Post # 1
This is a long and somewhat complicated story and I could really use any advice/guidance/wake up call, etc that someone has to offer.
Background: my fiancé and I have been together for almost 10 years, engaged for over 2 years. Throughout our relationship we have had many ups and downs, just like any relationship. We had troubles in our relationship in the first two years when he felt he was not being loved enough by me and felt the need to seek one night stands with two different girls. I was young and immature at the time and forgave him for it, and we moved on. Throughout the next 5-6 years, we built an amazing relationship – lots of intimacy, good memories made and many successes. We both graduated university, bought our first car and most recently our first home. Once we moved into our home, things changed…fyi we lived together in his moms house for 3-4 years prior to buying our house. I sometimes think our house is cursed, but hey. Anyways, after moving in to the house, he expected me to fulfill the same role I had when I was living at his moms house. But what he didn’t realize or accept is I (we) both had ten times more responsibility now. More expenses, more cleaning, more independence…aka adulting. Things started to get bumpy again, and he claimed I was not being intimate enough or initiating intimacy as much as him and it made him feel like he wasn’t good enough and all of this. Shortly after, my mom got diagnosed with cancer and that added another and completely new stressor to my life. I was there for her so much.. taking her to appointments, talking her through things, constantly communicating and seeing her almost every weekend..I was a total wreck. Well, he then felt that I wasn’t there for him enough during this time, and about 4 months after my mom was diagnosed he decided he needed to get attention from someone else. He has been in an intimate/romantic(?) Relationship with this person now for 6 months. I caught him with solid evidence once..and I should have left him then…. I didn’t…I caught him again after he told me he cut everything off and I believed him….(am I an idiot or what??)… and now again, after a huge blowup, him staying at his mom for a few weeks, he came back to apologize and say he wanted to work on things and blah blah blah… but again I know he is still with her. is wrong with me? How did I not leave him immediately? I just need to grow a backbone and leave him because I know I do not deserve that, I am much better than him. I am truly a genuine person, of course I have my flaws as does everyone, but I treated him with nothing but respect for the past ten years.. however he fails to recognize it. Someone please give me the motivation and confidence to do what I know I should do…. ☹
Post # 2
Do some research on narcissism.
He sought out one night stands early on because he wasn’t being loved enough by you.
He started cheating on you again because your mother has cancer.
See, the cheating is never his fault.
He’s probably quite comfortable with you living with the knowledge that he is a serial cheater. Guys like him thrive on triangulation.
Bee, he doesn’t fail to recognize that you’re a good person. He is well aware of it. That’s the whole reason he glommed onto you in the first place. He saw you as an easy target,
You’re not an idiot, Bee. You’ve been taken in by a skilled manipulator. If you don’t end it with him now, it will raise serious doubts about your self respect.
In any case, therapy for you is a must. You have to come to some understanding of how his behavior is at all tolerable for you.
And, yes, you do have to dump this jerk.
Post # 3
You deserve better than a man child who starts an affair because he’s not getting enough at home DUE TO YOUR MOTHER’S CANCER. What a scumbag. And to blame you for his affairs is just…wow.
Post # 4
He is a piece of shit. You absolutely should leave him. Right now. He’s shown you he hasn’t changed one bit since his initial indiscretions 10 years ago and he takes none of the responsibility and puts it all on you. He’s incredibly selfish. Cheating on you because he didn’t get enough attention while you were helping your mom with fucking cancer…the immaturity and selfishness he must have to even think that might be acceptable or forgivable is beyond me.
Post # 5
Why do you have to be the one to leave? Kick him out. Whose name is on the house?
Kick him out so he can go find that one person who will revolve her whole life around him.
I hope your mom is doing well now.
Post # 6
He’s cheated on you three times that you know of. There are likely countless other times that you don’t know of. I had a friend who had low self esteem. She was with a series of guy that were absolutely crappy. The fifth one cheated on her five times that she knew of. She finally left him, or maybe she broke up with him. But she wasted so many prime years with him. She’s now been married for two years and seems quite happy. You can’t get to a good place with a good person, as long as you allow yourself to be stuck in a bad place with a bad one.
Post # 7
Your mom had cancer and all he cared about was getting enough sex? Wow.
Post # 8
please go to survivinginfidelity dot com. those people have been through what you’re going through and can help. literally, copy and paste this post on the just found out forum there. please.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
Why do you think you deserve to be treated like this? why don’t you deserve a man who picks up the slack when you’re overwhelmed and dealing with something awful? All this man cares about is whether his dick is getting enough attention… not whether you’re upset, hurting, stressed, sad, exhausted. He is not a partner, he’s a serial cheater that when the going gets tough, he gets going… to another woman’s bed.
You know what real partners do when your parents get ill? They support you, they run around doing everything they can to make your life easier because you have so much on your plate already… they don’t add to your stress and heartache by screwing someone else! This guy is the worst kind of douchebag… he’s got you believing that you’re the reason he cant keep it in his pants. But guess what? Even if life was smooth sailing and you were perfect… he’d still screw other people.
You know how I know? Because my ex did. He tried to blame all kinds of things for his wandering dick, but you know the real reason? Because he’s a miserable, awful person who didn’t deserve me. Your guy is the same. Time up upgrade your life by demoting him to ex… and for the love of god, kick him out and keep the damn house!
Post # 10
He has the nerve to cheat on you and tell you it’s your fault because you’re not giving him enough attention. And it seems you believe him.
He is an a-hole and he cheats because he wants to, he has a flaw in his character he does not want to correct. He’s all about ME ME ME.
Get it together, sell the house, get out of this pitiful excuse of a relationship.
Post # 11
Yes to what all of the PPs have said. He’s disgusting. Please move on and find a better man and a happier relationship.
Post # 12
You know what you need to do…do it and be happy