OK to ask BF to unfriend ExWife?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

No. Leave it alone.

Post # 3
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Canada

I wouldn’t ask him to unfriend her but I would suggest that he take down old wedding pictures.  

Post # 5
1636 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, I think it’s totally ok to ask him about this. To me it would be same as him keeping photos of them two from their wedding day in frames in your shared home. Clearly they have both moved on, so it’s time for the photos to go.

I wouldn’t outright say take it down and unfriend her, but rather I would just generally ask him about the photos and see what he says. 

I would bet that he forgot about them on there since you say he’s not into social media. 

Post # 6
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I wouldn’t approach the subject from the standpoint that he’s done something wrong by having those pics up. He probably doesn’t even think that much about them TBH. When DH and I got engaged, I asked him to untag himself from pics with his ex wife. She had already done this and removed all of their pics from her social media. I actually had to show him how to do it because he had no idea how. He didn’t even realize they were there. If your SO only looks at newsfeed and doesn’t look at his profile then he may not even know what photos are there. 

Like PP said, just ask him about the photos and see what he says. 

I wouldn’t ask him to unfriend her. 

Post # 7
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

My convo with him would go something like thus:

-do still have those up for a reason?

(If yes, what, and if it’s cus there is still sentimentality I’d have alarm bells ringing..)

– no? Cool, um then would you mind taking them down or at least making it so you aren’t tagged in them or making them hidden? It’s pretty awkward for me when ppl bring up that that’s what they see when they search you. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of seeing them myself.

Honestly, him fighting taking them down would be a red flag to me, personally.  Let us know how it goes!

As doe unfriending her: I wouldn’t make a fuss over whether they’re friends or not. That’s not a big deal, imo. 

Post # 8
371 posts
Helper bee

IMO I wouldn’t care, it happened…they married, they divorced & then they moved on. It’s all part of his life. I would just ask him to upload more of you hehe

My SO is exactly the same on social media, in fact he doesn’t even follow me on one of them 😂 it doesn’t mean anything in terms of our relationship/love that’s just the way he is with it

Post # 9
1295 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I found out my husband had one of his exes on FB the other day and I definitely had a internal ‘wtf’ moment before telling myself to be rational about it.

I think if there were ex-wife wedding photos up, I couldn’t be rational about it. I agree that having those photos removed from his profile might be a good way forward.

Post # 10
4055 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
itsgoingtohappen :  you said yourself that he isn’t big into social media, which is probably why the pics are still up. I wouldn’t ask him to unfriend her. As far as the pics, if it bothers you that much, you could talk to him about it. But as PP said, don’t approach it as though he’s done something wrong. 

Like another PP said though, the bottom line is that he was married before. That cannot be erased, regardless of whether he takes down a tagged pic. Also, you say they live totally separate lives and have zero interaction, but made a comment that you want him to “make her go away.” It doesn’t sound like she’s interfering with anything, actually. It sounds like your own insecurities are getting in the way here, bee. 

Post # 11
849 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
itsgoingtohappen :  He could change the view of the photos so it’s “just me” and only he can see them. It doesn’t sound like he’s ever looking at them, but it may feel like a lot to delete them forever. If he’s not really using social media, it’s probably not an issue for them to stay friends. My DH is friends with ex-gfs and I (very secretly–I would never admit this in real life) see it as an opportunity to show off how awesome we are together when I do get around to uploading anything, haha.

Post # 12
173 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
itsgoingtohappen :  I would be pissed about the pictures. Those need to come down yesterday . But the unfriending part is a little much.

Post # 13
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I did not say anything to my husband (then bf) until his ex started tagging him in old memories and photos. At which point, I told him very calmly that I was uncomfortable and was not telling him to remove her but just to let him know how I felt. He immediately unfriended her, saying ultimately she is his past (they had a crappy divorce, she cheated, alcoholic, dead child due to her sleeping through an alcoholic haze instead of watching her kid etc etc)and he would not want to do anything to mess up what we have. 

Definitely tell him how you feel. 

Post # 14
7611 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

TBH, when I notice people remove pictures from Facebook when they break up I find it a little petty. I just don’t see the big deal, that person was a part of their life at some point.

However, I also believe that you should talk to your SO if something is bothering you. So just bring this up and see what he says.

Post # 15
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think its fair to ask him to remove pictures of his previous wedding. I wouldn’t be upset with him over it though. Just approach it as “hey, this bothers me, can you take it down.” It is highly unlikely that he has them up for any attachment to her or to piss you off. I don’t think I’ve ever gone through fb to see which photos needed to be taken down. Guys are even less likely to do something like this. Even more so guys who aren’t ever on fb to be doing it. But he should respect your request to do so. I think he just hasn’t thought about it. 

(Also, people are asses for creeping in your ex’s old photos and telling you what photos were there to try to make you feel some kind of way.) 

Some people are comfortable with being friends with ex’s and some aren’t. I don’t care. My fiance is friends with his ex and I am very good friends with the closest thing I have to an ex. That doesn’t mean that you have to not care. To each their own relationship rules. My concern with asking her to unfriend her though is that during engagement is kind of late in the game to be making new rules. But that’s for the two of you to navigate. Better now than five years into marriage and fighting over this rule. 

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