- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I got this online RSVP today from my cousin:
RSVP from [Cousin’s Name] and hiking buddy [Name]
I am taking full advantage of this Last Frontier opportunity. My friend [Name] and I are arriving [date] at 7pm-ish and then heading out to Denali on the train the next day (I need to email your mother as well to ask if we can stay there that night…). Then we are headed back on Friday to meet up with my parents and join the [rehearsal/welcome dinner] BBQ. After the wedding I believe the clan is headed down to the Kenai for some fishing. [Friend] and I are flying out on the afternoon of [date].
Yay Alaska and yay wedding!Can’t wait to see you and the rest of the family.
Um… OK. Here’s the thing. Cousin (whom I love! Seriously! Adore! So glad she’s coming!) lives far away in another state, where she’s working on a PhD (she’s 27). My wedding, clearly, is in Alaska. Having been to graduate school myself, I get that money for travel to things like Alaskan weddings is not always plentiful, and I love that she’s coming, and I understand that it probably will be her whole vacation this year. And if she has a friend who wants to come on her vacation, I totally understand that, too. Hiking alone in Denali National Park is definitely not a good idea.
But as for the wedding — My cousin was not invited with a date/plus-one because (a) she’s not in a relationship and (b) the wedding is going to be fairly fully populated with people she knows and loves. Including her parents and brother. So it’s not like she won’t have anyone to talk to. This RSVP is literally the very first I heard about any “hiking buddy” coming along TO MY WEDDING.
If the hiking buddy is traveling to Alaska with her, OK, I understand that it’s going to be weird to say, “Well, Hiking Buddy, you hang out here in our hotel room while I go to this wedding you’re not invited to!” But I wish that she would have at least oh, I don’t know, called me to broach the subject of the awkward hiking buddy situation rather than just randomly RSVPing for her uninvited friend. It’s a wedding, not a youth group!
My mother thought it was somewhat humorous when I called to tell her. Until I got to the part about Cousin and Hiking Buddy needing a place to crash. And there’s not really much that can be done about it; obviously, Cousin and Hiking Buddy already have plane tickets, and I’m not going to cause a big scene. I hope Hiking Buddy enjoys the free-to-her lamb chops and champagne. She’ll never be made to feel unwelcome, of course… but I’m going to have to swallow some irritation thinking about the people we would have liked to invite but couldn’t.
I’m still stunned, though… how does an independent, intelligent adult think it’s remotely OK to just bring an uninvited friend to what is clearly a formal wedding? How does someone so completely miss the manners bus?