(Closed) Oh no he didn't!!! friend of FI leaked some info at a party tonight-pissed!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@fivemonthsnotice:  Perhaps the friend just doesn’t remember the facts correctly?  Or maybe he doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to know something?

If this is from way back when though, I think I’d let it go unless you have reason to believe he has lied about anything else.  I would assume that if you had just started dating, he was still in the right to date other girls and while it wouldn’t have been right to lie to you, it may have been just to spare your feelings instead of to hide something from you and it would have caused too much drama down the line to say – hey remember when we first started dating.. i kinda lied about something.. yanno?

I don’t know if I’d make a big issue out of it at this point unless this is sort of like the straw that broke the camels back.  If your Fiance has never given you any reason not to trust him, I wouldn’t use some guy who has been drinking wine all night’s random, confusing statements set you off. 

Sorry about you being in this stupid situation!

Post # 4
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ummmm so I’m confused are you mad that its a chance he had someone else in the car? Or you feel like he lied? Even if he did what difference does it make were you guys exclusive immediately? Everyone has a past.

Not trying to be snarky but I wouldn’t let this set me off.

 

Post # 5
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m confused.  Was the friend implying that he broke in the car with someone else too or that your Fiance told him about when you two broke in the car?  Either way I would be annoyed but if this was a super long time ago I would try my hardest to let it go if there have been no other bad things.  (Lies, cheating etc)

When I first started dating Fiance I ran into his brother at a bar and he told me that someone down where Fiance was stationed had a crush on him and Fiance was considering going for it since I was so far away but his brother told Fiance he shouldn’t do that.  I spent the rest of the night on the phone crying and talked to my now Fiance but not before his brother picked me up and through me over his shoulder, scaring the crap out of me and all my friends.  By the way his brother doesn’t remember any of this or literally picking me up.  You say you were at a wine tasting.  Maybe there are some mixed messages here, I knew his brother was drunk and that I was but I got all upset over nothing.  Talk to Fiance about it if you must so that you can move past this.  You cant let DB friends (or brothers) throw a monkey wrench in your relationship and if this isnt that big a deal your Fiance should be honest with you about whatever happened or didn’t happen and you two can move on.  What would you do if the situation had been reversed?

Post # 6
Member
8430 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t get it either? Why is this guy a DB? because he made a joke/was ribbing your partner?

Post # 8
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@fivemonthsnotice:  why did the friends GF say ignore him, does she know something?  Guys can be so stupid, he might just be trying to cause trouble. Have you asked your FI? I guess you need to ask yourself does it really matter?  You love him and want to marry him and this is something far in the past. But if that friend keeps saying things I would be seriously p**d off too.

Post # 9
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I guess it comes down to… who do you trust more?  Your Fiance says nothing happened, his friend is implying something happened.  One of them is right, right?  I don’t know either of them and I can’t really tell from your post what type of guys they are, so based on what you know about your Fiance and what you know about the friend, who do you trust more?

If you think your Fiance is hiding something, then it’s time to have a talk with him and go from there.  But if you think the friend is just trying to stir up drama, then I’d put it out of my mind and not let him affect me.  

Sorry I don’t have anything else to offer, but something like this is very hard to judge without being there when everything was said and knowing these guys personally.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So were you in a committed relationship when he got the car are did you start dating a week after he got the car?

Sounds like you are hurt because you were under the impression you were the only one he had back there but I also don’t know how your Fiance can win here-if you started dating a week later was he to have told you that he had anothet girl back there already? ??

The Girlfriend is right-ignore the guy, you’re being mad at Fiance for a situation where he was going to be damned if he did tell, damned if he didn’t.

Move on with looking forward to the wedding-if you had no doubts, why do you now?

Post # 11
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He got the car a week before you guys started dating, so is it possible he did have a girl in the back seat back in that 1 week?

Why don’t you just ask your Fiance the sequence of events when you’re alone. 

Post # 13
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@fivemonthsnotice: Just read your update and I’m confused about what you’re upset about (not trying to be snarky – genuinely confused).  Are you upset because he was with other girls before you and didn’t tell you that before?  Or are you upset because you think he was with other girls after you started dating? 

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your wedding is in two weeks.  My advice is just chalk it up to his friend being an ass, because he was drunk or jealous or whatever.  Sounds like this happened a long time ago and you have no reason to not trust your fiance now, even if it is true (which I’m sure it’s not). 

When we got engaged and married all of his friends told him “DON’T DO IT!!”  Guys can be assholes.  Let it go. 

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