(Closed) Ok, it's official, I'm a mess

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

AreAt ere you seeing any kind of mentamp health professional? I have many of the symptoms of BPD and I know how tough it is. It’s been described as unrelenting crisis. But, you are not a mess, and you can get through this.

Eta: saw that you see a therapist. I agree that you should try for an emergency appt 

Post # 4
Member
5014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Doesn’t your therapist have an emergency line so you can at least talk to him/her on the phone?

Post # 5
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@Weetzie:  Why can you not take anxiety meds?  It seems to me like things are getting out of your control, and it may be beneficial to seek medical attention. 

I’m sorry you are having a tough time.  But what you are taking on is a lot, even for those with perfect mental health.  It is understandable to be anxious.

 

Post # 6
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think that what your feeling is pretty normal but your mental health issues are just making everything seem wayyyy worst than what they actually are. Try to talk to someone who is closer to the situation and maybe they can snap you out of it by reminding you why your getting married in the first place. Just breath and dont make any rash decisions till you get to your therapist, good luck honey and i hope you feel better.

Post # 7
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It can be hard to stop with these kinds of thoughts, but I think the first thing you have to do is at least try to think rationally about the questions/issues you posed and try to answer them, on paper. 

Are you at risk of losing your job? Why does he have no money, is there anything you or he can do to change that? What actually would happen if you did lose your job? What is making your life a struggle, and will signing the marriage certificate actually make anything more difficult?

I think this might help you separate what is the disorder and what is a legitimate worry. Let me know if I’m completely off target <3

Post # 8
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I can’t imagine being in your situation, despite struggling through depression all through my teen years, and my boyfriend is still struggling with anxiety and depression. However, we don’t have children, and we aren’t planning a wedding (yet). Why doesn’t he have money? Is he unemployed? One thing that has always helped me is relaxation meditation. If you PM me I can give you breathing & relaxation practices. I know it sounds kind of silly, but it can really, really, help, I swear!

 

Other than that, I can only suggest that you reflect on the pros and cons of your impending marriage. Could you live without him? Live without seeing the kids again? Do you think there’s someone else out there better for you? OR do you love this man and his kids enough to make the struggle worth it? Life will always be challenging, but having people you truly love and trust in your life can make up for the instability of other things, like finances and living arrangements.

Post # 9
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @Weetzie:  to be totally honest, YES part of it could be coming from NORMAL PRE-WEDDING ANXIETY (aka cold feet)

Even folks in the most stable, picture perfect relationships tend to become OVERWHELMED at some point about all the emotions that surround a Wedding.

BECAUSE IT IS A HUGE LIFE CHANGING EVENT

(No one should ever kid themselves about that fact… it truly is)

And my experiences with Mr TTR may be telling for you…

I am soooo dang LUCKY to have found LOVE again in my life, and at my age (over 50).  And Mr TTR is an AMAZING Guy and we have a WONDERFUL Relationship…

But all the same I was Questioning stuff before our Wedding too.  I was worried (subconsciously I suppose) about marrying for a second time and having it all fall apart.  The great unknown.  Although I knew with all my heart that I love and wanted to marry Mr TTR the reality of the situation scared the sh!t out of me all the same.  And my STUPID reasoning was I would rather be ALONE FOREVER than ever go thru any of that Divorce crap and heartbreak ever again… so somehow my subconscious along with my Wedding Anxiety & Stress came out as being quite snarky and defensive

A sort of… “So you think you want to marry me eh… let me see if you feel the same way after I show you a whole other side of me”

Somehow I’ve come to realize afterwards was my subconscious literally saying… HURT ME NOW… LEAVE ME NOW.  Cause I don’t deserve all the happiness that you have brought to me… somewhere down the road you are bound to disappointment me, and hurt me like my Ex-H did.

Lol, Mr TTR would tell you that one of the reasons he loves me (and I him) is we are sooo easy going together… almost always on the same page.  Never argue or fight.  Sure we have our “disagreements” about things in life, but we NEVER get ugly with one another or say nasty words when we don’t agree on something.

That is until about 1 month before the Wedding…

I was a changed woman… I was stressed out trying to plan so many things into such a short window of time… Christmas (which is for many people a stressful time of year to begin with) – Wedding Details – Laundry & Packing (we were gone 5 weeks on our Pre-Wedding – Marriage & Honeymoon Adventure) – Vacation Details – Honeymoon Plans etc.

I was a wreck !!

And I took it out on him…

I was short, curt, snippy.  Not a nice person for him to interact with.  Lol, he’d ask me an innocent Question “Have the Cruise Baggage Tags come yet ?” and I practically took his head off…

“NO they are on order… gosh I hope they get here soon… I can’t seem to get anything right… so much to do… so little time… can’t you see I’m busy… what do you think I’ve been doing… your Honeymoon Fairy Godmother at your service”

Etc.

Yada, yada, yada…

I am amazed the guy even WANTED to marry me after the 30 days from the miserable bleak and cold rainy days mid November to it finally snowed and the Car was packed and we were on our way come mid December.

Honest, I was lucky he didn’t tie me to the roof of the car !!

By the time we got to Myrtle Beach… and some sunshine, and some much needed R&R… and I could finally again see the forest for the trees (actually the ocean for the beach)… I was good to go, and my mind relaxed and what was LEFT of the Wedding Planning for the most part sort of took a “secondary” role of… “Well if we get it done great, if not so be it”

So hon, altho it might be your Disorder that is ramping up…

It could just as well be Wedding Anxiety in general.

My best advice is for sure talk it over with your Therapist… in much detail about what it is you are feeling, your concerns regarding the marriage, etc…

BUT do know that Wedding Anxiety can manifest itself in many ways… and just about everyone goes thru it to some extent.

((( HUGS )))

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 10
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I’d also want to know why she can’t take anxiety meds…

however, call your therapist’s office first thing Tuesday morning and see if there are any cancellations. Are you also seeing a psychiatrist? They may be able to give you something to take the edge off. But why are you having all of the other thoughts?

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