(Closed) Oh FMIL, 1. you’re super cool 2. you’ve got me all wedding-sad again.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I love that you feel that way, I really do. I do not think you should have to wait to tell them either, but that is up to you.

I don’t really think there is the “perfect” time, the average cost of a wedding as 20k. My husband and I do not have that and we were not about to wait until we had the money. We opted for a backyard wedding with just close family and friends. We were not exactly at the point of our lives that we wanted to be financially, but it has been getting better and I think going through that together has made us a strong couple.

I have heard of people picking up and eloping in another country. I think that is just beautiful and so meaningful.

Post # 4
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think a lot of what you’re feeling is because his family doesn’t know about your engagement.  I think it’s a sweet idea that you want to wait to not steal anyone’s thunder, but if it’s postponed indefinitely, you shouldn’t have to wait forever too, that just isn’t fair.  I would tell the family, quietly with no ‘frills’ that it happened (yay) and go from there.  If I found out that my brother or sister were waiting until I figured my life out to plan theirs, I’d feel SO guilty for taking so long and telling them to go ahead and have a ball!!  

Post # 6
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would say have a chat with him about things. LIfe has changed since you made that agreement and it is possible you might end up picking the same date if they are waiting till they are more financially stable. It looks like you picked 2014 which could change, but it is something to think about.

Post # 7
674 posts
Busy bee

If she has postponed indefinitely, how does he plan on explaining the story to his parents? The timing of it is something it would seem they would figure out. Hiding it from them for so long will likely hurt their feelings.

Post # 8
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Even if she did get married in 6 months, you’re not “stealing her spotlight” if you get engaged. Everyone’s life does not revolve around FSIL’s wedding- why should you hide it?

Post # 9
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just tell them!  My Future Brother-In-Law got engaged a few months after us, which was totally fine, I expected it actually. It’s silly to hold off indefinitely.  Nice not to announce immediately on the heels, but a month apart is more than enough time.

Post # 10
141 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s crazy that you haven’t told them!  Tell em!  Talk to your fiance, and let him know you don’t want to wait until ???when even??? Indefinitely?  Really – it’s very thoughtful of you and your fiance, but it’s actually TOO thoughtful.  That’s putting your life on hold for some antiquated notion of who goes first.  And judging by your FMIL’s quote, his family are not the type to be freaking out about spotlight / thunder-stealing. 



The topic ‘Oh FMIL, 1. you’re super cool 2. you’ve got me all wedding-sad again.’ is closed to new replies.

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