastors can be near the church. If your wedding is mid-day, you’re asking this guy to be at his church for morning service, rush over to where ever your ceremony is to be, conduct a wedding ceremony, then be back to church for afternoon or evening service where he’s going to be working again tending to people’s spiritual needs while you and your guests are partying. ….. I’m an atheist so I’m not judging you at all for having a Sunday wedding, but I grew up very religious and I can tell you that this is how it looks to these pastors. In addition to it being inconvenient, the fact that you already booked a non-church ceremony venue plus the party location tells them that the religious aspect is an afterthought. The stuff about you wanting or needing to get closer with the church — they’ve seen this movie before and it doesn’t end the way you and your mom think. If I were you, I’d find a professional officiant. If you want to become more involved in your church, you can do that without having one of their pastors do your wedding. I’d just keep the two separate and not have to worry about it.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee

    While I sympathize with how hard it is to deal with this pastor, and get ahold of him, you have made some major mistakes:

    • Booking your venue before confirming a date with your religious officiant
    • Booking your venue on a Sunday (you have no idea how lucky you are that he agreed to perform the ceremony after you pulled that stunt)
    • Not following up with him in a timely manner, you approached them back in August and waited until October to follow up again (waiting 2-3 weeks is long enough)
    • Not putting your foot down with your mother, she needs to back off. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to deal with all of these issues by yourselves
    • Communicating by texting instead of phone calls or visiting in person. 

    I would be seriously annoyed too if my priest was as hard to reach as your pastor. It shouldn’t be this hard.

    Pick up the phone and call him, or go in person.

    I’m shy too! But there are times you have to get out of your comfort zone and deal with people directly.

    Post # 34
    Member
    7159 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    This is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t care who the person or establishment is, if they survive by the grace of their community then their priority needs to be the community. These pastors have both been rude and dismissive. Their positions do not give them license to treat people the way you’ve described here. I’ve got many pastors in my family who have their own churches (of varying sizes). I know pastors can be extraordinarily busy but there’s busy and there’s just out and out rude. It would have been better for them for just say “Pastor cannot do that and it’s best that you find someone else to fulfill your request.”

    I wouldn’t allow any of these people to bless my marriage and I absolutely would not trust them to guide or support my spiritual walk either. I would likely go elsewhere and I’d also probably write an email detailing the experience and that that is why I’ve determined that that church isn’t a good fit.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1223 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1995

    I see some issues also.  This is a new church, which means they are still trying to figure out what they are doing.

    Most pastors will not conduct weddings on Sundays.  They are busy with other obligations.  

    You aren’t wanting to get married AT the church.  A lot of pastors will not marry people if it’s not at the church.

    I would call the church and set up an appointment with them through the secretary.  At this appointment, you need to find out if they will marry you at another location, if they will do the Sunday wedding, and what they need from you.

    Since this is a new church, they are probably needing volunteers to get things going.  If that is not an option for you at this time, you need to make this clear to them.

     

    Post # 36
    Member
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    shadows9x :  I agree it sounds frustrating. If you take away the whole family thing, do you genuinely want to get married there? Are you happy worshipping there? Your church must be huge for all these delays?

    The texting isn’t enough for organsising wedding stuff, calling/emailing or in person always work best.

    I work as the administrator for our church (live in UK) and there are a couple of things that stood out for me:

    1) Chasing up can happen sometimes (by maybe a week or so in our church, we’re medium sized) but it sounds more like you’re pleading at this point which isn’t okay. We’re really busy but we’re not some enigmatic team that keeps going missing!

    2) You should NOT have to earn the right to get married in your church. Being an active member of your church is great for many reasons, but you should NEVER be excluded on the basis that you aren’t volunteering/donating etc. It’s called fellowship for a reason. You join a church family, it’s not a points system! Many people join churches straight after the baptism of a first child for instance, when they don’t know the church much at all…so it wouldn’t make sense to exclude people on that basis. 

    3) Weddings on Sundays are not unheard of, including in our church. There are 3 services each Sunday but my friend got married on that day. 

    Obviously these things vary from one denomination to the next but I thought I’d share that

    I hope that helps!

     

     

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