- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
My wedding is 7/31/10 but Maid/Matron of Honor still won’t try on dresses because she wants to “lose 10 pounds” before she does. She’s been saying that for months and I doubt it’s gonna happen. The other two BMs don’t want to buy their dresses until they see what she’s wearing. We went to a store recently and Maid/Matron of Honor pointed out some dresses she likes. They were all long, and most of them were ballgowns (I told her I’d prefer they wear tea-length). I finally had to say, “You do realize those are dressier than my dress?” I’m having a casual wedding and other friends have worried that Maid/Matron of Honor might try to upstage me with her choices.
Last Friday I invited Maid/Matron of Honor, her husband and 14 month-old baby to stay over (FI was away on a business trip). They got their dates mixed up and planned to come on Saturday instead. I told her Saturday wasn’t great because Fiance was getting home from his trip around 9:30 that night and it would be overwhelming for him to come home to a houseful of company (baby is going through a fussy stage and doesn’t sleep well in unfamiliar surroundings). She got all hurt and wrote me an email about how she feels unwelcome and how she suspects Fiance doesn’t like her and how this is evidence of a pattern in our friendship.
Well, Maid/Matron of Honor and her husband often visit my area because her husband’s kids from his first marriage live nearby. They used to always bring their untrained and incontinent elderly beagle with them and now they travel with their baby (14 months). It’s true I often don’t invite them to stay over because our old condo was 725 square feet with no place for a couple to stay. There was a no dogs policy there, even if we were OK with having a dog who’d pee the carpets and get into the garbage.
We moved into our house last summer and eventually bought a guest bed and cleared out a spare room, so theoretically they could stay over. I just don’t think she gets that it’s kind of a lot for a childless couple to have two adults and a baby stay at their 2-bedroom 1-bath house. If we could choose the timing, it would be one thing, but their visits are arranged around the kids’ schedule, not mine and FI’s. She says I’m always welcome at her house, but that’s because I don’t use her house like a motel: I come to visit HER, at a time that’s convenient for everyone, and it’s always just me, not me and a husband and a dog or baby.
So, no, Fiance doesn’t dislike Maid/Matron of Honor, he just thinks she’s a bit selfish and demanding, and I’m starting to agree. There are times when I’ve been there for her to an extreme degree (when she was planning her wedding, pregnant, and having a baby) and I just don’t feel it works both ways in our friendship, which would be fine except that I feel I’m being reasonable and not expecting a lot and I’m still cast as a ‘bad friend’ with an unfriendly fiance.
It’s just about the first time in our friendship when it’s truly NOT all about her and she still has a knack for turning it around so that it is. Sometimes I honestly wish I didn’t ask her to be in the wedding. I’ve seriously considered asking another Bridesmaid or Best Man to be Maid/Matron of Honor, but I don’t think I can do this without a lot of drama.