Post # 1
Okay I was just reading another topic about etiquette in sending invites.
I have send invites to a my American hostparents, brother and sisters. And also some old Highschool-friends I’m still in contact with. I know they are not coming, ofcourse. But I thought sending them our invite would be cute.
In Netherlands only the people attending your wedding bring gifts/ money. Not the people who are not coming. That’s standard etiquette.
I feel awful now that they might think I send them an invite to get gifts/ money. My hostmom asked me what I would like, I replied back that we have everything we need, but we do like to have a room to stay, when we come and visit them… She replied that I would always have a home but she would like to send something anyway and asked me what I liked. I was thinking something cheap and easy to send with mail so I replied: cookiecutters. (Because I love to bake).
I wished I explained to her that in our culture it’s not custom to get gifts from people who are not attending wedding. And I wished I included a note with our customs.
Oh my could they think that I send invitations to get gifts/ money?
Post # 3
I think it is polite that even if you can’t come to the wedding you can still get something for the bride and groom… it is a nice gesture… saying sorry we cant be there but here is something for you for the start of you new life together.
Post # 4
They probably don’t think you sent the invitations just to get gifts but they probably want to send you something to help you celebrate your marriage. You can tell them that they don’t need to send something but if they still do, just thank them.
Post # 5
Hmm. I don’t think everyone who replies “NO” is required to get a gift.
If you list registry information some people may choose to send you a gift. If you are terribly close but can’t make it for some crazy reason, people usually send money or a gift.
Since you are close to the host family its not a problem I don’t think.
Post # 6
You covered your bases by saying you had everything you need, I think. You don’t seem gift grabby at all.
Post # 7
Let them do whatever they like. They don’t know and therefore won’t likely follow the cultural practices of Holland.
I’m sure they are very pleased to get an invitation to your wedding. They might have had hurt feelings if they weren’t invited, even though everyone knows they likely won’t attend.
Post # 8
Yes but that was only convo with my hostmom. She will tell that to her kids probably. But I also send invites to my 5 highschool friends…
@Mrs Argentina: we don’t have gift registries in our country. People here will normally call the ceremonymaster who know the bridal couples wishes.
Post # 9
I have relatives out of state that will almost certainly not attend my wedding, but I’ll invite them anyway so they know I would love to have them. I don’t expect gifts, but where I live it’s normal to send a gift if you are close to the couple, even if you can’t attend. Even if you had said that wasn’t your tradition, I would probably follow my own tradition anyway because I would feel wrong not getting someone I care about a wedding gift, even if I couldn’t attend. So I don’t think you did anything wrong 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks all… I’m a bit reliefed now. I was just reading a topic about a bee wanting to send an invite to a friend that moved out of state…
While I was reading I got red, shame and felt awfull, thinking I’ve already send mine…
I’m not so worried anymore, thanks again 😀
Post # 11
@NoaMarijn: If you are close enough to the people you invited that you would be happy to have them attend if they DID send back a reply that said they would be making the journey to celebrate with you, then you are not in the wrong.
True etiquette does NOT require a guest who declines an invitation to send a gift, regardless of the popular opinion or practice of a culture. If the guests CHOOSE to send you a gift, even though they send regrets and are unable to attend, it is because they are happy for you and wish to share in your joy and love.
It sounds as if your host-mom is excited for you and wishes to celebrate with you. By the nature of your title for her, it sounds as if the relationship you two have is nearly maternal; so that only makes sense. She might have been sad to have not recieved an invitation to such an important and exciting event!
Post # 12
it’s super kind of people who cant attend but send a gift- dont worry about the logistics 🙂
Post # 13
Definitely don’t worry about it!
I have been invited to several weddings where everyone knew it was highly unlikely I would be able to attend (Australia, New Zealand, Florida, Mexico). Whether I chose to send them something depended on my situation (I was a student during several of them), how well I knew them, and their situation as well. ie – if they were totally skint, I was more than capable of saving bar money to buy them a $20 or $30 gift.
My financial situation has changed since then, thankfully! Just for fun, as of late, I have taken to buying very inexpensive gifts off of the registries of friends and acquaintances, just because I can. For example, girls that I coached while I was in highschool. While I am sure they are overwhelmed, I *hope* they are also happy that I want to support them, even if it’s with an ice cream scoop and tongs, or pair of wine glasses.