Post # 1
Well I recieved his (my boyfriends) letter with all of his hopes dreams goals etc ( for those of you dont know the background my Boyfriend or Best Friend is deployed and made an unusually sentimental request to send him a letter with all of my dreams for the future in it – I was hoping that his letter was going to mention something about marrige)
.. It was beautiful but yeah a little bit to general for my liking ( Im horrible ) No, in all seriousness it was really nice but it was all about stuff that we have already discussed before he deployed. renovating the bathroom, him wanting to see me finish my studies, that he wants to put us before his work ( this was a new point) and wanting to create more memories together and basically be able to afford to buy properties when we are old ( dreaming) He also mentions that he can see me being the CEO of some global company and that he will follow me to our next destination..
Now ( and I know I sound like a cow – and im being a bit self centered here) but the problem is ( and this has been communicated) that I do not want to be a workaholic. I hate work! life and love are first and foremost – yes I have dreams of being financialy set and If I have a rewarding career – sweet, that would be great. But I want marrige and a family. im 26 he is 28- I want to have heaps of kids and I dont want to wait too long to get started.
At the end of this letter he said “if there is anything you should get out of this letter its that you are in all of my plans…” I love his guy- I just dont know how he could not of brought up even the possiblility of the most important things in life… investment properties when we are in our 60’s but not any form of commitment or questions about commitment..
I replied to his letter positively saying that im on the same page as him about most things but ” When do you see marrige and children fitting into the grand scheme of things?”
He has been relocated now and isnt recieving any mail… so I probably wont get a reply for a few months – maybe more..
Its hard to be a commited military girfriend without any suggestion of a validation of our relationship.. Frankly i’m a little upset that I had to bring marrige up.. i might set an internal deadline..
P.S I know I sound like a total mole… im feeling pretty down – ill write a post about how awesome our military men are next time when im a little more over myself.
Can you ladies offer me some perspective on what I need to do? And why you think he wouldnt bring up marrige or actually being comminted to one another? I dont think I could be more commited than I am on this end.
Thanks girls – please dont think im a horrible person.
Post # 3
Marraige seems pretty implied In My Humble Opinion. I wouldn’t plan on being old and buying properties with someone. “Us before work” also sounds like marriage. He probably didn’t want to write exactly “we are going to get married” because he hasn’t asked yet, and he doesn’t want to ask in a letter.”you are in all of my plans” also sounds like marraige, and like he is planning on building his life around you, which is basically what marraige is.
Post # 4
@asscherlover: I agree, he included you in his plans. If he didn’t, I would be more worried that he didn’t see a future with you.
Post # 5
I totally agree with previous poster!!!! He sounds like that is where he is going wants future. And everything with u but doesn’t want to ask in a letter! I mean u really wouldn’t want him to. I know it’s hard speaking as a military fi but u don’t know what hegads planned when he returns it could be the surprise of your life! U never know and it sounds like he is fully committed just didn’t say the word marriage, possibly on purpose.
Post # 6
Same as PPs. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds kinda like my fiance, in that he expresses his feelings through concrete things: he thinks you’d be a great CEO = he thinks you’re amazing, he will follow you = he wants you to be happy, he wants to buy property with you = he wants to spend his life with you. I agree with PPs that marriage is implied in all of that.
It does sound like you need to make your life goals clear to him, and make sure you’re on the same page about having a family. I don’t know if that’s something to put into a letter or better to wait and discuss in person. Military SO’s might have better advice about that.
It sounds like you two are very devoted to one another and on track to all the things you want. Hang in there!
Post # 7
Don’t lose hope! My husband and I were in a similar state relationship-wise. I knew I wanted marriage, family, the whole she-bang future. He just wanted to be with me. It took him deploying to propose, but we were never too far apart in what we wanted out of our relationship. And don’t rush marriage just because he’s active duty. Take your time and enjoy it!
Post # 8
Deployments bring this out, I think. Looking bad, I remember my husband saying things like, “I just can’t wait to get home and get on with my life…and yes, that means with you.” I just think guys don’t actually like saying “marriage”, even though they’re thinking it. “you are in all of my plans” is basically saying he wants to marry you without actually asking.
Anyway, that was literally the only marriage talk I got, then he proposed 3 weeks after he got home…we’d only been dating 15 months, with a 6 month deployment in there. Don’t lose hope!
Post # 9
Gosh, you ladies have made me feel great! I know that some things are implied but sometimes it’s hard to determine whether something is implied or whether something is being avoided all together. I’m mad about this man- and he is as solid as a rock- I hope that your hunches are right and that I’m blessed with the opportunity to be with him forever. God Bless you all and your husbands/ boyfriends/ fiances. I’ll let you know how the next letter goes and will keep you updated. Xox
Post # 10
I can’t help it–I have to play the Devil’s Advocate here:
YOUR comments about hating work and wanting heaps of kids vs. HIS ideas about owning property, wanting you to finish your studies, be a CEO/have a career don’t quite jive–somehow, it just doesn’t sound like you guys are on the same page.
It seems like YOU want a Breadwinner to support you and all those kids, but HE wants more of an equal financial partner. Heck, maybe he wants YOU to work while he stays home with the kids, you never know : )
This is definitely something you want to discuss with painful clarity.
Post # 11
Deployments definitely give boys plenty of time to think about the important things in life.
My man and his mates just got back from Afghanistan recently and there has been the “engagement wave” – and we were first! Yay! 😀
When is your man back?? I’m sure you’ll have a lot to look forward to when he comes home 🙂