- 10 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Future Mother-In-Law has gone from sweet person wanting me to call her mom as soon as we got engaged to…. psycho beeyotch.
I need a little help wading through what to do and why this may be happening. FH and I talked about it and we are not sure what is going on. We’ve had problems with his family in the past, but mostly his mom is freaking out… literally freaking out that he’s not living with/near them anymore.
I know it’s just a case of clingyness… but how do we handle this? In the course of the summer, FH and I will have seen them 4 times and they are 8 hours away. We have gone up three times together so far since may/june. FH was looking for a job (and found one just a few weeks ago!) and I had summer school to complete before I can graduate a few months after we get married this year. So… that being said… we have in no way cut them out or tried to be difficult about seeing them.
His family flipped out on him about a month ago when we did not go up in a weekend for his older brother’s birthday…. so his parents travelled all the way down to where we live that monday to spend a few measly hours with their son ( I was unable to make it and they knew this previously). They didn’t pop in to see my family, nothing. I know this offended my parents a little because we are genuinely Southern and like to host people at our house. My parents were miffed that his family didn’t even say hello to them or to me before heading back up the very next morning.
Fast forward to a few days ago:
FH is starting a job the DAY after labor day and will be unable to go see his family, understandably, for the holiday. He is taking off 3 days of work to go to his brother’s wedding just a week or two later. His family will see him soon enough.
However, his mom called again and was super upset with him, saying they didn’t understand why it was so hard to get him to come up all the time. (ummm in our entire relationship the only time he didn’t go visit them was for this 25 yr old’s birthday)
FH ended the call by saying it wasn’t him who was unreasonable, it was them. It was them who have been ignoring me and us together by treating him like a seperate part of our relationship and not including me. After this he said his mother seemed to calm down and that was pretty much the end of the conversation.
Bees, I don’t know WHY this is happening? Is this some wacked out reverse Oedipus complex? FH and I do not know how to go about including his family in our lives in the future. It seems impossible right now! I’m just wondering if they really do have something against me. I know they’re a tad racist but could that really be it?
It just seems these freak outs of him being with me instead of with them come from nowhere. He has lived abroad for a few years previously and has certainly never been a mama’s boy. I don’t see what’s the difference of him being away in the past and him being with me…. except now this is worth a freak-out in their eyes.
I am genuinely starting to feel like the whole situation is fishy and maybe there’s an underlying motive FH and I are not seeing through all this? 🙁
EDIT: I should add, that his whole family has been weird to me since we got engaged… not just his mom… which is probably the main reason I feel this isn’t mother/son seperation but an entire family thing!