(Closed) ok sooo I hated my engagement ring (with pictures of new placeholder ring)

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
525 posts
Busy bee

Very nice! I had a total of three rings. It’s a symbol of your love and you have to be 100% happy with it, as I finally am. As long as something  is on that finger, my husband is happy and I also wouldn’t change the last ring he chose for me for anything in the world. 

Post # 3
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Geez…that is lovely. I’d keep it as your ering and not just as a placeholder.

Post # 4
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This seems like it could’ve been avoided if you actually had the conversation about what you liked instead of telling him to stop talking about it until the ring was in his pocket.

I don’t understand why this is a placeholder, if you like it.. Why isn’t it just your e ring?

Post # 6
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

guestappearance:  I think I would get defensive too if I asked someone to spend the rest of their life with me and they insisted on returning the ring and pushed me t divulge how much I spent on it. That is not to say you shouldn’t love your ring because you have to wear it everyday but ho disappointing for him.

Post # 7
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

guestappearance:  yikes I don’t blame him for getting defensive. You tell him you want to return it and insisted on knowing the price? Poor guy. 

Post # 8
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

guestappearance:  You mean to tell me he wasn’t receptive to talking about how something that he gave you with love and good intentions was not good enough because he didn’t spend a small fortune on it? Shocking!

He gave you a gift. It is not only rude to complain about the cost of a gift, but totally ungrateful as well. You claim to know what’s really important with a proposal but I would argue that your actions prove otherwise.

Post # 9
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

guestappearance: I think the issues here are not really about the ring, but more about insecurities regarding his past relationship.

I don’t know why he would tell you about an engagement ring from a previous relationship. That sounds immature to me, and is just setting himself up for trouble. With that said, you shouldn’t be making your ring a competition with the other one. The cost of the last ring should not be a factor in what you get. You are implying that the cost of an engagement is a direct correlation with the amount of love that is behind it. That is totally untrue. I understand your disappointment in him not listening in regards to the style though. I think that the white sapphire ring is beautiful. Could you use the stone for a vintage style ring?


Post # 10
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

spiffanee:  My thoughts exactly.

Post # 12
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t absolutely love my ring either, but it’s what he picked out so that means the world to me.  I’d never have pushed him to tell me how much it was so soon after the proposal…and if I had told him that I didn’t love it within a month after the proposal it would have broken his heart.  I’ve told him a few times (over six months after the proposal) that I may just wear my wedding band or I may get something else to switch it out with occassionally, but I’ve never framed it as “I don’t like this as much as THAT”.

Post # 13
2576 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with Bridey77. It wasn’t too wise for him to tell you what he spent on his ex. That info is irrevelent to the present relationship.

Also-maybe your Fiance is in a different place financially then he was before. Maybe he couldn’t afford another 4k ring this time around?

Post # 14
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I agree with Bridey77. It’s easy to jump on brides who want to exchange their rings, but in this case, wow. That would hurt and there’s no reason he should have told OP what he spent. This is like a woman telling her man how much bigger… Well, never mind. The point is, not cool.

OP, you’re going to have to decide how to live with this knowledge. Ask yourself if you think he loves you for the right reasons. If yes, then forget about the other ring. Slam the door and don’t open it again. Jealousy will eat your joy. And tell him to zip it in the future. He doesn’t need to share everything. 

Post # 15
12 posts

There is a positive way to think about this.   Yes, maybe his ex FI’s ring was more expensive/more flashy, but there is a reason she is his EX Fiance.  Maybe they put too much value into the ring itself as a material posession and not enough value in what the ultimate meaning of the ring was?  It’s nice to have a ring that you love and is exactly your style, but that should just be the cherry on top, IMO.  The real joy should be knowing that this man loves you so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, the fact that he gave you an accompanying gift to symbolize that is just a bonus. 


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