Post # 1
My mom and I are very close and she lives with my stepdad only a few miles from my home with Darling Husband. Darling Husband works overnight, so generally sleeps in the afternoon to early evening, then gets up when I get home from work so that we can have dinner together. Unfortunately, Darling Husband won’t get any time off for the holidays. He works weeknights, so if a holiday falls on a weekday, he has to work because he doesn’t have enough seniority to use vacation time when everybody else has requested those days off. Mom already knows all of this, as we’ve discussed it at length in the past.
Yesterday my Mom calls me and says “Oh, you’re planning to come here for Thanksgiving, right?” I had assumed this was the plan since we have no other local family. But, then she tells me that she’s planning to serve dinner at 3pm, which is essentially the middle of the night for Darling Husband. Then she added that my stepdad’s kids/grandkids will be there, so the timing is not negotiable. I told her that I’d talk to Darling Husband about our plans.
I feel like this was a non-invitation. She’s hosting dinner at a time that she knows isn’t really possible for us (who wants to wake up after 3 hours of sleep to go eat a big meal?), but then was guilting me into making Darling Husband to do it. Why not just say, “we’re having Thanksgiving with stepdad’s kids this year, so you’re on your own”? I don’t really want to even mention it to Darling Husband because he’ll tell me to go, but then feel bad that he was excluded.
Post # 3
That is a tough one but I would say you should go over to her house for a bit maybe for a couple of hours and then return home so you two can have a quaint meal together before he goes to work. My future husband would tell me the same thing because he doesn’t want me to miss time with my family. You are so sweet to think of him too especially when he has to work 🙂
Post # 4
@ms-kitty-1: As the host, your Mom has to do her best to accomodate as many people as possible. So if she can’t find a time that is convenient for your husband don’t take it too personal. When I host parties at my house I have to try to make it at a time that’s good for my sister (she has two young children who have nap/feeding schedules) and my ILs who are out of town most weekends… it never works out 100% to anyone’s advantage.
As far as what to do… if I were you, especially if your husband is going to be sleeping, I would head over to your Mom’s for a few hours (2-3), put together a plate for your husband, and go home and have a mini-Turkey-Day celebration with him!
Post # 5
So this is what you do, you go to dinner and your Darling Husband stops by when he wakes up. He sets an alarm so he gets up at a reasonable hour to visit then goes to work.
Your mom didnt issue a ‘non-invitation’ she offered an invitation for a time that is likely traditional for Thanksgiving. She maybe hoped that your Darling Husband would get up early and be tired, but still to join a portion of the festivities (most reasonable and logical- why do you have to wait around while he sleeps?)
Neither of the parties are expected to totally rearrange their schedules, but you both can make accomodations. Talk to mom about holding dessert at a time Darling Husband can make it there and saving him a plate of food.
He wasnt excluded, his work caused a timing problem. Its not an insult, its a reality of life.