- 10 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
Just to clear something up, I’m NOT saying I was offended by the reactions of my professors. I’m just saying I thought the reactions were odd, and if it had anything to do with the word “boyfriend”.
And yeah, professors can be a bit…up tight…about students lying to get out of class. Right before Christmas, my a close friend of mine was in a really, really bad car accident, and was hospitalized for weeks. I was taking a winter term class, and I had to show the professor the article in the newspaper about the accident so I could miss a class to go home. And I totally understand why they would do that. I know a kid who claimed his dad had cancer to get out of a final.
And to the OP, I totally understand. We’ve been in a serious relationship for over 3 years. Explaning to people that I bought a house with my boyfriend sure raises a lot of questions.. People ask us all the time whos name is on the mortgage. When I tell them “both our names”, they look at me like I’m insane.
There should really be a new term made up for people who are in relationships for more than X amount of years but who aren’t engaged or married. I was calling Fiance my “boy-ance” (boyfriend+fiancé) for like the 2 years leading up to our engagement!
I ahve had the same probelm. My relationship is a very long one, we started dating in college, but for many reasons he’s not been in a place where marriage was even a possibllity until fairly recently, and even now he’s not “sure” – thats not my main point, I’m just saying that we’ve been together as a committed coupl, even without engagement or marraige for a long time.
He had a friend who was almost a brother to him die unexpectedly in an accident several years ago. My work didn’t want to let me off because it’s “just my boyfriend’s friend,” and not s “relative” My own blood-relatives mean far less to me (and me to them) than my BF’s oldest friends. His family, even if it’s not “official” IS my family, but since we don’t share a last name, we’re not seen as such. I almost lost my job by telling them that I’m not making him drive down to the funeral on his own, and then bury his friend witout me by his side. I had similar problems when his grandfather, and his brother-in-law’s father and grandmother all died. No matter how long we’ve been together, I’ve learned, as long as you can’t/don’t call each other “husband and wife” there are plenty of people in the world who will marginalize your relationship as “not counting”.
I honeslty HATE the terms BF and Girlfriend these days, as modern society seems so full of weekend booty-call BFs and GFs that to call someone such means almost nothing anymore. It sounds like you’re in Jr. Hhigh school, or you “hooked” up a week ago and will break up next week. People DO NOT treat a Girlfriend the same as a wife in many cases. Wives have a ot more understanding and respect for their involvement in their husband’s life and family. If the OP had said MY HUSBAND’S father died, she’d have been given a lot more repect and understanding.
Lol. Once Fiance and I had been dating 3+ years, my mother started calling him her “almost future son in law.” 😀 haha
I know how you feel. Back when I was in college I was in a similar situation. I was hurt because the label wasn’t strong enough and felt foolish when speaking to professors or bosses. Now looking back, I was silly. We broke up after that and it truely was nothing more than a boyfriend, despite how I or anyone else around felt.
I am not waiting but I just wanted to point out that, for a lot of companies, fiances don’t carry any weight either. My FI’s mother passed away last year and I had to use a week’s vacation in order to be with him. Since we weren’t married, I didn’t qualify for bereavement time. I think it’s just that marriage is considered the “gold standard” that all other relationship types are measured against. Everything else seems to be considered…less than. Which is silly to me, but I guess schools/companies have to draw the line somewhere.
OP: I agree with a PP that your professors do not know the relationship you share with your BF’s family. Without knowing that info, they assumed you had no relationship at all (which is the norm for a young couple). I would’ve probably said something along the lines of, “Well, I’m sure your boyfriend will be glad you’re taking time off school to be with him” myself.
In college my bf at the time passed away. I was away at an internship, everyone went out of their way to comfort me, and allowed me to end my commitment early. When I returned to school, my profs gave me lots of leeway on things. I don’t think their reaction would’ve been ANY different if he were my husband.
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