- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Alright Bees, I am getting Married May 27th 2013, and so far planning has been a breeze… except the bridesmaids. I always knew long before we even got engaged who our bridal party would be I have One sister who i am very close with who is my Maid of Honor, Mr. Xray also has a sister so she is in the bridal party and I have 2 very very very close friends, over the last year since i changed jobs i have gotten alot closer with one and more distant with the other. Not by choice but just by how our lives are taking us.
Some background, BF#1: met thru a guy I very briefly dated in the past at a Paintball event (yep I LOVE playing paintball) she and I bonded instantly so even when that didn’t last more than 2 dates we were bonded. She is older than myself (tho not by much) and currently in her seccond marriage since her first hubby passed away of cancer at a very younge age. She is the QUEEN of coupons, scrapbooking and anything DIY. Which has been a MAJOR help in the wedding planning!
BF #2, worked with me and my previous job while at MAC Cosmetics, super fun bubbly the epidimy of a Blonde Bombshell personality. We have been friends since our 21st bdays and have gone thru alot of ups and downs and drama (being the fact we went thry our WOo HOO party days) she is fiesty sassy girl who for 5’1 and always in 5inch heels can do some damage. She and I have always been super protective of one another as we have been thru some cruddy relationships together. Since I left MAC she has become very close with her serious Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have become engaged to mine. That is where the Friction begins.
Fast forward to the engagement… YAY BF#2 is the first person I call and she is floored, had no idea super happy. But a few moments later I can tell there is a Riff…. “Wow… Can’t belive Mr. Xray never even told me he was looking at rings let alone planning to propose!!” and so it began. Turns out Mr. Xray didnt feel super comfortable with BF#2 being at the ring shopping as she always talked about having very $$$$ taste, and he didnt want to feel like what he could afford wouldnt be enough. That is why he took BF#1 with, (and in his defense he only took her on the last apt to pick up the setting and select the diamond to go in the center).
Well this I had no idea of till much later. I asked BF#2 to be a bridesmaid and she accepted right away. I was thrilled, and as the planning started it became very clear Boyfriend or Best Friend #1 was my right hand. Had the best money saving ideas, her hubby offered to do our wedding for NOTHING (photographer) and she is helping with all the floral as she worked in a flower shop for years and isnt asking a penny! It just felt in my heart that she was the perfect Maid/Matron of Honor besides my sister to really be my right hand in this process so I asked her to be my Matron of Honor, giving me my Sister as Maid of Honor, BF#2 as Matron of Honor, BF#1 Bridesmaid, and Future Sister-In-Law Bridesmaid.
Now a couple months go by and I have an apt set up with my Future Mother-In-Law Future Sister-In-Law Sis, Mom, Moms best friend and BF#2 to go look at a gowns! (my fave part so far) and Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. My Future In-Laws are from Michigan and we are in MN so they made a special trip out here to be apart of this and i wanted it to be special. Lucky for me I found the DRESS!!! with everyone there (and on a sample sale so what was already under budget was WAY under budget score!) Alright now that I was set time for Bridesmaid or Best Man. Well BF#2 and I had just finished working a wedding in the morning so were both def tired and chugging coffee at this point to get pumped and in the mood. Well sadly she never got there…..
Now here is how the apt went, “BF#2 isnt this pretty you should try it on!” BF#2 – “Umm NO i am not trying anything on remember? just make Sis and Future Sister-In-Law try on and Ill let you know what I think”….. Ok buzzkill…. Sis and Future Sister-In-Law are a size 2 on a bad day, she and I…. No I am back to an 8 (woohoo) she isnt… Well I think you can all guess how this apt went. “No, wouldnt look good on me” “Not for a girl with hips” “Ewww just NO” ect ect.
That was the first big pop to the bridal happiness bubble. Come home from that to alot of upset people wanting to know why BF#2 had to be so awful to everyone the entire apt, and then Future Mother-In-Law asked when her wedding was as she was talking about her wedding colors ect the entire time to her….. SHES NOT ENGAGED!! I let it roll off my back as just being her and not being comfortable with two gorgeous size 2 chicklets trying on dresses infront of her… which i could understand….
Welll it got worse. Had planned a Invitation making party at my house with myself and Mr. Xray paying for Pizza wine and snacks for the girls. Gave WEEKS noticie even checking in with her every day up to 4 days before to make sure she was going to come as I was really needing a good expiriance with her after everything we went thru with dresses.
Well surprise surprise she canceles at the last minute 30 after she is supposed to be there and we already paid for food and wine for her and her Boyfriend or Best Friend. Well Mr. Xray steps in big time and really helps get them all done and ready in no time with help from BF#1 and her great DIY suggestions. Another let down from BF#2
Well let just say that was the begining of disapointments and her really pushing away. since I just noticed how long this is getting… SORRY! Well I finally caved and confronted her over the phone about it and that was a bombshell I didnt expect….
I asked what was going on and if we were ok, she started crying and told me she didnt know any more, that she was hurt I made BF#1 a Maid/Matron of Honor and not her when she thought she and I were closer and had been thru more. She just couldnt get over that Mr. Xray didnt even tell her or take her with ring shopping, and that I just didnt care at all about her opinion on the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. And how could i put her on the level of my Future Sister-In-Law that i really dont know when she is one of my best friends?! she always knew my sis would be Maid/Matron of Honor but didnt think I’d have two that didnt include her. And wont lie it killed to hear her feel this way but am I wrong on this bees?? That it took ME having to ask HER what was wrong before she finally told me? That she went to her Boyfriend or Best Friend crying about me and venting instead of talking to me directly about it. THat she doesnt get how much work it is and I went with some one who WANTS to be apart of this entirely and not just for the bachelorrette party???? Some one who no matter what dress i had her try on gave me a huge smile (even if it was cause we were laughing at how hidious it was) and has been nothing but a HUGE positive support??????????
I guess to sum it up I feel terrible and I am trying so hard to really make our friend ship work…. I feel like no matter what I do tho she wont let go of what is already done. Any advice from Bees who have gone thru the same thing??? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated even if it means I was in the wrong
And to the Bees who read my first unedited post, SUPER SORRY!!! Hope this is an easier read, finally got the phone at work to give me a break to get this done right! Thanks for your support!!