(Closed) oh no! Foe has same wedding date; mutual friends torn

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Even if she changes the date, she will still not be guaranteed that everyone can be there.

I think that your Fiance needs to accept that some of her friends may have to make the hard decision on which wedding they will go to (if they are even invited to both weddings) and keep everything as is.  As with everything in life, things will not go perfect and you won’t always get what you want.  I think she needs to focus on the fact that she is getting married and less about the fact that this person that she doesn’t like just happend to pick the same date.

Post # 3
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

What is it about that date that you’re set on? Sounds like you just got engaged so if you haven’t planned much yet and haven’t put down any big deposits I don’t see the harm in changing it a week or two so everyone can be there.

Post # 4
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

Her “foe”? Ok…..

If you have paid any deposits, I would keep your date unchanged. Whoever can come will come, and whoever can’t come isn’t worth getting upset over. It will probably play out in such a way that her mutual friends who feel closer to her will come to your wedding, and the mutual friends who feel closer to her “foe” will go to the other wedding. However, you can’t realistically figure out every possible conflict in the world and move your wedding date to accommodate them.

Post # 5
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
cb450k7:   if it’s not going to inconvenience you guys: change the date its not a huge deal. I probably wouldn’t change the day and just whoever came I wouldn’t care. But obviously your fiance is bothered that her friends may not be there and if she wants her friends there to just change the date. Its not to accommodate other people necessarily it’s more to make your fiance happy.

Post # 6
Hostess
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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FantasticFawn:  I lol’ed at this. I have made it 35 years without a single Foe. I must be doing something wrong. 

 

OP, how much money would you be out if you changed your date? How much peace of mind would it bring your FI? Weigh all your options carefully…and remember that in the end all that matters is that you’re getting married and starting your life with the person you love! Everything else from that day will fade into memory, even if it is PERFECT, which it rarely is. 

Post # 8
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

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desertgypsy:  I lol’ed a little at the phrasing too. It made me think of a video game!

Post # 9
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

How close is this foe? It sounds like your Fiance and this other girl are in the same social circle. In that case friends may have know both brides equally as long and that is why they are torn.  If you have not made any deposits and arrangements I would change the date.  No matter what there is no way to predict that the weather will be perfect on a particular date. 

 

Post # 10
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

For her sake I would change the date if it isn’t a big incovenience to you. If her ‘foe’ already told their mutual friends about the wedding date then they are put in an awkward position. I think it could cause upset further down the line, not because they don’t care about your Fiance but they may already feel a commitment to attend the other wedding as they knew about it first.

Post # 11
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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cb450k7:  I don’t see anything wrong with changing your date to make it easier for friends to attend.  The weather won’t change drastically in a week or two.  Now a grown woman having an honest to god enemy is frankly a little strange, do adults have enemies?  This must be hugely uncomfortable for your FI’s friends, I’m not surprised they didn’t commit to her wedding, they’re being placed in a very awkward position.  Good luck OP.

Post # 12
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

OK – If I had 2 friends, but they were foes with each other and one had already invited me to her wedding and the second one popped up and said “I’m getting married” I would be that friend of 10 years who didn’t assure your Fiance I would be there.

You know, my theory is this:  You figure out what is important to you guys, then you put every logistical point in place to make it happen.  If having most of her friends at the wedding is a high value target for your Fiance, then I would change the date.  If the weather is more important and a possible low turnout happens and that is ok with her, then I wouldn’t change anything.

The success of the wedding you want always depends on solid logistics.  You do what you need to do to see the end result.  Only you  guys know what that is.

For me – I’d change the date in a heartbeat because it would be that important to be joined by my friends.

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
cb450k7:  Her foe! LOL! I love it. 

It sounds like you’ve just gotten engaged, and the foe (tee hee) has already set her date and spread the word. If it’s easy enough for you guys to change the date I would – why not? If you know that a particular date is going to be tough for a lot of your guests, and you’re not too far along in the planning process, then just change it. No problemo. 🙂

P.S. Why is your fiance concerned about the weather? Whether you have the ceremony on day X or day Y shouldn’t matter too much as long as the dates are somewhat close together – no one can predict perfect wedding weather no matter what date. Hell, it could be pouring rain on the original date and perfect as a peach on the new date, you just never know. And by-the-by, it rained on my wedding day, for my outside wedding, and it was still freaking awesome. 🙂

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Soon2bmrs1.
Post # 14
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I’d change the date so her friends don’t have to pick sides. If she’s concerned about what people will think, make up an excuse as to why you changed it, e.g. you could only book one of your favourite vendors on that day. Don’t be concerned about the weather; there’s just as likely a chance it’ll rain on the original date and be perfect on your new date. 

Post # 15
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

To be honest if you haven’t paid any big deposits yet, I’d change the date if it’s going to affect that many close friends…

Someone in my own family booked their wedding on the same day as mine (9 months after I booked mine lol…). If it was the other way around and I knew my wedding date was booked on someone else’s I would have changed my date if I didnt have so much booked. Obviously after 9 months I had quite a bit booked so I couldn’t change, and the other bride was unwilling to change so theres nothing we can do. This is affecting 20+ people to us and putting everyone in an uncomfortable position. If I could have done anything to avoid this I definitely would have. 

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cb450k7:  

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