(Closed) Oh my GODDD FMIL….I am losing it, I’m telling you!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So what would happen if you just “stopped by” tonight?

She sounds like an inborn procrastinator to me.

Post # 5
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Fiance needs to talk to his mom about this.  Maybe he could just get an idea about the budget and then you guys can do the particulars.

Post # 6
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You need to go to yoga class & get your deep breathing on.  Your Fiance needs to light a fire under his mom’s arse.  Best of luck to you 🙂

Post # 9
Member
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I totally get that this is soooooooooooooo frustrating.

The reality is that you are the one who is not going to have a rehearsal dinner if it doesn’t get planned. She is not going to change and you are going to be dealing with this for the rest of her life. You can choose to let your blood pressure go so high that you stroke  out, or find another way to respond to her.

Post # 10
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsDrRose612:  In through the nose, out through the mouth.  OOOooooo-sahhhhh. 

Post # 11
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I was also going to suggest yoga. Why does she need to be involved in the rehearsal dinner discussion at all- because they’re paying? Maybe best to get a budget from them, and for you and Fiance to plan- less stress for you!

Post # 12
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Do you not realize that she’s using the Rehearsal Dinner to manipulate you?  You’re reacting exactly the way she wants you to react.

Do you know how to be at peace with this whole thing?  Organize the rehersal dinner yourself and do not include her.  Make it a potluck at your house or cater it to your house or something, then send everyone an email to let them know the details once you have worked it out.  She will reply, angry that she was not included and then you simply reply “I’m sorry, but since you could not work within the constraints of our schedule, we decided to go ahead without you”

She needs to get the message that you will not be manipulated – from both you and your fiancee.  She sounds just like my Mother-In-Law, who is kept at arm’s length by our family and her other kids families for this exact reason!

Totally not worth getting angry or stressed out about!

Post # 14
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MrsDrRose612:  Yup, yup.  Then she will eventually say something like “Well, at least let me pay for it” and throw money at you to try to be included and justify her continuing to manipulate you.  Don’t fall for it!  People like that are sick and they lead sad little lives.  

Post # 15
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t let it get to you. There is still plenty of time before a decision needs to be made. And it is possible that she is not sure how much she needs to contribute. Weddings are very different from even 15 years ago let alone 50, not that I know when she was married.

Just take a few deep breaths and calm down. If nothing is decided 2 months before the wedding then make the decision yourself and just disinclude her.

Post # 16
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Looks like you are under a lot of stress. 

If I am in your shoes, especially when your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t understand you guys have a deadline, I would just ask her how much budget she is planning to spend on the Rehearsal Dinner.  You and your Fiance will do the grunt work and do research and picked a couple of places and go over with her.  That way she feels like she is “in charge” of some sort but in reality you guys made the pick.  She just need to approves it. 

If you want my opinion, Rehearsal Dinner is not worth fighting over with.  Honestly, she is paying for it after all.  You don’t need to be stressing out.  But I would do it just to make peace on the situation.  For you, that is one less thing to worry about and one less fight between you and your Fiance in my opinion. 

 

Either way, best of luck to you!

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