Post # 1
Ok, this will sound really silly to many of you, but my BF’s mother kinda stunted his adult development in a lot of ways by doing TOO much for him fo a loooooong time, by refusing to hand over total access to his student loan info, by insisting on doing his taxes and keeping access to his bank account well into his late 20s. He hated it but accepted it in a lazy way, figuring it wasn’t a big deal until he got a FT job and needed to set up a drirect depost and finally take charge of his finances.
BUT, for years I’ve helped him on his taxes, and he ALWAYS waits till April 15th! He’d wait until I brought it up and then wait until I was sitting in the room with him, when his PT job tax paperwork was so simple it was ridiculous and would really take only 5 minutes, and even in past years it’s only needed his W-2 info. This year, he still waited till the last minute, but he just called me to calrify one thing and he’s doing them on his own! I just reminded him once last night about the date and that he could do it over the weekend because of some holiday, but he’s doing them on his own, wiithout waiting for me to be right there!
Sorry this is so silly, but it’s just another baby step towards him getting his stuff together, and made me happy. Had to share.
Post # 3
@Isilme: That’s great progress to him 1) taking on adult responsibilities and 2) seeing what all you do for him! *toast* to the baby steps.
Ok, I have to confess, I’ve gotten my dad to do my taxes every year until this year (when we did them together so I can now do them myself – mine are kinda complicated). The other areas of my life, I promise, I am an adult and do myself…
Post # 4
@kay01: lol – I’m not judging anyone about their personal financial management (as long as they don’t judge my typing :P) – it’s just that for my SO, the word ‘paperwork’ illicits irrational fear of not haivng needed knowledge that only his mom could have (he didn’t understand that the only data she could use to set up all his stuff was his own ID info – SSN, DL# and all that).
I was worried we’d be mulling over the tax filing website with him getting cranky and me being cranky he’s making me sit with a cranky him to do something I’ve done since my first real job at 17. Did NOT want that for a Friday night! Also, this is in keeping with his recent actions to FINALLY getting other things squared away, like his student loans, on his own, which *maybe* means he’s looking at life more as an adult and not a permament college student, meaning MAYBE his suggested timeline of about another 1.5 years before I can have a new last name might be on a bit of a track (tiny hope growing).
Post # 5
Very awesome that he’s starting to do this stuff on his own! It’s showing that he’s really ready to start taking responsibility on some of this and making progress! Yay!
And don’t worry…we take our taxes to get done by someone. We have a rental property and we don’t want to screw them up, so we have someone else take care of them for us.
Post # 6
Oh my gosh, are you me? My SO’s mom is EXACTLY like that, she still has access to his bank accounts, does all his laundry, tells him how to clean stuff, cooks for him, babies the crap out of him…it makes my blood boil, but as much as SO has tried to get her to back off she just will not cut the apron strings. It’s so bad that he still doesn’t know how to write a check — at 22-almost-23 years old. Seriously. SO is moving in with me in 3 weeks and I am putting my foot down after that. It’s just flat out unacceptable to be living with your SO and having your own life together (which should be emotionally and financially PRIVATE and independent) and still answering calls from mommy every day and having her control your bank accouts.
I’m happy for you that your SO is finally stepping up! That’s definitely a good thing 🙂
Post # 7
@Kant: FYI – It’ll take time – my SO’s in his early 30s – he kinda thought 25 was a permanent age. And there will always be things moms can’t let go of – pick your battles and choose the ones that matter most. If she likes to cook for him, it’s one less meal y’all have to worry about. Just make sure when moving in he understand you are not Mom 2.0, and that his socks and 1/2 the meals and 1/2 the cleaning are his responsiblity. I’d start out with the pretty quick to avoid the enevitable why is the house a mess argument. Men DO have a differnt standard, on average, than women about what is clean, and how long it can be dirty.
Post # 8
@Kant: HAHAHA i was just going to ask if she was me also! My SO’s mom is the bank manager at his bank so she handles EVERYTHING before I came along… ITs gotten better now, since I put my foot down, She doesnt go into his account and make sure he isnt spending to much like she used to! Can you beleive she used to do that? I almost died! Its baby steps but he’ll get there…