- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017
This wedding thing is impossible.
Here are the facts: If I have to pay for our entire wedding by myself, I can manage about $10-15K (I’ll have no savings left, but I can do it while still paying the bills). There are 50 people just in the first “layer” of my family alone (parents, siblings, grandparents, direct aunts/uncles, and first cousins). After FI’s family and our close friends, and necessary plus-ones that makes it approximately 120. That doesn’t even count good family friends or second cousins we’re really close with.
I’m an adult and don’t expect my parents to pay for anything. But my dad has offered and given me that whole, “Well of course I’m planning to contribute, you find something you like, and if it’s reasonable we’ll make it work” (my dad’s definition of “reasonable” has to do with circa-1980 prices). My dad also wants to invite his 2 dozen cousins, who see me once a year and still think I’m 13. All told, we were looking at a guest list of 200 or so (as you know, that limits the venues we can consider).
My dad won’t just give me a figure so I know what budget I’m dealing with. Instead, he waits until I’ve done months of research and number-crunching, and whenever I quote him a price that’s standard for the size of our wedding and the So Cal area, he bitches. It’s getting tiresome. Even if he said, “We’re not contributing anything,” that would be fine with me, because at least I would know what the real budget is.
At this point I’m thinking, ok, I can do this. I’ll pay for it, have total control over the list, and do what I want. But that’s easier said than done. How do you have a wedding in an area like LA for 100 people for $15K, even considering days/times other than Saturday night? It seems like any place that’s “budget” at first glance absolutely kills you with random fees, add-ons, insurance, etc. – not to mention places where you have to bring in everything, including tables. I don’t have the time or patience for that.
Fiance has cheered me up by saying, “Worst case scenario, we fly to Hawaii with our middle fingers in the air.” That’s why I love him. But even the thought of eloping causes me major anxiety thinking about all the family blowback for not including everyone. I want to include my family. They’re important to me.
Any words of advice? Budget brides and/or brides with obnoxiously large families, how did you do it? I’m willing to cut corners, but I still want to be a good host (e.g. I don’t want anyone paying for drinks or parking at my wedding).