(Closed) Oh help do my American friends think they have to send me gifts??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it is polite that even if you can’t come to the wedding you can still get something for the bride and groom… it is a nice gesture… saying sorry we cant be there but here is something for you for the start of you new life together. 

Post # 4
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

They probably don’t think you sent the invitations just to get gifts but they probably want to send you something to help you celebrate your marriage.  You can tell them that they don’t need to send something but if they still do, just thank them.

Post # 5
7289 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm. I don’t think everyone who replies “NO” is required to get a gift. 

If you list registry information some people may choose to send you a gift. If you are terribly close but can’t make it for some crazy reason, people usually send money or a gift.

Since you are close to the host family its not a problem I don’t think.

Post # 6
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You covered your bases by saying you had everything you need, I think.  You don’t seem gift grabby at all.

Post # 7
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Let them do whatever they like. They don’t know and therefore won’t likely follow the cultural practices of Holland.

I’m sure they are very pleased to get an invitation to your wedding. They might have had hurt feelings if they weren’t invited, even though everyone knows they likely won’t attend. 

Post # 9
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have relatives out of state that will almost certainly not attend my wedding, but I’ll invite them anyway so they know I would love to have them. I don’t expect gifts, but where I live it’s normal to send a gift if you are close to the couple, even if you can’t attend. Even if you had said that wasn’t your tradition, I would probably follow my own tradition anyway because I would feel wrong not getting someone I care about a wedding gift, even if I couldn’t attend. So I don’t think you did anything wrong 🙂

Post # 11
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@NoaMarijn: If you are close enough to the people you invited that you would be happy to have them attend if they DID send back a reply that said they would be making the journey to celebrate with you, then you are not in the wrong.

True etiquette does NOT require a guest who declines an invitation to send a gift, regardless of the popular opinion or practice of a culture.  If the guests CHOOSE to send you a gift, even though they send regrets and are unable to attend, it is because they are happy for you and wish to share in your joy and love.

It sounds as if your host-mom is excited for you and wishes to celebrate with you.  By the nature of your title for her, it sounds as if the relationship you two have is nearly maternal; so that only makes sense.  She might have been sad to have not recieved an invitation to such an important and exciting event!

Post # 12
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

it’s super kind of people who cant attend but send a gift- dont worry about the logistics 🙂

Post # 13
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Definitely don’t worry about it!

I have been invited to several weddings where everyone knew it was highly unlikely I would be able to attend (Australia, New Zealand, Florida, Mexico).  Whether I chose to send them something depended on my situation (I was a student during several of them), how well I knew them, and their situation as well.  ie – if they were totally skint, I was more than capable of saving bar money to buy them a $20 or $30 gift. 

My financial situation has changed since then, thankfully!  Just for fun, as of late, I have taken to buying very inexpensive gifts off of the registries of friends and acquaintances, just because I can.  For example, girls that I coached while I was in highschool.  While I am sure they are overwhelmed, I *hope* they are also happy that I want to support them, even if it’s with an ice cream scoop and tongs, or pair of wine glasses.

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