Post # 1
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Just needed to vent to some people who will understand. I have been asking my mom to give me her guest list for the wedding for about a week now, and I have been talking to her about how large our guest list is getting.
She already knows that we are trying to keep the guest list very small, and I have told her (repeatedly) that with just my list, FI’s list, and FMIL’s list we are at about 120. I was hoping that would indicate to her to keep the list small.
I got her list this morning, and after I removed everyone that I already had, there were 56 new people. FIFTY-SIX!!! She’s crazy!! I don’t even KNOW some of these people.
I am definitely going to be calling her tonight and telling her she’s going to have to make some major cuts. Her and my dad are paying for everything, but they have no concept of how much a wedding costs – she doesn’t seem to realize that more people = so much more money!!
Any advice on how to convince her to cut some? Anyone else having the same problem?
Post # 3
OH my gosh! That’s nuts…but if they are paying, it might be best to approach the topic as, “hey, so far the costs are looking like “$x amount/per person” because she really might not know – good luck!
Post # 4
My mom called me a bridezilla when i asked her, very nicely, to cut the list. I just told myself that she was upset about not being to invite everyone she wanted, even though she was at the venue when we discussed that it only fit 110 and she agreed that we’d just invite less people. Sadly, I have no advice. After a very big fight my mom realized we could just send some people announcement instead. Good luck!
Post # 5
I agree with krissycake, that it might be best to approach this from a less personal angle. Telling her to cut the list without explaining why might lead to hurt feelings and more stress than you already have. Try to explain to Mom about the costs per person and see if she doesn’t mind slimming her list down a bit.
Post # 6
Amanda Lynn- I feel your pain. My mum is paying for our wedding. We wanted a smaller wedding, at a venue that can hold a mximum of 100. My mums list had 49 on, that didn’t include 7 cousins that should have been on her list, that now are on my side of the list. I managed to get rid of 7 of them, so know she has 42 (which actually should include my cousins that makes up 49). It leaves about 50 places to go for FI’s family and our friends!
This is the reason I wanted smaller wedding. Arghhhh
Post # 7
sorry to hear.. treat with care though – my fight w/ my mum on the invite list got really nasty and she wasn’t even paying for the whole thing. i told her the place wouldn’t hold that much, plain and simple. oh and the budget thing.
Post # 8
Oh yes, I too am having this problem. Only its my Mother, Future Mother in law AND my step father. So while they don’t see the problem with adding just a few more people, they are all doing it so its adding up. And all AFTER I sent out save-the-dates (meaning, we should of known about these people awhile ago). For instance, my FI’s mother just mentioned in passing that she’d like to invite her “best friend”. I’ve been with my Fiance for 6 years, we’ve been to every gathering his mother’s ever had and I’ve never met her- I don’t want her there. Granted, I’m still gonna invite her but her invite may be a lil late, if you know what I mean lol. I’m hoping because it’s out of town she won’t want to come anyway, since she doesn’t know us! My mother has decided she likes some people in the neighborhood, so they have to come. They are nice, but if the cost is too high I’m gonna kindly ask for some financial assistance. And, finally, my step father, who’s paying the majority of the wedding, decided that one of his “monday night football buddies” should come simply to make use of the open bar (oh god)… this one I’m just gonna have to deal with, great.
I guess, after that long winded vent, what I’m saying is, you’ll have to sit down with your mother and in the sweetest voice possible tell her that money is a concern, you guys wanted a small wedding and you’re overwhelmed with how large the list has gotten. If she’d like to supplement then I’d say let her have her peeps invited. If she can’t, ask kindly to skim off the list. But rest assured, this is clearly just a part of the process we are all going to deal with.
Post # 9
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Thanks, ladies! It’s good to hear I’m not the only one dealing with the craziness! I am going to call my mom this afternoon and explain the cost and everything to it. I’m hoping that once I explain by just cutting off once small section of the family she wants to invite (people I see maybe once a year. Maybe. And I don’t even know their names), we will save $1,000.
I’m hoping that once she sees how much of an impact the guest list has on the cost she will reconsider a little bit. My mom isn’t the type to throw a huge fit over all of this, I’m just hoping she doesn’t suggest changing all of our plans to accommodate the guests she wants to invite! I’ll update you guys once I talk to her!