(Closed) Oh, super!! Groomsman AND flower girl have dropped out….long, sorry

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Go for the groomsman first, in terms of looking. Flower girls are reasonably easy..do you have a friend or family member with a cute wee one? 

Just relax, the worst is over now! At least you know, and now you can plan a resolution. Although it is an enormous pain!

Post # 4
Member
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

4-5 months ago they didn’t know what they know now- the date that they are moving. Back then everything was still up in the air and they more than likely DID want to be in the wedding.

Life happens. Be gracious and move on.

Post # 7
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsDrRose612:  I can see the frustration when you asked in advance. However, they probably still didn’t want to offend you and wanted to be apart of the day until they finally realized yeah we can’t do this.

Good luck with the search!

Post # 8
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

I agree with @julies1949 and @LD333: they probably thought that things would be different and that they could still be a part of your wedding. But now things have changed and they can’t. It’s unfortunate, but what can you do? I think the best thing is to simply be gracious and move on. And you defeinitely don’t need to find replacements; uneven sides are perfectly acceptable. A lot of brides and grooms go that route these days!

Post # 9
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What they did was definitely inconsiderate, but not meanspirited. Luckily it’s not a huge deal. I wouldn’t worry about finding replacements–just let it be as it is. 

Post # 11
Member
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“Our closing date got moved to the Saturday before your wedding and I dn’t think it’s going to work”

as I said, they didn’t know the exact date. In reality the presence or absence of a flower girl and one groomsman, aren’t going to make any difference to your wedding.

Yes. it’s frustrating to deal with last minute changes, but you have a choice in how you react to them.

Be a good neighbor and a good friend and wish them well in their new home.

Post # 12
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@MrsDrRose612:  I think you may be taking this more personally than you should be. This wasn’t done to you and your FI; these people probably didn’t set out to make your life harder at this time. It sounds like significant circumstances changed, and they can no longer attend your wedding. And from what you’ve told us about their communication, I wouldn’t conclude that they’re being flippant about their decision. It sounds like they may have an actual time conflict and real financial constraints. We’d all like to say that we’d honor a commitment like this no matter what, but what if they just cannot afford to fly back? That may be a real and legitimate concern here.

And I echo @julies1949:  The only thing you can control in this situation is how you react to it. You can see it as a huge inconvenience and choose to be mad about it. Or you can be understanding and gracious. You can’t control others, but you can control how you let them affect you.

I understand how stressful the final weeks are leading up to the wedding. And I totally understand why you feel frustrated by this situation. But it would be a shame to let something like this add more stress and negatively affect how you’re feeling in these final weeks. Try to enjoy yourself and just let these things roll off your back! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I had a bridesmaid drop out 4 weeks before the wedding so I definitely understand the hurt. In hindsight, I don’t ever think about it and my feelings about it are over. I think the text your husband sent was worded very nicely. I do agree with @julies1949: in that sometimes things change and it sucks that they didn’t think about this beforehand but that’s just the way some people operate. They go, go, go until they realize they can’t and then by that time they’ve broken a commitment. Some people highly value commitments they make to the point where they won’t break them no matter what and some people don’t. 

Post # 14
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

There’s nothing wrong with having a flower BOY drop the petals. Why pigeonhole people into gender roles anyway? 🙂   Just try to roll with the punches, and keep looking forward to marrying your best friend.

Post # 15
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You’re totally ok to be upset.  Really, the situation sucks and it’s the last thing you need right now.  But try not to be mad at them.  They have a small child, a big move, a baby on the way plus your wedding.  How many times in your life have you thought you could handle something and then when it starts looming, you realize that you underestimated the task and/or overestimated your abilities to do it?  

I know it’s hard but try to be understanding.  I’m sure that they really want to be there but just can’t handle the commitment of being in the wedding party right now.  Rant and rave and throw things at the shittiness of the situation, by all means, but try really hard to be understanding of your friends.  

Post # 16
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

THIS among 100 other dramatic reasons, is why we decided not to have a bridal party and go solo..ughh I feel for ya girl!

I think it’s too late to find replacements. I know it’s different, but I just think of how Fiance and I were invited to a wedding across the country (we live in FL, wedding was in Cali.) 3 weeks before their wedding. It was a D-list invite. I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. If they had given us a heads up early enough we would have TOTALLY made it happen. It would have been better if they hadn’t invited us at all, at least then I could convince myself of other reasons why they didn’t and just leave it at that. We still sent them a fun gift, because we do care about them….but I still feel odd about it.

This is what we felt after an INVITE. I can’t imagine being asked to be a replacement as a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man when the wedding is around the corner. I think it would be a bit of a slap in the face unless you ask family members or a current groomsman to step up to the plate.

Flower girl might not be so serious though, as long as you offer to pay for the dress. It can be the daughter of anyone you know.

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