- 4 years ago
So last night involved some very heavy drama, which only made me appreciate my fiance more.
We were at a friends place for a social gathering, when towards the end of the night, the host (S) disappeared and went to bed. The hostess (H, his girlfriend) had been in the spare bedroom with myself and a couple of other girls and none of us had known he went to bed. When H went to peak her head in to check he was ok, he yelled at her. I didn’t hear what was yelled but H came down the hall looking pretty upset. She told me he said something along the lines of “your a fucking slut, kissing another girl”. Which both didn’t happen and is a totally over the line of how to talk to someone.
Skipping over a few events, the few girls and I ended up leaving and bringing H with us, as S had come out of bed and become more upset,and both shoved her and punched a wall.
Turns out, this is a pretty abusive relationship. S and H both like to drink, but often while drinking S gets upset over minimal things and will yell a lot of obscenities and has gotten physical. It broke my heart to hear that he shoved her while we were leaving and then for her to say “but thats normal, its not a big deal”. (To which I responded that it shouldn’t be normal at all).
She insisted she go home within an hour of us leaving, and assured us that she would sleep on the couch and he wouldn’t come out of the room unless she went in (again, apparently “normal”) and that she would call us if anything else happened.
Bee’s, this is such a scary situation for me. I read on here a lot people mentioning these red flags about abusive relationships, and when I see people comment that something is a red flag so often on here, it makes me wonder what is really is red flag worthy. But, last night, I realized just what qualifies as red flag material. And it makes me sick.
I sent FI home while I went with H and the girls to talk for a bit, and during the walk home, all I could think was how happy I was to be coming home to someone who really loves and cares for me. I honestly couldn’t imagine being afraid to go home or feel unsafe.
I am going to talk to H some more, and let her know, again, that she can come to us as a safe place when ever she needs it. I’m just torn about how much to urge her to leave him, since I think it will still be some time before she is ready to admit that the abuse isn’t worth the charm and comfort he brings when he isn’t angry.
Not sure if I am really looking for advice, but definitely needed to get this out. It’s all I dreamt about and have thought about for the last 12 hours.