Post # 1
I think I have posted about this prior to this one; BUT now the saga continues. I thought once the STD’s went out and were recieved those who did not “get one” would politely realize they were not invited. This is a second wedding for my Fiance and I. Together we have 5 children and I am finishing graduate school. The point? We are paying for this ourselves AND we want a small wedding; less than 60 total are on the list. I have NO family that lives in my state. I invited my parents, two brothers, and one Aunt. These, of course, are those who are closest and dearest to me. Additionally, my Fiance invited his brothers, parents, and one Uncle. I have lived in this state for nearly 16 years and have developed close relationships with a lot of people who are ACTUALLY invited.
OK so the problem— There are several family members we did not invite for various reasons. Some are simply not invited because I havent spoken to them in years. Others because of some very personal reasons (this includes my sister). FOR SOME reason there are several family members who think they are going to travel to my current state and have openly assumed they are number one invited and number two that I am hosting them and allowing them to stay in my home. WHICH has NO ROOM!!!! I am this close and I mean this close to openingly posting on face book or via text and email saying ” while we would like to accomadate everyone we simply cant because the venue will not allow more then 60 people” (which is true). We have seriously even considered turning people away if they show up because the wedding is being held on a little island which can really only hold 60 people. My mom has told me I am being a snotty by not inviting everyone. I have tried to explain this to her many many times.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t post it on facebook, or send a text, but I think that if you have family that thinks that they are invited you should call them and let them know that due to space constraints you aren’t able to invite everyone. You certainly don’t want any part of your wedding day to be awkward; and I think turning people away at the door, will only cause you more stress on your day!
I definetely DO NOT think that you are being snotty in anyway! Does your mom realize how expensive weddings are? Especially since you have five children. You also should not feel obligated to invite someone who you havent spoken to in years, or aren’t close to just because they are family. I’ve never understood that logic. If you’re closer to a friend than you are to an aunt, why wouldn’t you want that friend to be there on the day, over your aunt?
Post # 4
I completely agree that calling people individually is a better approach. If you post on FB or send out a mass text, you’re going to be seen as snotty and uppity– I’d think it was rude if I saw someone writing that on FB.
But if you know who’s planning on staying over, you can call them and address the issue. Thank them and say you’re flattered they want to celebrate, but you’re having a tiny wedding and paying for it all yourself, so you just can’t invite more people.
Post # 5
People you haven’t spoken to for years think they’re going to stay IN YOUR HOME? Assuming an invitation is one thing (not a good thing, but not abnormal for a family member), but assuming a guest room, clean towels and a mint on the pillow?
Post # 6
I totally agree with PPs the FB approach might angry them, the phone aproach sounds better.
Post # 7
Thanks Ladies…(mostly thanks for letting me vent and your advice)
I certainly dont want to come off as rude to my family members. And I have to admit, its really sweet that they all want to come. But the whole “put me up at your house” sent me over the edge. I dont think my mother understands how much it costs and that my Fiance and I have done a great job at keeping the wedding costs WAY down. I hate to have to call family members individually, however, it looks like this will be the best way to handle things.