- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Got a bad case of the feels, guys.
Relevant background info: FI’s sister is getting married… eventually. And Fiance has asked previously that we not announce our engagement until after his sister’s wedding, out of respect for her spotlight. So his parents don’t know we’re engaged yet.
On mothers day, I went on a picnic with FI’s parents and sister. It went really, really great. I’ve been dying to get to know his family more and bond with them. They spent the whole time telling me all these hilarious stories from when Fiance and Future Sister-In-Law were growing up, and I shared a few from my family too. I had always suspected that his parents were super cool, and now I had all the personal accounts as evidence. They’re awesome people and I want to be like them. But at the begining of the picnic, when I was still too nervous/drowsy to talk, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law were talking about her wedding. Aparently she got her dress this weekend, Future Mother-In-Law bought it for her and wanted to show us pictures but no one had the camera (sadface). Then they started talking about the wedding still being off- I guess they talked about this earlier, but the wedding is postponed indefinately while Future Sister-In-Law looks for another job, her Fiance waits on a promotion, and they pay off all their debt, because it wouldn’t be financially responsible to throw a big party when you have debt she said. In response, Future Mother-In-Law said “Life is what happens when you’re waiting to save up,” and told the story of how she and Future Father-In-Law got married when they were both jobless, because she had quit because her boss was mean and also wouldn’t give her time off for the wedding, and Future Father-In-Law got unexpectedly laid off the day before the wedding. And she said they had a great time, went on their honeymoon and had fun, then came back (and had jobs within a week, luckily).
I wonder if she noticed I was looking at her so adoringly. That is what I want. I don’t want to be jobless, obviously. But I want to just do it. I want to get married because we love each other, everything else be damned. I know it’s silly to feel it’s so important, but I want to make it official, I want to get up in front of the handfull of people who are important to me and profess that this is for real, the big one, together forever. What she said has become my mantra for the past 2 days, I’m obsessing over it, “Life is what happens when you’re waiting to save up.” I don’t want to wait any longer for the sake of practicality. I don’t want it to be practical, I want it to be spontaneous and beautiful and about love and nothing else.
In my defense, and before I get too dramatic, it’s not even that impractical. Sure it’d be easier to sponge of our parents for a few more years before plunging into open water, but we’d really be fine. Fiance has a job for the begining of summer lined up, I’m sure he’ll do just fine getting a new string of theater jobs when he moves here in the fall, he’s extremely qualified. I’ve got an almost guaranteed job for the summer, and that experience on my resume will make it easier to find another in the fall. I’ve got over $23,000 in savings. Tuition and room and board for next year is $3,000 total. The wedding we want would cost about $500. We could have it for even less, potluck style, no decorations, and I would be fine with that. It’s all very possible.
I’m not trying to knock FSIL’s path either. I think it’s fine if they want to wait and save up and have a bigger wedding. I’m very happy for her and very excited for it. But I don’t want to wait on something that’s been postponed indefinately to even tell our families, at least state our intentions. It makes me so restless, and I think 2 years of being this restless will not be good for me. I just want to be husband and wife, I want the symbols because it’s the closest I can get to telling the world how I feel about this man, I want it carved in stone 20 feet high on the mountainside, and I think to wait for that to be practical misrepresents the sentiment. I want the spontaneity. I want that to be the story we tell our kids. I’d tried deflating these feelings and saving it for later, but I can’t, inexplicably it’s very important to me.
I don’t want to tell him the extent of my obsession with this notion because it seems like undue pressure on him. I know he would do anything to make me happy. I will talk to him about it though, I have to, I have so much to say.
I don’t know what the point of this post is. Maybe tell me your stories of spontaneous, crazy acts of love?? I’d love to hear happy endings.