(Closed) OK I have a problem

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you should seek counseling for this. There is no way a marriage can work when you have no communication. 

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you can be successfully married with that kind of communication habit. The two of you need to figure out a way to both feel safe and open with one another. I would recommend you go to counseling on your own specifically for this (I did this, I had the same issues and have now completely worked past them – prior to meeting my now husband). I also think the two of you should go to counseling together to get a game plan for communicating better.

Marriage won’t fix this – it will only make it worse. I would postpone marriage until this is fixed.

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Shannontink: When we say counseling, we don’t mean “premarital” counseling. We mean hard core with a professional psychologist counseling.

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

While I respect the power that faith can have in a person’s life, I think you personally might want to see a licensed therapist. This isn’t a problem for couple’s councelling, because it’s more of an issue with yourself, not you and your Fiance. 

Post # 8
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree that counseling might be a viable option for you. I also suggest trying to write him a letter about how you are feeling and why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Sometimes writing it out helps, and writing it out would be a gateway to opening the communication between the two of you. You can’t have a healthy marriage without good communcation.

Post # 10
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Therapy with a MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist). You’re not doing yourself any good nor your FH if you’re unable to express emotions. He’s not a mind reader and it would benefit you to find out why it is difficult to express how you feel.

It took me many, many, many years to get comfortable with an array of emotions (my childhood didn’t really allow me the opportunity to express myself). Therapy can be very beneficial.

Post # 11
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

I agree with the previous posters.  Counseling with a psychologist or psychiatrist is necessary to help you identify the root of the problem and to work out a solution for better communication with your soon to be husband.  Best Wishes to you both!

P.S. There is no reason to feel stupid, unless you do nothing about it!  Wink

Post # 12
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Shannontink: Like crayfish said, not premarital counseling, REAL counseling. Premarital counseling will not help you wish this. You need to see a psychologist. 

Post # 13
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

You need a therapist.  You have identified that you have issues stemming from when you were very young.  What you need requires professional help.  You have a little less than a year to figure it out.  The first step would be explaining what you said above to your FH.  Then get a therapist or counselor and work through your issues.  There really is no quick fix.

Post # 15
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@shannontink – It seems that you need to find a time and place where the two of you can communicate without interference.  Set up “family meetings” and plan to discuss items (both positive, negative, or indifferent).  Having someone follow you around until you break your silence is not ideal.  You need to work through this together with the support of a therapist. 

Post # 16
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Please don’t delude yourself with the idea that things will be different when you are morried.

If you are  unable to talk about your feelings now, you won’t be able to do it after the wedding. They do not give you any magic potion during the ceremony.

Please see a therapist. You don’t necessarily have deep seated problems. You may just have never been given permission to have negative feelings and never taught how to express them safely- for you and those around you.

 

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