Post # 1
I want to quit. I do not want to be wedding woman anymore. I am within the one month count down and I’ve lost my mind. HELP. I have been planning this wedding for a little over a year now with wonderful support from my Fiance. It really seemed along the planning process that no one cared to hear about the wedding or give opinions when asked (family and wedding party). And that was fine, it was our big day not theirs. Now that time is coming close I feel like I’m hearing it from all ends. The questions, suggestions, opinions never end.
I can’t take it anymore. And the RSVP guest list ordeal. Wowzers. I feel like telling some people don’t come then. We planned on 125. Let me first say we never expected any financial help from anyone, and figured if we received any it would be a gift/bonus. We asked both our parents who did they want to invite our of courtesy. My Fiance parents are still married, and his mom wanted to bring 3 co workers. Fine, I sent them invitations no problem. All three of them wanted to bring their husbands, fine. Then I receive a phone call from my Fiance brother saying that my RSVP is ambiguous because it says accepts, declines and No. of guests. That some people would bring 5 guests etc. I said that is not typical etiquette and truthfully why would anyone do that. Well one of my Fiance mother’s guest who was bringing their husband also wanted to bring thei husbands sister. I put my foot down and politely said no.
My RSVPs were supposed to be in by August 30th. And of course they are still drifting in. My Fiance informs me his mother is RSVPing with a guest. I never really expected his parents to RSVP back and really just sent them an invite for memories. His parents are married!! Aren’t they eachothers guests?! I invited the people she asked and their spouses, I feel I have been more than gracious, and she’s RSVPing with a friend?! Ahhhh. What now?!
I feel I am being bombared with wedding stuff. I receive a text from our mutual friend, saying “I’m RSVPing me plus a guest”. Without sending the RSVP back.. ok. This friend is single, so I asked her who is the guest. She responds “this really nice guy from a close by city”. So I tell her, I’m sorry but the invitation is to who it’s addressed too, our g-list is already more than we planned for and that we’re trying to keep it close friends and family. I receive a text back, “Really??? I have to come by myself?! Aren’t other people bringing dates?” I feel like saying, well you actually don’t have to come at all. I’ve left and have not texted back as I know I’m starting to lose it.
All in the same time period. My Fiance has 4 brothers, and they’ve all joked about who they’re bringing as dates. And I told them they can bring dates, but they would not be sitting with them for dinner. Well one of my Fiance brothers just said he’s RSVPing him plus 3 (he’s single). I said plus 3? And he responds “yes, me and my two dates” and then says “I don’t care about these girls so it’s fine they sit on their own” And I said “you weren’t joking?” I wasn’t trying to be facetious but I really thought he was. And he says “well they don’t have to come if you don’t want, but are there going to be any single girls at the wedding lol?”. I want to cry. When did our wedding become the party of the year? Doesn’t it mean anything to anyone that we’re getting married and do not want a bunch of random people there.
I’m so fed up. What do I do?
Post # 3
I should also mention, we have only received financial help from my dear grandma not from anyone else.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. Why are some people such dinglebats?
Honestly? I think it’s time to be firm to the point of being a b*tch (for lack of a better term). You’ve been accomodating, but it’s time to put that foot down, and I’d put it down firmly.
Again, so sorry 🙁 At least it’ll be over soon?
Post # 5
Use your words. Not any mean words, just the word, “NO!” His brothers response of plus three is ridiculous and his mother wanting to bring a guest on top of her co workers and her husband is outrageous. Just say NO.
Post # 6
I don’t have much advice as to what I’d do with those crazy RSVPs – though I do think you should firmly put your foot down, you said GUEST – singular. Did you not?
But I do want to say, please please please try to enjoy it. I was so stressed myself that I was bawling my eyes out in the hotel the night before the wedding. I had the worst stomach ache from all the stress. Looking back I really wish I had just let go and enjoyed myself more. I wish I had been able to laugh and enjoy the company of my girlfriends that night before in the hotel. If there’s anything I would encourage, it’s just let go of some of the things that aren’t perfect and enjoy yourself. I wish I did.
Post # 7
I’m reading your post and wondering if I wrote and posted this in my sleep—thank god I am not the only one dealing with this! We haven’t even sent our invites yet and we’ve had mulitple fights with Fiance parents about the damn guest list. We keep trying to tell them that we want an intimate, personal wedding with people who are involved in OUR life there, but they just don’t seem to get it. We finally put our foot down and told them that they no longer have a say in ANYTHING related to our wedding and that we were only inviting the people we wanted, and they could accept it or not come! I know it’s frustrating, but just remember it is about YOU and your Fiance, no one else matters!! Hang in there 🙂
Post # 8
Oh no!!! This needs to stop ASAP! Tell them unless thy are willing to pay for these “unwanted guests” then they can’t come! Plain and simple. At our venue we are allowed over 50 but at the rate of $15 per extra guest. Pays for more linens,place settings,so on. We are paying for this ourselves too. NO means NO tell them!! GL and let us know what happens…
Post # 9
his married parents RSVPed with a plus one?? that’s outrageous.
Post # 10
Date Twin 🙂 I can understand! I am so weepy lately, everything (and i mean everything) makes me cry. I am pulling my hair out trying to get everything done and make sure we are within budget. Our guestlist/rsvp has been an overwhelming gong show! Im sorry i have no advice for you but at least i can say your not alone in this! They keep telling me the day will come and everything will work out…well ill believe when i see it LOL.
Post # 11
Gawd, I’m so sorry that you’re stressing out so much with the guests!! I, too, don’t understand why people cant seem to figure out that its YOU and your FI’s WEDDING, not a frat party! I agree that you need to put your foot down! Theres no reason why your Fi’s parents are trying to bring +1’s! They are each others +1!!! GAHHHHHH
Again Im so sorry! I hope you can figure it out soon so you can relax and enjoy your last month before the wedding a little bit more!!
Post # 12
I’ve calmed down abit, feels nice to know my Fiance is totally on my side. I actually think he’s upset at his family for not considering us as they expand on the guest list for their own desires…
I am still so shocked at his mother and her +1. And when my Fiance was telling me this, he said they were almost mentioning it as well your dad isn’t bringing a guest so it should be ok… I should mention that my Fiance family doesn’t originate from North America and maybe this is a cultural thing. IDK. But my Fiance says he will talk to his parents and say no.
As for Fiance brother and his two dates (eye roll). I said one date and if it’s really important to him the other date can come after dinner for drinks and dancing.
Sigh. G’luck to all of us :S
Post # 13
I feel you! I am getting very similar reactions from people. It gets very annoying and I am trying my best not to freak out. I have my simple response to people (even people that have mentioned they didn’t receive their invitation….because you are not invited DUH!) I tell everyone the same thing, no one gets a plus one, and hopefully the singletons will meet someone at our wedding, and that’s that.
People keep bringing up the No children thing to me too, and I just keep telling them, sorry no children, it’s an adult event. I hope it gets better for you, and I hope it doesn’t get worse for me in the next few weeks 🙂
Post # 14
I have also had people who have RSVP’d with bringing a +1 and then said well they may or may not come. Do people just not realize the amount of planning that goes into organizing this and the money!
For the brides that haven’t sent out invites yet, just so you know, pretty much every single person (I mean addressed to one person) is bring someone if not their whole family. And in hindsight, I would have definitely included the names of who the invite is addressed to on the RSVP card as well. That way there are NO confusions, no acceptions.
I mean, not only are they extra people per head, but once I reach 8 extra guest, that’s an entire table – table cloth, chair covers, table number, candles, centerpiece!! ughhhhh.
Post # 15
Wow…my fiance and I just started to plan for the wedding and got our invitation list together…and I can totally imagine the frustration because almost everyone around me that have gotten married have experienced the same thing.
so…yeah, you’re not alone.
once I was told that when we make our guest list, we should really divide it into 3 parts…1/3 for FI’s parents, 1/3 for my parents, and 1/3 for our own frds..
when I heard that I was like “that…sucks…”
then I was told that parents often think that this is not a celebration of the kids, but a celebration of them being able to bring up their kids in a good way and now they’re moving on into adulthood and their own lives and we should celebrate for their efforts (PS. kinda talking about Chinese parents..so perhaps it’s more cultural than anything).
and the suggestion I received was “should do two parties, one for parents..and another one just for you and your friends”..
well..unfortunately my fiance and I simply don’t have that kind of money.
and even if we max out the restaurant’s capacity, we can’t fit even 50% of our close friends with just 1/3 of seats to use….sigh
Post # 16
@chx_101: I think including parent’s guest list is only if they are financially contributing to the wedding. In my case, they are not. It’s on our dime. If they were contributing I wouldn’t mind half as much!